How to Be Awkward

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Daydream as much as you can.

   If you want to be awkward, then don't pay too much attention to anything going on around you.
   
   You should have your head in the clouds, be completely oblivious, and not notice the very basic things in front of your eyes.
   
   Then, when someone tries to engage you in conversation, you will be completely off-guard and unprepared to talk to them.
   
   If you didn't even realize they were sitting next to you for the last half hour, it is even more awkward
   -- mission accomplished.
2. 2

   Step 2: Construct elaborate fantasies in your mind.

   They can vary from fighting dragons to what you're going to tell your coworker about which tea you prefer, leading to everyone in the office having a dance party in a submarine.
   
   These fantasies will greatly aid you during the previous step, when you're trying to act as clueless as possible.
   
   If you start acting out these fantasies randomly, or even sharing them with people, then that will be pretty gosh darn awkward. , If you want to make things awkward, then don't check on your appearance too often.
   
   This can lead you to walk around with your hair sticking up, hot sauce on your shirt, a half-tucked shirt, or even to have some colorful underwear sticking out of your pants.
   
   This makes it pretty awkward for you and for anyone who is around you, considering whether or not to tip you off about the status of your clothes or hair.
   
   If they do tip you off, say something like, "I look that way on purpose!" That'll really freak them out. , Say something like, "What if we all took off our shoes and put them in a pile right over there, just for about twenty or thirty minutes?" Do not offer explanations.
   
   End all of your ideas abruptly, without seeking input from your listener.
   
   A few moments after your proposal, regardless of the reaction it received, cease paying attention.
   
   You could also possibly walk away, though that verges more on being rude than being awkward. , Awkward silences are the perfect opportunity to, well, make things even more awkward.
   
   Think about how the word "Gatorade" is said in the movie The Water Boy.
   
   You can use any word.
   
   Say it like you mean it, without laughing.
   
   People shouldn't think that you're trying to be awkward on purpose, but that you really mean it. , Not too loudly, though.
   
   A little nervous laugh should suffice.
   
   If you really want to make things awkward, you can do this during serious occasions, like when your friend is talking about his grandmother's poor health.
   
   Just know that this can be interpreted as rude, not awkward.
   
   You can also laugh when your teacher makes a bad joke, or when something that is meant to be funny but isn't comes up.
   
   This will make you look awkward, not to mention like you have a bad sense of humor. , Be sure to show a lot of effort on your face and apologize for taking so long.
   
   Then mess up and start over.
   
   Be on the verge of tears when you do this.
   
   The easier the task is, the better and more awkward this will be.
   
   It can be something like packing up your bag, opening a door, trying to take a picture with your phone, or tying your shoes. , The more you fall when playing sports, the better, especially when you fall during a sport where people don't tend to fall a lot, like ping pong.
   
   You can also send the ball in the wrong direction or even score a goal for the opposite team.
   
   If you cry or look visibly upset, that will make things even more awkward for the people around you.
   
   It's even better if you can act like you think you're the greatest athlete ever in the process; this will make people even more uncomfortable. , If you are with a friend and something fairly ordinary comes on the TV, like your local middle-aged news anchor, say, "Oooh, yeah," as though it is really sexy.
   
   When your friend looks at you like you're an idiot, look guilty.
   
   Say nothing.
   
   Let the silence build.
   
   Don't offer an explanation or add any clarification.
   
   Just.
   
   Let.
   
   It.
   
   Happen. , It's really awkward to say you're sorry when you've done nothing wrong, such as saying sorry when you smile and open the door for someone, or saying sorry when you answer the phone.
   
   It's even better if you say you're sorry when the other person has done something wrong, such as apologizing when someone bumps into you, or when someone spills his drink on you.
   
   Look really sheepish and embarrassed when you say it, for bonus points. , Alternatively, trip over things.
   
   Or bump into stationary objects like file cabinets or poles.
   
   It's important not to look as though you have done so intentionally.
   
   Looking lost and like you're daydreaming can really help you achieve this.
   
   If you're completely lost, staring up at the clouds and scratching your head, when you suddenly get caught up in a dog's leash, then there's really nothing more amazingly awkward than that. , Stare at someone you don't know for an uncomfortably long time.
   
   If the person knows you and is even talking to you, get up really close to the person and try not to blink.
   
   Look borderline deranged or drugged for extra awkwardness points.
   
   Make it seem like you are completely fascinated by the person you are staring at.
   
   If you want to break things up after staring at someone for a long time, crouch down and make uncomfortable eye contact with that person's dog. , "That was totally awkward," "Man, am I awkward," or, "Can I be any more awkward?" are great statements that are guaranteed to make everyone around you feel worse and...more awkward.
   
   It's great if you say, "Awk...ward," especially when you've really accidentally offended someone or done something completely embarrassing. , It's also great to call out, "Awkward!" when absolutely nothing awkward is happening.
   
   You know what will be the only awkward thing? You.
   
   You can try this at perfectly benign situations, such as when people are meeting for the first time, when someone pushes a button on an elevator, or when a couple is hugging. , There's nothing more awkward than telling people you don't know very well way too much about yourself.
   
   You can talk about your obsession with your pet hamster, how your parents still tuck you in, how you're trying to break a nose-picking habit, how you've never even hugged a girl before, how you have a huge crush on your first cousin, or about how you keep forgetting to brush your teeth.
   
   Just pick something kind of awkward that even your real friends wouldn't necessarily want to know about, and then reveal that information to a perfect stranger. , This is another great move.
   
   When you see your friend in a group of people, you can say something like, "How is that eye infection treating you? Are you still super contagious?" or, "Are you still getting over your crush? Man, getting rejected sucks!" This will make the person super uncomfortable, as well as the people who are around.
   
   It's even more awkward if you bring something up that you've actually just made up, such as, "How was your visit to the doctor? Did he help you find a way to stop sucking your thumb?" This will cause confusion and awkwardness
   -- a potent combination. , There's nothing more awkward than making it painfully obvious that you like someone.
   
   If you want to act awkward around your crush, you should always come up to him or her, even if the person is having an obviously personal discussion with friends.
   
   You can also wave like a lovesick puppy and look so distracted when the person walks by that you walk into a locker, trip, or spill your food.
   
   Giving the person extra awkward compliments like, "I've noticed you've worn that pink sweater three times this month.
   
   It still looks great on you though!" is guaranteed to really make things uncomfortable. , Ah, dancing.
   
   One of the easiest ways to make things awkward.
   
   If you want to be an awkward dancer, there are a number of ways to go about it.
   
   You can try to be the center of attention as you thrash your body around violently, pretending like you think you've got moves.
   
   You can do an old-fashioned dance that nobody does seriously, such as "The Sprinkler" and look dead serious when you do it.
   
   You can just bounce up and down and clap your hands to the beat of the music while singing the lyrics loudly.
   
   More awkwardness points if you get the lyrics completely wrong. , The most awkward hug of all is when you stick your butt out like a grandmother and lean toward a person, giving him or her an awkward pat on the back.
   
   It's even more awkward if you face the person and have some trouble moving to the right or left of the person's face.
   
   Holding the hug for an extra second or two longer than necessary can also make things uncomfortable.
   
   The best awkward hug of all is given when a person you are just meeting or who obviously does not want to hug you gives you a wave or a handshake, and you go for the butt-out hug anyway. , When someone introduces you to a child, crouch down and try to shake the child's hand, saying something completely off like, "I've heard such great things about you," or, "It's my pleasure." You can even try this on a child who is only four or five years old if you want to cause complete confusion around you. , This is another perfectly awkward move.
   
   Wave at the person, looking really, really convinced that you actually know him or her.
   
   When you get close enough to realize that you don't know the person, you should keep an idiotic grin on your face instead of apologizing.
   
   Make the person think twice about whether or not they do actually know you
   -- that makes it even more awkward.
   
   For another variation on this move, if you see someone in a crowd waving at someone behind you, give them the same idiotic grin and wave back at them, acting like you're sure the person is waving at you. , Of course, it's polite to hold the door for the person behind you.
   
   But when you spot someone behind you who is approaching the door from pretty far away, holding the door for that person is actually pretty awkward.
   
   Give the person a goofy smile and a half shrug as you continue to hold the door, forcing the person to pick up the pace to walk through the door. , Write something pretty personal, such as, "Why didn't you show up to our date?"
   
   "That rash I told you about is only getting worse"
   
   or "I haven't been able to poop in two days!" and then send it to someone who most definitely is not expecting it.
   
   This could be an acquaintance whose number you just got, a person who you're thinking about asking out on a date, or even someone in your phone who you haven't talked to in over a year who may not even know who the message is coming from.
   
   If the person actually writes back, saying that he or she thinks your message was meant for someone else, you can answer, "It was meant for YOU."
   
   This works best if you do it very aggressively, and act like you really don't understand what the problem is.
   
   If you're in a store, you can even ask someone who works there to help you out because "the door is locked." If someone else tries to help you out, look really flustered and frustrated.
   
   Say something like, "I'm never coming back here again!"
   
   Nobody hates a high five more than a man in a suit.
   
   The next time you're at a formal event when people are trying to act professional or just serious, try to high five as many people as you can.
   
   Whenever someone tries to give you his hand to shake, you should wag your finger and then raise your arm for a high five.
   
   Saying something like, "Put her there, bro!" will really help raise the awkwardness factor. , If your friend just started bringing around his new girlfriend, you can openly ask them, "Is it serious? Do you think you'll get married?" and look really interested in the answer.
   
   The more people around to hear this line of questioning, the more awkward it will be.
   
   If your friend clearly looks like doesn't want to talk about it, act like you don't get the message. , If you want to be awkward, then you should scratch your armpits, your crotch, behind your knees, your legs, your head, or really any part of your body at all.
   
   If you say something like, "I think I have bedbugs!" or, "Something really itches!" then you'll be guaranteed to make everyone uncomfortable. , Get a nice big old chunk of kale or something dark and unpleasant and make sure it's lodged between your teeth, ideally your front teeth.
   
   Then, strike up as many conversations as you can with people and smile often, so that they are compelled to stare at your teeth.
   
   Keep doing it until someone finally tells you you have something in your teeth.
   
   When they say that, you can say something awkward like, "That's funny, I must have forgotten to brush my teeth for the second day in a row!"
   
   Nothing can make a new relationship feel more awkward than mentioning someone from the past.
   
   If your friend brings over his new girlfriend, Cindy, after breaking up with his girlfriend of five years, Mary, make sure to enthusiastically say, "It's great to see you, Mary!" when you encounter poor Cindy.
   
   Then blush, apologize, and say something awkward like, "You two just look so much alike," or "I really miss old Mary." This is guaranteed to get glares from your friend and to create awkwardness in no time at all. , This maneuver always scores a lot of awkwardness points.
   
   Go into a store and find a person who very obviously does not work there and who looks busy and absorbed in shopping.
   
   Then, say, "Excuse me?" and very earnestly ask for help.
   
   This works best if you ask for something awkward, such as asking a random person in a grocery store to help you find the tampon section, or asking someone at the grocery store where you can find the cream for rashes.
3. 3

   Step 3: Don't bother checking how you look throughout the day.

4. 4

   Step 4: Propose ludicrous suggestions to your friends and those around you with no provocation.

5. 5

   Step 5: Say a single word in a very drawn-out way using a high pitched voice during an awkward silence.

6. 6

   Step 6: Laugh randomly.

7. 7

   Step 7: Take a long time to do simple tasks when everyone is watching.

8. 8

   Step 8: Fall often when you play sports.

9. 9

   Step 9: Say things are sexy when they're not.

10. 10

    Step 10: Apologize when you've done nothing wrong.

11. 11

    Step 11: Get tangled in things.

12. 12

    Step 12: Make creepy eye contact.

13. 13

    Step 13: Point out when you're being awkward.

14. 14

    Step 14: Call things awkward when they're not.

15. 15

    Step 15: Reveal way too much personal information.

16. 16

    Step 16: Make other people feel awkward by asking them private information in public.

17. 17

    Step 17: Act really awkward around your crush.

18. 18

    Step 18: Dance awkwardly.

19. 19

    Step 19: Give an awkward hug.

20. 20

    Step 20: Shake a child's hand.

21. 21

    Step 21: Wave at someone you don't actually know.

22. 22

    Step 22: Hold a door open for someone who is way too far away.

23. 23

    Step 23: Send a personal message to the wrong person.

24. 24

    Step 24: Push a door that says "Pull."

25. 25

    Step 25: Give high fives in formal settings.

26. 26

    Step 26: Ask a new couple about how serious their relationship is.

27. 27

    Step 27: Scratch yourself a lot.

28. 28

    Step 28: Walk around with food stuck in your teeth.

29. 29

    Step 29: Call your friend's girlfriend by his old girlfriend's name.

30. 30

    Step 30: Go in to a store and ask someone who doesn't work there for help.

Detailed Guide

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