How to Avoid Politics With Stubborn Relatives
Consider your comfort level with politics before an event., Avoid political triggers., Allow a person to express personal frustrations without evaluating their politics., Have a way to get out of unwanted discussions ahead of time., Set a ground...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Consider your comfort level with politics before an event.
Before you attend a family event, set boundaries for yourself.
Decide what you are and are not comfortable talking about with your family.
It's okay if some items are simply off limits for discussion, and you should pick your battles when it comes to politics and family.
Draw lines when it comes to topics of discussion, and then stick by these lines to prevent yourself from getting sucked into an argument.This is where you should think about picking your battles.
Some opinions will not change, and some subjects are simply not worth debating anymore.
Maybe you know you and your Grandma Hattie will never agree on abortion.
You also know you and your cousin Michael are simply not going to see eye-to-eye on gay marriage.
These should both go on your mental list of off-limit topics.
If someone tries to ask you about something you're not comfortable discussing, say so.
For example, "Sorry, Aunt Louise, but I would really rather not share my views on abortion.
I feel like that's a very private subject for me, and I personally like to keep my opinions on the issue to myself." -
Step 2: Avoid political triggers.
Over the years, you should have gained some knowledge of controversial subjects that tend to trigger arguments at family events.
Whether it's medical marijuana, welfare, birth control, religion, war, or business, know what topics you need to avoid.Innocent questions can trigger an argument.
Your career-focused cousin, for example, may constantly get asked why she isn't married, leading to arguments about feminism.
Avoid asking potentially loaded questions at events, even if you mean them in an innocent fashion.
Politics may come up in conversation naturally.
As politics are such a big part of the world, many benign discussions can quickly turn political.
While you cannot control your entire family, you can always censor yourself.
For example, do you really want to talk to your family about your friend Ellie losing her job due to layoffs in her company? This may seem like an innocent enough fact to you, but it could easily spark a debate about the current economy. , A political rant may only be a side note in a story about a relative's recent troubles as opposed to the start of a political debate.
If this is the case, listen to your family member and let them know you are supporting them.
Avoid commenting about their political views.For example, say you have strong opinions regarding healthcare.
You are very much in favor of recent reforms to the healthcare system.
Your uncle has recently undergone a serious surgery, and has had trouble with his insurance.
While telling the story, he starts venting about how damaging healthcare reform is.
It's okay if you disagree.
However, keep in mind your uncle is telling a personal story.
He is frustrated with personal issues and feels like he needs to vent.
You do not necessarily need to argue with him about healthcare reform at the present moment.
Tell him you hope he feels better soon, without explicitly agreeing or disagreeing with his assessment of the healthcare system. , In some families, political arguments feel inevitable.
No matter how hard you work to avoid triggers, you may inadvertently get dragged into an argument.
Before attending an event, think of a few words to say to stop an argument before it begins.Think of a simple and respectful means of derailing a conversation.
If your cousin is talking your ear off about abortion, and you strongly disagree with his views, say something like, "Thanks for sharing your perspective, but I guess we'll have to agree to disagree." If you're dealing with a particularly argumentative person, and don't want to openly disagree, you can try something like, "Interesting perspective.
I'll have to think about that." Stand firm.
If someone keeps bringing up a topic, keep reiterating yourself.
For example, say you tell your cousin you have to "agree to disagree" on abortion, and he says, "Why is that? How do you feel?" Say something like, "Let's just not get into it.
It's okay that we don't feel the same way."
If your family has had too many upsetting political encounters, you may just want to simply agree ahead of time to avoid discussions.
If there's one family member you strongly disagree with, you may want to make a point of avoiding discussing politics with that person.For example, you and your mother are polar opposites.
You're very conservative, while she's very liberal.
Try to agree, before a family event rolls around, to just not bring up anything political to keep the peace. -
Step 3: Allow a person to express personal frustrations without evaluating their politics.
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Step 4: Have a way to get out of unwanted discussions ahead of time.
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Step 5: Set a ground rule to avoid politics.
Detailed Guide
Before you attend a family event, set boundaries for yourself.
Decide what you are and are not comfortable talking about with your family.
It's okay if some items are simply off limits for discussion, and you should pick your battles when it comes to politics and family.
Draw lines when it comes to topics of discussion, and then stick by these lines to prevent yourself from getting sucked into an argument.This is where you should think about picking your battles.
Some opinions will not change, and some subjects are simply not worth debating anymore.
Maybe you know you and your Grandma Hattie will never agree on abortion.
You also know you and your cousin Michael are simply not going to see eye-to-eye on gay marriage.
These should both go on your mental list of off-limit topics.
If someone tries to ask you about something you're not comfortable discussing, say so.
For example, "Sorry, Aunt Louise, but I would really rather not share my views on abortion.
I feel like that's a very private subject for me, and I personally like to keep my opinions on the issue to myself."
Over the years, you should have gained some knowledge of controversial subjects that tend to trigger arguments at family events.
Whether it's medical marijuana, welfare, birth control, religion, war, or business, know what topics you need to avoid.Innocent questions can trigger an argument.
Your career-focused cousin, for example, may constantly get asked why she isn't married, leading to arguments about feminism.
Avoid asking potentially loaded questions at events, even if you mean them in an innocent fashion.
Politics may come up in conversation naturally.
As politics are such a big part of the world, many benign discussions can quickly turn political.
While you cannot control your entire family, you can always censor yourself.
For example, do you really want to talk to your family about your friend Ellie losing her job due to layoffs in her company? This may seem like an innocent enough fact to you, but it could easily spark a debate about the current economy. , A political rant may only be a side note in a story about a relative's recent troubles as opposed to the start of a political debate.
If this is the case, listen to your family member and let them know you are supporting them.
Avoid commenting about their political views.For example, say you have strong opinions regarding healthcare.
You are very much in favor of recent reforms to the healthcare system.
Your uncle has recently undergone a serious surgery, and has had trouble with his insurance.
While telling the story, he starts venting about how damaging healthcare reform is.
It's okay if you disagree.
However, keep in mind your uncle is telling a personal story.
He is frustrated with personal issues and feels like he needs to vent.
You do not necessarily need to argue with him about healthcare reform at the present moment.
Tell him you hope he feels better soon, without explicitly agreeing or disagreeing with his assessment of the healthcare system. , In some families, political arguments feel inevitable.
No matter how hard you work to avoid triggers, you may inadvertently get dragged into an argument.
Before attending an event, think of a few words to say to stop an argument before it begins.Think of a simple and respectful means of derailing a conversation.
If your cousin is talking your ear off about abortion, and you strongly disagree with his views, say something like, "Thanks for sharing your perspective, but I guess we'll have to agree to disagree." If you're dealing with a particularly argumentative person, and don't want to openly disagree, you can try something like, "Interesting perspective.
I'll have to think about that." Stand firm.
If someone keeps bringing up a topic, keep reiterating yourself.
For example, say you tell your cousin you have to "agree to disagree" on abortion, and he says, "Why is that? How do you feel?" Say something like, "Let's just not get into it.
It's okay that we don't feel the same way."
If your family has had too many upsetting political encounters, you may just want to simply agree ahead of time to avoid discussions.
If there's one family member you strongly disagree with, you may want to make a point of avoiding discussing politics with that person.For example, you and your mother are polar opposites.
You're very conservative, while she's very liberal.
Try to agree, before a family event rolls around, to just not bring up anything political to keep the peace.
About the Author
Michael Simmons
Specializes in breaking down complex home improvement topics into simple steps.
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