How to Act Around People Who Don't Like You if You Don't Like Them
Figure out why he bothers you., Assess whether he returns the feeling., Interact with caution., Try to avoid contact., Maintain boundaries.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Figure out why he bothers you.
We all have co-workers that we dislike.
The self-promoter, the know-it-all, the duty-shirker, the gossip, the golden boy.If you feel your ire rising, try to figure out why you dislike the person.
Once you pin this down, you will be able to better manage your approach.
Is your dislike related to a personal quirk like the way he dresses or communicates? A knee-jerk reaction in this case might not be reasonable or fair.Is your dislike based on his overall personality? Maybe he is aggressive or manipulative? Such a co-worker could be harder to manage.
Remember that you cannot change his personality.
However, you can alter how you deal with him on a day-to-day basis. -
Step 2: Assess whether he returns the feeling.
You may think that a co-worker dislikes you when, in reality, you have just misread his behavior or words.
He might not have meant to offend you by his words in that last meeting, for example.
Mistakes can happen, or we can sometimes be too sensitive.
If you are unsure, pay close attention to his words and behavior.
Also, note how he interacts with other colleagues.
Is there a pattern? Or, do you only see dislike in his interactions with you? Give your colleague the benefit of the doubt if you are unsure of a mutual dislike.
Try to by cordial and professional with him.
Your boss will expect you to get along with other co-workers, even the very irritating ones.Keep your cool.
Provoking conflict could get you into trouble or disrupt company morale.
Recognize when it is your issue.
If your colleague has not given you any real reason for offense, accept the fact and try to overcome your emotions.Say to yourself: “Bill still bothers me, but I know that he means well and is good with IT.
He’s a valuable member of the team and I need to get along with him.” , Sooner or later, you will probably have to work with your nemesis on a project, interact in a meeting, or chat in the lunchroom.
Maintain your poise.
Stay professional but distant and don’t allow yourself to get entangled.
Say that your co-worker is the gossipy-type.
Nod your head politely and don’t engage, or just walk away.
If your colleague is a duty-shirker, don’t allow him to hoist his work on you.
Say something like, “I’d love to help you, Bill, but I’m pretty swamped myself.” , The last-ditch solution for a disagreeable and toxic colleague is to avoid contact completely.
If you fear getting entangled with the resident narcissist or manipulator, for example, avoid him at all costs.
Change your routine to keep your distance.
For example, take routes in the workplace that bypass his cubicle.
Learn when he eats and avoid the lunchroom at those times.
If you accidentally bump into each other, simply give him a brief acknowledgement and go about your day.
Start talking to someone else, excuse yourself, or otherwise appear busy.
This approach may break down, as there are times when you will have to interact in a workplace.
This is especially at small companies.
Do your best and don’t engage with his toxic traits. , Be clear with a problem colleague that you will not accept behavior that crosses the line.
Is your colleague a bully? Be polite but firm with him – let him know that you will not be pushed around.Be mindful that, even if you are in the right, a conflict could land you in hot water.
Your boss might see you as the troublemaker or “not a team player.” Send a clear message.
Speak up if behavior bothers you.
If a sexist colleague calls you “honey,” for example, tell him that you don’t like it: “I don’t like being called that, Bill.
Please call me by my real name instead of an ugly one.” Try to enlist help with peers, if only to build a support network.
Talk to these people to see what you can do about particularly problematic behavior.If you feel your co-worker is crossing the line into abuse, consider talking discreetly with either your boss or with Human Resources.
Focus in these conversations not on your relationship, but on how his behavior is harmful to the business and workplace atmosphere. -
Step 3: Interact with caution.
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Step 4: Try to avoid contact.
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Step 5: Maintain boundaries.
Detailed Guide
We all have co-workers that we dislike.
The self-promoter, the know-it-all, the duty-shirker, the gossip, the golden boy.If you feel your ire rising, try to figure out why you dislike the person.
Once you pin this down, you will be able to better manage your approach.
Is your dislike related to a personal quirk like the way he dresses or communicates? A knee-jerk reaction in this case might not be reasonable or fair.Is your dislike based on his overall personality? Maybe he is aggressive or manipulative? Such a co-worker could be harder to manage.
Remember that you cannot change his personality.
However, you can alter how you deal with him on a day-to-day basis.
You may think that a co-worker dislikes you when, in reality, you have just misread his behavior or words.
He might not have meant to offend you by his words in that last meeting, for example.
Mistakes can happen, or we can sometimes be too sensitive.
If you are unsure, pay close attention to his words and behavior.
Also, note how he interacts with other colleagues.
Is there a pattern? Or, do you only see dislike in his interactions with you? Give your colleague the benefit of the doubt if you are unsure of a mutual dislike.
Try to by cordial and professional with him.
Your boss will expect you to get along with other co-workers, even the very irritating ones.Keep your cool.
Provoking conflict could get you into trouble or disrupt company morale.
Recognize when it is your issue.
If your colleague has not given you any real reason for offense, accept the fact and try to overcome your emotions.Say to yourself: “Bill still bothers me, but I know that he means well and is good with IT.
He’s a valuable member of the team and I need to get along with him.” , Sooner or later, you will probably have to work with your nemesis on a project, interact in a meeting, or chat in the lunchroom.
Maintain your poise.
Stay professional but distant and don’t allow yourself to get entangled.
Say that your co-worker is the gossipy-type.
Nod your head politely and don’t engage, or just walk away.
If your colleague is a duty-shirker, don’t allow him to hoist his work on you.
Say something like, “I’d love to help you, Bill, but I’m pretty swamped myself.” , The last-ditch solution for a disagreeable and toxic colleague is to avoid contact completely.
If you fear getting entangled with the resident narcissist or manipulator, for example, avoid him at all costs.
Change your routine to keep your distance.
For example, take routes in the workplace that bypass his cubicle.
Learn when he eats and avoid the lunchroom at those times.
If you accidentally bump into each other, simply give him a brief acknowledgement and go about your day.
Start talking to someone else, excuse yourself, or otherwise appear busy.
This approach may break down, as there are times when you will have to interact in a workplace.
This is especially at small companies.
Do your best and don’t engage with his toxic traits. , Be clear with a problem colleague that you will not accept behavior that crosses the line.
Is your colleague a bully? Be polite but firm with him – let him know that you will not be pushed around.Be mindful that, even if you are in the right, a conflict could land you in hot water.
Your boss might see you as the troublemaker or “not a team player.” Send a clear message.
Speak up if behavior bothers you.
If a sexist colleague calls you “honey,” for example, tell him that you don’t like it: “I don’t like being called that, Bill.
Please call me by my real name instead of an ugly one.” Try to enlist help with peers, if only to build a support network.
Talk to these people to see what you can do about particularly problematic behavior.If you feel your co-worker is crossing the line into abuse, consider talking discreetly with either your boss or with Human Resources.
Focus in these conversations not on your relationship, but on how his behavior is harmful to the business and workplace atmosphere.
About the Author
George Long
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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