How to Accept Being Unattractive
Remember that your worth is not determined by your looks., Quiet your inner critic., Focus on the positives., Stop “shoulding” on yourself., Think about whether you would say the same thing to a friend., Challenge all-or-nothing thinking.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Remember that your worth is not determined by your looks.
Think about what legacy you would like people to remember you for.
Would “attractiveness” be at the top of that list? Or would qualities such as compassion, ambition, kindness, determination, and imagination be more valuable to you? Try to identify what is most important to you.Many of the people who have made a lasting influence on the world have not fit a stereotypical definition of attractiveness.
Consider Mother Teresa, a woman who devoted her life to serving others.Or Stephen Hawking, who has spent his life unraveling the puzzles of the universe. -
Step 2: Quiet your inner critic.
Your brain tends to focus on unpleasant experiences and information.
This is true even when you have more positive experiences than negative ones.It’s tempting to believe that inner critic that says “You aren’t tall enough” or “You aren’t good-looking enough” or whatever is telling the truth.
But your brain is probably overlooking many wonderful things about you in order to focus on something negative.Try choosing a mantra, or a positive phrase that can normalize your experience and help you feel encouraged.
Repeat it to yourself when you hear that inner critic rear up.
For example, you could repeat “I accept myself just as I am” or “I am free to make my own choices about beauty.” , If you’re surrounded by people and media images that tell you how you look is unattractive, you may start to believe them.
You may start to focus only on the things that you don’t like about yourself.Challenge this distortion by finding positive aspects to focus on.
Try to identify something positive about yourself every time you find yourself thinking something negative about your appearance.
For example, if you walk by a mirror and think “Wow, my teeth are so crooked,” take the time to balance that with something positive: “My smile tells others when I’m happy.” If you’re having a hard time finding anything attractive about yourself, try starting by focusing on the amazing things your body can do.
Do you dance, run, laugh, breathe? Learn to appreciate your body for its usefulness, and you may find it easier to find things you like about it., “Shoulding” is what happens when you start thinking about yourself in terms of “should” statements.
For example, “I should be the same kind of beautiful as a supermodel” or “I should be a size 2” or “I should have different skin/hair/eyes/height/weight/whatever.”Using these “should” statements against yourself can make you feel guilty and sad.
For example, one way that you may make yourself feel unattractive is by comparing yourself to actors and supermodels.
Try to remember that in most cases, not even the models in ads and magazines look like that.
Photoshop is often used to alter people’s appearance.Try using statements of fact to combat “should” statements.
For example, if you often feel like you “should” have straighter teeth, challenge this thought by saying “My teeth are the way they are.
They work great.” , You may be much harder on yourself than you would be to a friend or loved one.
When you find yourself thinking that you’re unattractive, consider whether you would criticize the same things in a friend.
If you wouldn’t say that to someone you love, why would you say it to yourself?For example, if you are bothered by your weight, then you might look at yourself in the mirror and think “I’m so fat and ugly, nobody will ever think I’m attractive.” It’s unlikely that you would say that to a friend or family member.
You probably don’t judge or even notice your loved ones’ weight.
Give yourself the same compassion you give others. , “All-or-nothing” thinking is when you see things in black and white.
It is a distorted way of thinking.
You might reject the idea that you are attractive at all because you have flaws.Try to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so are flaws.
Every part of you can be an asset if you choose to view it that way.
For example, supermodel Cindy Crawford was told to remove a mole on her face because it was “ugly.” Crawford turned it into her signature style instead and became one of the world’s most successful supermodels.When the lingerie brand Aerie stopped photoshopping their models and showed them with “flaws” like skin folds and freckles, their sales actually increased. -
Step 3: Focus on the positives.
-
Step 4: Stop “shoulding” on yourself.
-
Step 5: Think about whether you would say the same thing to a friend.
-
Step 6: Challenge all-or-nothing thinking.
Detailed Guide
Think about what legacy you would like people to remember you for.
Would “attractiveness” be at the top of that list? Or would qualities such as compassion, ambition, kindness, determination, and imagination be more valuable to you? Try to identify what is most important to you.Many of the people who have made a lasting influence on the world have not fit a stereotypical definition of attractiveness.
Consider Mother Teresa, a woman who devoted her life to serving others.Or Stephen Hawking, who has spent his life unraveling the puzzles of the universe.
Your brain tends to focus on unpleasant experiences and information.
This is true even when you have more positive experiences than negative ones.It’s tempting to believe that inner critic that says “You aren’t tall enough” or “You aren’t good-looking enough” or whatever is telling the truth.
But your brain is probably overlooking many wonderful things about you in order to focus on something negative.Try choosing a mantra, or a positive phrase that can normalize your experience and help you feel encouraged.
Repeat it to yourself when you hear that inner critic rear up.
For example, you could repeat “I accept myself just as I am” or “I am free to make my own choices about beauty.” , If you’re surrounded by people and media images that tell you how you look is unattractive, you may start to believe them.
You may start to focus only on the things that you don’t like about yourself.Challenge this distortion by finding positive aspects to focus on.
Try to identify something positive about yourself every time you find yourself thinking something negative about your appearance.
For example, if you walk by a mirror and think “Wow, my teeth are so crooked,” take the time to balance that with something positive: “My smile tells others when I’m happy.” If you’re having a hard time finding anything attractive about yourself, try starting by focusing on the amazing things your body can do.
Do you dance, run, laugh, breathe? Learn to appreciate your body for its usefulness, and you may find it easier to find things you like about it., “Shoulding” is what happens when you start thinking about yourself in terms of “should” statements.
For example, “I should be the same kind of beautiful as a supermodel” or “I should be a size 2” or “I should have different skin/hair/eyes/height/weight/whatever.”Using these “should” statements against yourself can make you feel guilty and sad.
For example, one way that you may make yourself feel unattractive is by comparing yourself to actors and supermodels.
Try to remember that in most cases, not even the models in ads and magazines look like that.
Photoshop is often used to alter people’s appearance.Try using statements of fact to combat “should” statements.
For example, if you often feel like you “should” have straighter teeth, challenge this thought by saying “My teeth are the way they are.
They work great.” , You may be much harder on yourself than you would be to a friend or loved one.
When you find yourself thinking that you’re unattractive, consider whether you would criticize the same things in a friend.
If you wouldn’t say that to someone you love, why would you say it to yourself?For example, if you are bothered by your weight, then you might look at yourself in the mirror and think “I’m so fat and ugly, nobody will ever think I’m attractive.” It’s unlikely that you would say that to a friend or family member.
You probably don’t judge or even notice your loved ones’ weight.
Give yourself the same compassion you give others. , “All-or-nothing” thinking is when you see things in black and white.
It is a distorted way of thinking.
You might reject the idea that you are attractive at all because you have flaws.Try to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so are flaws.
Every part of you can be an asset if you choose to view it that way.
For example, supermodel Cindy Crawford was told to remove a mole on her face because it was “ugly.” Crawford turned it into her signature style instead and became one of the world’s most successful supermodels.When the lingerie brand Aerie stopped photoshopping their models and showed them with “flaws” like skin folds and freckles, their sales actually increased.
About the Author
Janet Thompson
Experienced content creator specializing in pet care guides and tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: