How to Be Mysterious
Button up., Be confident., Be a brilliant summarizer but not such a good detailer., Maintain a calm exterior at all times., Develop your own sense of style., Be unreadable.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Button up.
Or, in other words, put a lid on it.
If you're an extroverted, happy-go-lucky, conversational dynamo, it can be hard to keep it all in sometimes.
And yet, telling everyone your life story when you first meet, or date can end up being a turn-off, especially when the details are too much information (TMI).
Relax.
Take in the silence.
Become more of an observer.
Telling all can often scare people off because they wonder why it's so easy to be that open about your life and they'll worry how much you'll want them to reveal, too.
Learn to be discerning about what you tell others you barely know and leave more to the imagination.
Know when to speak.
How did Plato put it? "Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."Be the wise man, not the fool. -
Step 2: Be confident.
Being mysterious requires that you are confident enough not to have to fill in the gaps in conversations.
It's also about not being rattled by the natural silences that crop up in day-to-day interactions between people.
Use those gaps to greater effect, to amplify the meaning of the things you do say.
Moreover, being confident within yourself will show in your posture, composure, and facial expressions.
To be successfully mysterious, you need to come off as needing nothing from no one.
You don't need approval, and you don't need anyone to hold your hand through any endeavor.
Does James Bond need approval? Angelina Jolie? Nope and nope. , Never give away too much when you're talking about personal things.
For example, if the person you're interested in wants to know about your past, be very candid but not specific.
Never tell this person extra details, or give the whole story.
Work on summarizing everything.
They'll feel like they know without actually knowing.
It's important to be decisive.
When you're answering questions, you answer them simply and to the point, no dilly-dallying about it.
The other person won't know whether to probe or not, since you gave the whole story (even though it was with such little detail).
How can they argue with what you had to say? What right do they have to the details? Most people will not want to tiptoe the line. , Whatever else is raging on around you in the world of interrelating, avoid showing over-emotional reactions to events or people.
Calmness is linked firmly to exuding confidence and a calm reaction will confirm that you're level-headed, as well as eliciting an aura of mysteriousness.
People will wonder how you can manage to remain so calm about situations in which they're shocked, outraged, or panicking.
This may take some practice for you but you can begin by practicing deep breathing, learning to reflect before reacting to news events and family/friend rumors, and then slowly realizing that the calm manner in which you react can help you cope better.
When showing emotions like anger or love, be stoic and composed.
Show emotion with your eyes, rather than your mouth or facial expressions or actions.
Don't yell if you're angry about something, and don't jump to kissing someone if you think you're in love.
A lover would be expecting both things, so don't go for the obvious reaction.
Train yourself to be calm and reflective.
Keep your voice calm and relaxed. , Too often the clothes we wear put us into a box.
Don an Abercrombie & Fitch polo and certain crowds will claim to have you all figured out; a Doctor Who t-shirt and a backpack in the shape of the Tardis and others will say the same.
So however you come off on the outside, make it your own.
No one will really know where you fit.
The same can be said for your actions in addition to your fashion sense.
Doing something completely counter-intuitive to your personality will leave people wondering, "Where the heck did that come from?" So go ahead.
After football practice, whip out your yodeling talent.
After assembling that computer, treat yourself to a facial.
Get home from the museum in time for the football game.
Don't let anyone peg you. , When James Bond is doing his James Bond thing, he's working in inconsistent clusters and, therefore, cannot be read.
If he's flirting with a woman, he's serious and stoic, not eager or physically obvious.
If he's cracking a joke, no one knows it's a joke until the very end of the punch line.
Use this.
Have your body not match the tone of the circumstance, be light-hearted in the face of adversity, be emotionless when things get dark.
Have something about you that just doesn't make sense.
Doing this well will help you avoid the "dark" label that often goes with mysterious.
A person that's not talkative, a bit of a loner, and needs no one can easily be mistaken as depressed.
That's not what you're going for.
Having something about you that doesn't fit the mold will avoid being lumped in with the cliche. -
Step 3: Be a brilliant summarizer but not such a good detailer.
-
Step 4: Maintain a calm exterior at all times.
-
Step 5: Develop your own sense of style.
-
Step 6: Be unreadable.
Detailed Guide
Or, in other words, put a lid on it.
If you're an extroverted, happy-go-lucky, conversational dynamo, it can be hard to keep it all in sometimes.
And yet, telling everyone your life story when you first meet, or date can end up being a turn-off, especially when the details are too much information (TMI).
Relax.
Take in the silence.
Become more of an observer.
Telling all can often scare people off because they wonder why it's so easy to be that open about your life and they'll worry how much you'll want them to reveal, too.
Learn to be discerning about what you tell others you barely know and leave more to the imagination.
Know when to speak.
How did Plato put it? "Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."Be the wise man, not the fool.
Being mysterious requires that you are confident enough not to have to fill in the gaps in conversations.
It's also about not being rattled by the natural silences that crop up in day-to-day interactions between people.
Use those gaps to greater effect, to amplify the meaning of the things you do say.
Moreover, being confident within yourself will show in your posture, composure, and facial expressions.
To be successfully mysterious, you need to come off as needing nothing from no one.
You don't need approval, and you don't need anyone to hold your hand through any endeavor.
Does James Bond need approval? Angelina Jolie? Nope and nope. , Never give away too much when you're talking about personal things.
For example, if the person you're interested in wants to know about your past, be very candid but not specific.
Never tell this person extra details, or give the whole story.
Work on summarizing everything.
They'll feel like they know without actually knowing.
It's important to be decisive.
When you're answering questions, you answer them simply and to the point, no dilly-dallying about it.
The other person won't know whether to probe or not, since you gave the whole story (even though it was with such little detail).
How can they argue with what you had to say? What right do they have to the details? Most people will not want to tiptoe the line. , Whatever else is raging on around you in the world of interrelating, avoid showing over-emotional reactions to events or people.
Calmness is linked firmly to exuding confidence and a calm reaction will confirm that you're level-headed, as well as eliciting an aura of mysteriousness.
People will wonder how you can manage to remain so calm about situations in which they're shocked, outraged, or panicking.
This may take some practice for you but you can begin by practicing deep breathing, learning to reflect before reacting to news events and family/friend rumors, and then slowly realizing that the calm manner in which you react can help you cope better.
When showing emotions like anger or love, be stoic and composed.
Show emotion with your eyes, rather than your mouth or facial expressions or actions.
Don't yell if you're angry about something, and don't jump to kissing someone if you think you're in love.
A lover would be expecting both things, so don't go for the obvious reaction.
Train yourself to be calm and reflective.
Keep your voice calm and relaxed. , Too often the clothes we wear put us into a box.
Don an Abercrombie & Fitch polo and certain crowds will claim to have you all figured out; a Doctor Who t-shirt and a backpack in the shape of the Tardis and others will say the same.
So however you come off on the outside, make it your own.
No one will really know where you fit.
The same can be said for your actions in addition to your fashion sense.
Doing something completely counter-intuitive to your personality will leave people wondering, "Where the heck did that come from?" So go ahead.
After football practice, whip out your yodeling talent.
After assembling that computer, treat yourself to a facial.
Get home from the museum in time for the football game.
Don't let anyone peg you. , When James Bond is doing his James Bond thing, he's working in inconsistent clusters and, therefore, cannot be read.
If he's flirting with a woman, he's serious and stoic, not eager or physically obvious.
If he's cracking a joke, no one knows it's a joke until the very end of the punch line.
Use this.
Have your body not match the tone of the circumstance, be light-hearted in the face of adversity, be emotionless when things get dark.
Have something about you that just doesn't make sense.
Doing this well will help you avoid the "dark" label that often goes with mysterious.
A person that's not talkative, a bit of a loner, and needs no one can easily be mistaken as depressed.
That's not what you're going for.
Having something about you that doesn't fit the mold will avoid being lumped in with the cliche.
About the Author
Ruth Cole
Committed to making cooking accessible and understandable for everyone.
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