How to Be a Gentle Person
Know your strength and exercise caution., Do not touch people who don't want to be touched., Do not confuse gentleness with weakness., Be patient., Don't lash out., Take deep breaths., Walk away., Practice "constructive confrontation".
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Know your strength and exercise caution.
If you aren't careful, you may unwittingly hurt another person without intending to do so.
Be especially cautious when interacting with fragile individuals--such as children, sick people, or very old people.
Always err on the side of caution.
Treat fragile people as though they might actually break.
You do not need to be overprotective--just thoughtful.
If you are picking up a small child, don't throw her in the air or swing her around.
Hold her gently, with both of your arms, and be careful not to drop her.
Be playful, but not careless.
If you are trying to a get a child or other dependent to come with you, don't pull their arm or push them.
Pulling a child's arm can bruise skin, dislocate a shoulder, and earn the mistrust of the child.
Sternly but gently tell him or her to come. -
Step 2: Do not touch people who don't want to be touched.
Physical intimacy is an important part of being human, but you should not violate anyone's personal space.
Be respectful.
This can include playful touching.
Acts like tickling, poking, or holding can seriously bother a person if they aren't in the mood.
Respect consent.
If someone asks you to stop: stop.
If you don't respect peoples' space, then they will distrust you.
If you absolutely must touch someone who doesn't want to be touched (say, your child is throwing a tantrum, but you need to change his diaper): be as soothing and careful as possible.
Do what you need to do, and then give the person their space. , The strongest people are those who can interact with others--touch others, speak with others, love others--in a patient and caring way.
Being gentle is being able to hold someone without crushing them.
Think of a hug.
Try to hug someone close enough that they feel your warmth, but not so close that they cannot breathe.
Always be aware of how tightly you are squeezing.
Walk softly, but with power behind every step.
You do not need to use all of your strength all of the time in order to prove that you possess it.
There is strength in self-control. , If you get into a disagreement with someone--or if you want someone to do something, but they aren't cooperating--be patient.
Explain your reasoning and try to work out a compromise.
Fighting--verbally or physically--will only inflame the situation.
If you want to build a lasting peace, you must work to understand both sides of the argument.
Do not be the first to react.
Do not try to force anyone to do something against their will.
Respect their position.
Practice the art of compromise. , When you get angry, count to ten.
If you are still angry, keep counting.
You may act rashly and violently when you let yourself become swept up in the flood of anger--but you can learn to control these impulses.Give yourself time to cool down.
You may find that are overreacting to a situation.
There is almost always a solution that does not involve verbal or physical violence. , If you become angry, try to center yourself and calm yourself down before you do something rash.
Breathe in through your nose, deeply, for as long as you can.
Breathe out, slowly.Close your eyes and focus on your breaths.
Take the time to slow down your heart rate and balance yourself.
Let the initial burst of anger fade into the background.
Clear your mind.
Consider counting your breaths--like meditation.
As you inhale, count slowly:
1...
2...
3...
4.
As you exhale, count out the same increment of time.
This will keep you focused upon the act of breathing.
Consider taking up meditation.
This is a great way to center your thoughts, practice mindfulness, and control your emotions.Search for tutorials online, and consider attending a guided meditation session. , If you can't calm yourself down and focus your energy, then you may need to walk away from the situation.
Take a few moments alone to reflect upon why you are so upset.
Excuse yourself simply and gracefully.
Ask whoever is making you angry, "Can we discuss this later?" or "I need to think about this.
Can I get back to you on that?" Consider going somewhere that you can be alone.
If you have a favorite spot--a shady tree, a beautiful vista, a dark and quiet room--go there.
Surround yourself with calm.
Consider finding a wise, balanced person to whom you can vent.
Find a friend, or call someone, and tell them what's making you so upset.
Your friend may be able to calm you down and give you perspective on the situation. , Therapist Mark Gorkin, LICSW, author of Practice Safe Stress:
Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression, offers a five-step method for "constructive confrontation": 1) Use an "I" statement, question, or observation: "I'm concerned," "I'm confused," or "I'm frustrated" are good ways to begin your exchange. 2) Describe the problem specifically.
Avoid judgmental accusations such as "You never get your work in on time." Instead, be specific: "I've asked you three times this week for the status of the systems report and I haven't received the report or any response.
What's going on here?" 3) Explain why you're upset.
Talk about effects and expectations.
For example: "Because I didn't receive the report on time, I wasn't able to present it at the meeting and we had to postpone making a decision." That's the effect.
The expectation: "We really need the data.
I want to meet tomorrow morning at 9 to discuss where you are with the project." 4) Acknowledge the other person and ask for input.
Let the other person know you have some understanding of what he's going through.
For example: "I know you're working on several important projects.
Tell me what's on your plate.
Then we'll need to set priorities and upgrade the importance of this project." Listen and let go.
Once you've engaged in the first four steps, you can be more objective and can let go of any existing anger, hurt feelings, or questionable assumptions. -
Step 3: Do not confuse gentleness with weakness.
-
Step 4: Be patient.
-
Step 5: Don't lash out.
-
Step 6: Take deep breaths.
-
Step 7: Walk away.
-
Step 8: Practice "constructive confrontation".
Detailed Guide
If you aren't careful, you may unwittingly hurt another person without intending to do so.
Be especially cautious when interacting with fragile individuals--such as children, sick people, or very old people.
Always err on the side of caution.
Treat fragile people as though they might actually break.
You do not need to be overprotective--just thoughtful.
If you are picking up a small child, don't throw her in the air or swing her around.
Hold her gently, with both of your arms, and be careful not to drop her.
Be playful, but not careless.
If you are trying to a get a child or other dependent to come with you, don't pull their arm or push them.
Pulling a child's arm can bruise skin, dislocate a shoulder, and earn the mistrust of the child.
Sternly but gently tell him or her to come.
Physical intimacy is an important part of being human, but you should not violate anyone's personal space.
Be respectful.
This can include playful touching.
Acts like tickling, poking, or holding can seriously bother a person if they aren't in the mood.
Respect consent.
If someone asks you to stop: stop.
If you don't respect peoples' space, then they will distrust you.
If you absolutely must touch someone who doesn't want to be touched (say, your child is throwing a tantrum, but you need to change his diaper): be as soothing and careful as possible.
Do what you need to do, and then give the person their space. , The strongest people are those who can interact with others--touch others, speak with others, love others--in a patient and caring way.
Being gentle is being able to hold someone without crushing them.
Think of a hug.
Try to hug someone close enough that they feel your warmth, but not so close that they cannot breathe.
Always be aware of how tightly you are squeezing.
Walk softly, but with power behind every step.
You do not need to use all of your strength all of the time in order to prove that you possess it.
There is strength in self-control. , If you get into a disagreement with someone--or if you want someone to do something, but they aren't cooperating--be patient.
Explain your reasoning and try to work out a compromise.
Fighting--verbally or physically--will only inflame the situation.
If you want to build a lasting peace, you must work to understand both sides of the argument.
Do not be the first to react.
Do not try to force anyone to do something against their will.
Respect their position.
Practice the art of compromise. , When you get angry, count to ten.
If you are still angry, keep counting.
You may act rashly and violently when you let yourself become swept up in the flood of anger--but you can learn to control these impulses.Give yourself time to cool down.
You may find that are overreacting to a situation.
There is almost always a solution that does not involve verbal or physical violence. , If you become angry, try to center yourself and calm yourself down before you do something rash.
Breathe in through your nose, deeply, for as long as you can.
Breathe out, slowly.Close your eyes and focus on your breaths.
Take the time to slow down your heart rate and balance yourself.
Let the initial burst of anger fade into the background.
Clear your mind.
Consider counting your breaths--like meditation.
As you inhale, count slowly:
1...
2...
3...
4.
As you exhale, count out the same increment of time.
This will keep you focused upon the act of breathing.
Consider taking up meditation.
This is a great way to center your thoughts, practice mindfulness, and control your emotions.Search for tutorials online, and consider attending a guided meditation session. , If you can't calm yourself down and focus your energy, then you may need to walk away from the situation.
Take a few moments alone to reflect upon why you are so upset.
Excuse yourself simply and gracefully.
Ask whoever is making you angry, "Can we discuss this later?" or "I need to think about this.
Can I get back to you on that?" Consider going somewhere that you can be alone.
If you have a favorite spot--a shady tree, a beautiful vista, a dark and quiet room--go there.
Surround yourself with calm.
Consider finding a wise, balanced person to whom you can vent.
Find a friend, or call someone, and tell them what's making you so upset.
Your friend may be able to calm you down and give you perspective on the situation. , Therapist Mark Gorkin, LICSW, author of Practice Safe Stress:
Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression, offers a five-step method for "constructive confrontation": 1) Use an "I" statement, question, or observation: "I'm concerned," "I'm confused," or "I'm frustrated" are good ways to begin your exchange. 2) Describe the problem specifically.
Avoid judgmental accusations such as "You never get your work in on time." Instead, be specific: "I've asked you three times this week for the status of the systems report and I haven't received the report or any response.
What's going on here?" 3) Explain why you're upset.
Talk about effects and expectations.
For example: "Because I didn't receive the report on time, I wasn't able to present it at the meeting and we had to postpone making a decision." That's the effect.
The expectation: "We really need the data.
I want to meet tomorrow morning at 9 to discuss where you are with the project." 4) Acknowledge the other person and ask for input.
Let the other person know you have some understanding of what he's going through.
For example: "I know you're working on several important projects.
Tell me what's on your plate.
Then we'll need to set priorities and upgrade the importance of this project." Listen and let go.
Once you've engaged in the first four steps, you can be more objective and can let go of any existing anger, hurt feelings, or questionable assumptions.
About the Author
Brittany Thompson
Enthusiastic about teaching hobbies techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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