How to Act Like a Robot
Maintain a blank expression and blink as little as possible., Use monotone speech and short phrases., Avoid showing emotions and using first person speech.Robots have no emotions, so display no emotional reactions at all., React only to questions...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Maintain a blank expression and blink as little as possible.
Most robots have no reason to blink or change their facial expressions, so work hard to keep your face frozen.
No smiling, no frowning.
Some robots are expressive, and acting like that type of robot might be a little easier.
Simply slow your facial expressions way down, blink very slowly, and slightly delay all of your reactions.
Your eyes might get dry doing this, so stash some rewetting eye drops in your pocket and use them whenever you have a moment of privacy.
Since robots have no social skills, maintain eye contact with people for long, uncomfortable periods of time.Avoid any rapid eye movement.
You will of course need to move your eyes sometimes, but do so mechanically.
Try to move your entire head robotically in whatever direction you need to, rather than having your eyes dart around. -
Step 2: Use monotone speech and short phrases.
Speak slowly, use no inflection, and enunciate every syllable.
Use technical jargon in response to everything.
If you need help with this, there are tech jargon generators on the internet that can give you plenty of material.Don’t worry too much about using the tech jargon incorrectly, since most people will have no idea what you’re talking about anyway.
Some key nouns to remember: firewall, operating system, interface, platform, processor, bandwidth, hard drive, microchip, network, mainframe, pixel, matrix, protocol, virus, fiber optics.
Some key verbs to remember: encode, override, quantify, generate, transmit, navigate, bypass, input, compute, calculate, hack, reboot, transcode, implement, transfer, defrag.
Download an app that generates beeps and other robot sounds.
Keep your cell in your pocket and use the sounds whenever you have an opportunity (you’ll need to be sitting or standing behind something so that your arm movements aren’t obvious). , Be stoic and passive.
Robots also don’t refer to themselves as people or use first person speech, so avoid using the word “I” completely.
Robots don’t have any personal opinions, so don’t give any.
Refer to yourself as an operating system.
You could also give yourself a name consisting of a short combination of random numbers and letters (for example, C3PO). , Robots don’t think on their own, so if you aren’t being spoken to, be silent.
When someone asks you a question, reply using as few words as possible.
If you don’t know the answer, say, “File not found.” If you are asked to do something, either do it without questions or reply, “My operating system is not programmed for the requested task.” You can also try something along the lines of, “Performance analysis required.
Initiate defrag operation for drive C.” If you are continually pressed or questioned after using that reply a few times, say something like, “System error.
Performance design flaw.
Initiating system shut down.” , Keep these in mind so that you can react identically each time.
For example, you could be programmed to robot dance.
Maybe you're a motion-activated dancing robot, so your trigger would be the movement of other people around you.
When anyone gets near you or walks by, start doing the robot dance.
If someone is standing near you, keep dancing until they move away.
If someone walks quickly by you, dance a few jerky movements and once the person has walked by and is "out of range" you'll stop suddenly.
You can also consider being a robot that doesn't respond to commands at all.
Instead, you can be programmed to respond to people in certain ways or assist them in specific activities. , Stash snack food and small bottles of water in a few different places that you frequent so that whenever you have a moment of privacy, you can grab some quick nourishment.
Make sure absolutely no one is around if you have to go to the bathroom, then sneak in quickly.
If you're in public, sneak away to the least visible bathroom and pop in and out as fast as you can.
You may want to limit your fluid intake a bit to prevent needing constant bathroom breaks. -
Step 3: Avoid showing emotions and using first person speech.Robots have no emotions
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Step 4: so display no emotional reactions at all.
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Step 5: React only to questions and commands.
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Step 6: Decide what you're programmed to do and your triggers.
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Step 7: Avoid being seen eating
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Step 8: drinking and going to the bathroom.
Detailed Guide
Most robots have no reason to blink or change their facial expressions, so work hard to keep your face frozen.
No smiling, no frowning.
Some robots are expressive, and acting like that type of robot might be a little easier.
Simply slow your facial expressions way down, blink very slowly, and slightly delay all of your reactions.
Your eyes might get dry doing this, so stash some rewetting eye drops in your pocket and use them whenever you have a moment of privacy.
Since robots have no social skills, maintain eye contact with people for long, uncomfortable periods of time.Avoid any rapid eye movement.
You will of course need to move your eyes sometimes, but do so mechanically.
Try to move your entire head robotically in whatever direction you need to, rather than having your eyes dart around.
Speak slowly, use no inflection, and enunciate every syllable.
Use technical jargon in response to everything.
If you need help with this, there are tech jargon generators on the internet that can give you plenty of material.Don’t worry too much about using the tech jargon incorrectly, since most people will have no idea what you’re talking about anyway.
Some key nouns to remember: firewall, operating system, interface, platform, processor, bandwidth, hard drive, microchip, network, mainframe, pixel, matrix, protocol, virus, fiber optics.
Some key verbs to remember: encode, override, quantify, generate, transmit, navigate, bypass, input, compute, calculate, hack, reboot, transcode, implement, transfer, defrag.
Download an app that generates beeps and other robot sounds.
Keep your cell in your pocket and use the sounds whenever you have an opportunity (you’ll need to be sitting or standing behind something so that your arm movements aren’t obvious). , Be stoic and passive.
Robots also don’t refer to themselves as people or use first person speech, so avoid using the word “I” completely.
Robots don’t have any personal opinions, so don’t give any.
Refer to yourself as an operating system.
You could also give yourself a name consisting of a short combination of random numbers and letters (for example, C3PO). , Robots don’t think on their own, so if you aren’t being spoken to, be silent.
When someone asks you a question, reply using as few words as possible.
If you don’t know the answer, say, “File not found.” If you are asked to do something, either do it without questions or reply, “My operating system is not programmed for the requested task.” You can also try something along the lines of, “Performance analysis required.
Initiate defrag operation for drive C.” If you are continually pressed or questioned after using that reply a few times, say something like, “System error.
Performance design flaw.
Initiating system shut down.” , Keep these in mind so that you can react identically each time.
For example, you could be programmed to robot dance.
Maybe you're a motion-activated dancing robot, so your trigger would be the movement of other people around you.
When anyone gets near you or walks by, start doing the robot dance.
If someone is standing near you, keep dancing until they move away.
If someone walks quickly by you, dance a few jerky movements and once the person has walked by and is "out of range" you'll stop suddenly.
You can also consider being a robot that doesn't respond to commands at all.
Instead, you can be programmed to respond to people in certain ways or assist them in specific activities. , Stash snack food and small bottles of water in a few different places that you frequent so that whenever you have a moment of privacy, you can grab some quick nourishment.
Make sure absolutely no one is around if you have to go to the bathroom, then sneak in quickly.
If you're in public, sneak away to the least visible bathroom and pop in and out as fast as you can.
You may want to limit your fluid intake a bit to prevent needing constant bathroom breaks.
About the Author
Karen Jimenez
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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