How to Be Honest Without Hurting People's Feelings
Ask people about their perspective., Put yourself in their shoes.One of the simplest ways to avoid hurting feelings is to imagine how they will respond to your statements., Control your words and body language., Be polite in your responses., Express...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask people about their perspective.
Before being honest about how you feel its important to know their perspective.
This gives you a chance to show genuine interest and have a conversation.
This may also give you opportunities to speak up and be honest.
They may even end their explanation with a request to hear your perspective. -
Step 2: Put yourself in their shoes.One of the simplest ways to avoid hurting feelings is to imagine how they will respond to your statements.
If they said that to you, would you be upset? Practice imagining how they view their own opinion and yours.
Just because their perspective is different doesn't mean its wrong. , Be careful with your honesty.
You want to speak the truth in kindness.
That means avoiding overtly disapproving behaviorssuch as grimacing or making fun of their ideas.
Sometimes you may not know your tone of voice is broadcasting disapproval.
This can be difficult to change.
Your vocal tone is often subconsciously created.
Try to speak in a neutral tone resisting the urge to let your feelings and emotions show true in your voice.
You may think this disingenuous but once you speak your opinion, its not necessary to convey disapproval non-verbally too. , Whenever you try to avoid hurting others it is best to speak with kindness.
Common gestures of kindness (i.e., politeness) go a long way.
They convey respect and show you value the other person.
This situation isn't all about you speaking your mind.
Its about them feeling valued. , Even if you know the facts back you up, this shows you value their perspective.
If they have an open mind, facts will change their perspective.
If they do not have an open mind, facts will feel like personal attacks.
They have a right to be incorrect.
Let them come to the truth on their own terms, not yours.
Forcing your perspective is an easy way to hurt feelings.
Don't criticize or condemn.This may seem difficult but is important.
Speak your truth in a way that doesn't put their perspective down.
Statements like "You're wrong there" and "I can't believe you think that" are to be avoided.
Instead, agree with them when their perspective is consistent with their justifications (e.g., "I can see how that follows").
Follow with your perspective (e.g., "I read that..." or "I think...") such that your statement is not directly antagonistic towards theirs.
Avoid hyperbole.
Very, very rarely are things "always" and "never." Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth.
Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole rarely is honest.
Instead, use facts and try to avoid letting your emotions run high. , Keep in mind being honest is not the same as being right.
You can be honest and factually wrong at the same time.
You can also be honest, factually right, and still hurt feelings.Be humble with your perspective.
Listen to others' justifications for their perspectives and resist the urge to convert them to your perspective.
Place value in your own perspective.You are entitled to your perspective and opinion.
Even if you chose to be quiet, remember your perspective is just as valid as theirs.
Just as they have a right to be honest, so do you.
Just as you have a right to your opinion, they have a right to theirs.
Even if their opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with their own beliefs.
If you speak your honest perspective and they do not hear you, forcing the issue will lead to hurt feelings.
They aren't ready for it.
If they disagree with you, that's ok.
Resist the temptation to get them to agree with you.
If it is important, you may have to let them make their own mistakes.
But that doesn't mean you are wrong either when they vehemently disagree with you.
This also doesn't mean they don't care about you.
It just means they have a different perspective. -
Step 3: Control your words and body language.
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Step 4: Be polite in your responses.
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Step 5: Express your perspective as opinion
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Step 6: not fact.
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Step 7: Don't take the disagreement personally.
Detailed Guide
Before being honest about how you feel its important to know their perspective.
This gives you a chance to show genuine interest and have a conversation.
This may also give you opportunities to speak up and be honest.
They may even end their explanation with a request to hear your perspective.
If they said that to you, would you be upset? Practice imagining how they view their own opinion and yours.
Just because their perspective is different doesn't mean its wrong. , Be careful with your honesty.
You want to speak the truth in kindness.
That means avoiding overtly disapproving behaviorssuch as grimacing or making fun of their ideas.
Sometimes you may not know your tone of voice is broadcasting disapproval.
This can be difficult to change.
Your vocal tone is often subconsciously created.
Try to speak in a neutral tone resisting the urge to let your feelings and emotions show true in your voice.
You may think this disingenuous but once you speak your opinion, its not necessary to convey disapproval non-verbally too. , Whenever you try to avoid hurting others it is best to speak with kindness.
Common gestures of kindness (i.e., politeness) go a long way.
They convey respect and show you value the other person.
This situation isn't all about you speaking your mind.
Its about them feeling valued. , Even if you know the facts back you up, this shows you value their perspective.
If they have an open mind, facts will change their perspective.
If they do not have an open mind, facts will feel like personal attacks.
They have a right to be incorrect.
Let them come to the truth on their own terms, not yours.
Forcing your perspective is an easy way to hurt feelings.
Don't criticize or condemn.This may seem difficult but is important.
Speak your truth in a way that doesn't put their perspective down.
Statements like "You're wrong there" and "I can't believe you think that" are to be avoided.
Instead, agree with them when their perspective is consistent with their justifications (e.g., "I can see how that follows").
Follow with your perspective (e.g., "I read that..." or "I think...") such that your statement is not directly antagonistic towards theirs.
Avoid hyperbole.
Very, very rarely are things "always" and "never." Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth.
Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole rarely is honest.
Instead, use facts and try to avoid letting your emotions run high. , Keep in mind being honest is not the same as being right.
You can be honest and factually wrong at the same time.
You can also be honest, factually right, and still hurt feelings.Be humble with your perspective.
Listen to others' justifications for their perspectives and resist the urge to convert them to your perspective.
Place value in your own perspective.You are entitled to your perspective and opinion.
Even if you chose to be quiet, remember your perspective is just as valid as theirs.
Just as they have a right to be honest, so do you.
Just as you have a right to your opinion, they have a right to theirs.
Even if their opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with their own beliefs.
If you speak your honest perspective and they do not hear you, forcing the issue will lead to hurt feelings.
They aren't ready for it.
If they disagree with you, that's ok.
Resist the temptation to get them to agree with you.
If it is important, you may have to let them make their own mistakes.
But that doesn't mean you are wrong either when they vehemently disagree with you.
This also doesn't mean they don't care about you.
It just means they have a different perspective.
About the Author
Timothy Richardson
Experienced content creator specializing in crafts guides and tutorials.
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