How to Be Alone
Take stock of what you have., Remove any painful mementos., Do something you've always wanted to do but never had the time for., Go for a night out with your friends., Tell yourself the truth: There will be others out there., If you were in a...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Take stock of what you have.
After you've broken up with your ex, it's easy to feel depressed.
The person you'd shared your life with is no longer by your side.
The things that were constant in your life no longer feel so safe.
That's why it's important to take stock of what you have.
Think about or make a list of all the things that you do have.
We often lose track of these things after a breakup.
Focus on the intangibles, especially:
Family.
They love you unconditionally, not for who they want you to be, but for who you are.
Friends.
They have the ability to cheer you up during the darkest of times.
Offer real perspective, and are people you can really talk to.
Experiences.
You've done a lot of things in your life.
Celebrate your accomplishments and risk-taking; it's what keeps you going.
Health.
Hopefully you are healthy, even if you are temporarily lonely.
Are any of your friends or loved-ones not healthy? Take stock of how lucky you are to be healthy. -
Step 2: Remove any painful mementos.
Those pictures of your ex you hung up? Take them down and put them in storage.
Those love letters s/he wrote you? Shelve them in a box.
Dredging up old memories will only make the healing process more difficult, unfortunately.
Do the hard thing and put away any painful mementos.
It may seem refreshing, but destroying those mementos probably isn't a great idea.
In the heat of the moment, take a little time to cool down and think about it.
It's irreversible.
You might later discover that holding onto those memories would have been the smarter thing to do.
Be 100% sure the mementos are a bad influence in your life before you destroy them. , A relationship can be a lot of work.
That's why it's important to reward yourself when you do have time to.
You probably sacrificed a lot to help the relationship grow.
Now it's time to give yourself a little bit of:
Adventure.
Travel someplace you've always wanted to travel.
Maybe it's Calcutta, or maybe it's Charleston.
Wherever it is, you'll find that exploring a different part of the world is downright exhilarating.
Excitement.
Maybe you'd appreciate taking a self-defense class, or skydive, or signing up for a local half-marathon.
Put a little excitement into your step by getting doing something thrilling or unexpected.
Fulfillment.
It doesn't have to be "spiritual," but it should be fulfilling.
A lot of people gain a lot of happiness and fulfillment by giving back to people less privileged than themselves. , Your friends probably know your predicament, which will give them an even bigger reason to show you a great time.
Maybe you and the rest of your girls stay in for a movie night and give each other mani/pedis.
Maybe you and the rest of your boys go out for a night on the town.
Being with your friends will help you naturally get over the breakup instead of forcing you to feel okay with it all by yourself. , After a breakup, it's tempting to think that you'll never find someone as good/sweet/cute as the person you now call your ex.
This is a mistake.
Not only is there a good chance that you'll find someone else who's good, sweet, and cute, but there's also a chance that the next person you connect with is an improvement over your ex.
That's personal growth, right there.
Start learning from your mistakes.
Think about the mistakes that you or your ex made in your last relationship.
Resolve to learn from them, to grow into a person who doesn't make the same mistake twice.
Making a mistake is forgivable; refusing to learn from them is not. , Don't put yourself in a situation where you're likely to see him/her.
It's probably best to make a clean break, and seeing the other person just magnifies the possibility of a messy entanglement.
It hurts now, but it'll feel a whole lot better a month from now. , Don't expect to find someone a week after you just broke up.
Relationships take time.
Just like it's unreasonable to lose 20 pounds in a month, it's unreasonable to expect that you'll find another person to start loving right away.
Things that you can do if your loneliness starts getting to you:
Be social.
Nobody ever got a boyfriend or girlfriend by sitting around in their room alone, listening to Celine Dion or Kenny G.
In order to find your next partner, you need to put yourself in social situations.
That's where you're likely to have most success.
Rely on your friends.
Ask your friends if they know anybody who's eligible, or someone who could set you up.
It seems old-fashioned, but it works sometimes.
Plus, beggars can't be choosers.
Don't let setbacks set you back permanently.
Everyone has a bad date or gets rejected.
If you've never had a bad date or gotten rejected, you're probably a little too choosy.
Brush yourself off when the other person isn't right and put yourself right back out there. -
Step 3: Do something you've always wanted to do but never had the time for.
-
Step 4: Go for a night out with your friends.
-
Step 5: Tell yourself the truth: There will be others out there.
-
Step 6: If you were in a hurtful relationship with your family
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Step 7: resist the urge to see them.
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Step 8: Be patient.
Detailed Guide
After you've broken up with your ex, it's easy to feel depressed.
The person you'd shared your life with is no longer by your side.
The things that were constant in your life no longer feel so safe.
That's why it's important to take stock of what you have.
Think about or make a list of all the things that you do have.
We often lose track of these things after a breakup.
Focus on the intangibles, especially:
Family.
They love you unconditionally, not for who they want you to be, but for who you are.
Friends.
They have the ability to cheer you up during the darkest of times.
Offer real perspective, and are people you can really talk to.
Experiences.
You've done a lot of things in your life.
Celebrate your accomplishments and risk-taking; it's what keeps you going.
Health.
Hopefully you are healthy, even if you are temporarily lonely.
Are any of your friends or loved-ones not healthy? Take stock of how lucky you are to be healthy.
Those pictures of your ex you hung up? Take them down and put them in storage.
Those love letters s/he wrote you? Shelve them in a box.
Dredging up old memories will only make the healing process more difficult, unfortunately.
Do the hard thing and put away any painful mementos.
It may seem refreshing, but destroying those mementos probably isn't a great idea.
In the heat of the moment, take a little time to cool down and think about it.
It's irreversible.
You might later discover that holding onto those memories would have been the smarter thing to do.
Be 100% sure the mementos are a bad influence in your life before you destroy them. , A relationship can be a lot of work.
That's why it's important to reward yourself when you do have time to.
You probably sacrificed a lot to help the relationship grow.
Now it's time to give yourself a little bit of:
Adventure.
Travel someplace you've always wanted to travel.
Maybe it's Calcutta, or maybe it's Charleston.
Wherever it is, you'll find that exploring a different part of the world is downright exhilarating.
Excitement.
Maybe you'd appreciate taking a self-defense class, or skydive, or signing up for a local half-marathon.
Put a little excitement into your step by getting doing something thrilling or unexpected.
Fulfillment.
It doesn't have to be "spiritual," but it should be fulfilling.
A lot of people gain a lot of happiness and fulfillment by giving back to people less privileged than themselves. , Your friends probably know your predicament, which will give them an even bigger reason to show you a great time.
Maybe you and the rest of your girls stay in for a movie night and give each other mani/pedis.
Maybe you and the rest of your boys go out for a night on the town.
Being with your friends will help you naturally get over the breakup instead of forcing you to feel okay with it all by yourself. , After a breakup, it's tempting to think that you'll never find someone as good/sweet/cute as the person you now call your ex.
This is a mistake.
Not only is there a good chance that you'll find someone else who's good, sweet, and cute, but there's also a chance that the next person you connect with is an improvement over your ex.
That's personal growth, right there.
Start learning from your mistakes.
Think about the mistakes that you or your ex made in your last relationship.
Resolve to learn from them, to grow into a person who doesn't make the same mistake twice.
Making a mistake is forgivable; refusing to learn from them is not. , Don't put yourself in a situation where you're likely to see him/her.
It's probably best to make a clean break, and seeing the other person just magnifies the possibility of a messy entanglement.
It hurts now, but it'll feel a whole lot better a month from now. , Don't expect to find someone a week after you just broke up.
Relationships take time.
Just like it's unreasonable to lose 20 pounds in a month, it's unreasonable to expect that you'll find another person to start loving right away.
Things that you can do if your loneliness starts getting to you:
Be social.
Nobody ever got a boyfriend or girlfriend by sitting around in their room alone, listening to Celine Dion or Kenny G.
In order to find your next partner, you need to put yourself in social situations.
That's where you're likely to have most success.
Rely on your friends.
Ask your friends if they know anybody who's eligible, or someone who could set you up.
It seems old-fashioned, but it works sometimes.
Plus, beggars can't be choosers.
Don't let setbacks set you back permanently.
Everyone has a bad date or gets rejected.
If you've never had a bad date or gotten rejected, you're probably a little too choosy.
Brush yourself off when the other person isn't right and put yourself right back out there.
About the Author
Michelle Bell
A passionate writer with expertise in practical skills topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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