How to Be Nice to an Ex
Deal with your feelings., Examine your motives., Give yourself time., Practice calming techniques.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Deal with your feelings.
Before you can be nice to your ex, you will have to address any feelings you have about the relationship or about your ex.It will be difficult for you to be nice if you still resent your ex for something they did or if you are still hurt from the breakup.
Keep in mind that it is important to release your feelings of resentment, anger, pain, and frustration.
You can do this any way that is helpful to you, such as by using self-talk, talking to a close friend, or journaling.
The most important thing is to let it go.
Hanging on to feelings of resentment will do you no good.
Write in your journal about how you honestly feel about your ex and the relationship.
For example, you might write, “I’m over her and the relationship.
I’m happy with my new love and just want to be cordial with my ex.” Admit to yourself if you still have feelings that might make being nice to your ex difficult.
For example, if you are still angry at your ex for cheating on you, then being nice may take a lot of effort. -
Step 2: Examine your motives.
In some situations, like when children are involved, being nice to an ex is almost necessary.
Other times it’s simply your choice.
Determine if you want to be nice to your ex simply because you are a nice person, or if you have an underlying motive for your actions.
It may be harder you to be genuinely nice if you know that you are only being nice to reach a secret goal.
Ask yourself if you are being nice because you are secretly trying to get back together.
Ask yourself if that’s really a good idea.
Are you wanting to be nice to your ex just to prove to them that you are over them (even though you aren’t)? Trying to prove that you have moved on by being nice can backfire, especially if doing so causes your ex to do or say something to upset you.
Do you want to be nice because you truly are over the relationship and just want to be polite and considerate? , Being nice is generally a good thing.
But, immediately after the breakup and for some time after it, it may be too painful for one or both of you to even be in the same room without problems.If you give yourself (and your ex) time, however, you will be able to be nice your ex.
For the first few days, or even weeks, after the breakup, you may need to avoid your ex just to give both of you time to heal.
Don’t feel like you have to be nice if you aren’t ready to.
It’s okay to give yourself time to get over your ex before trying to be pleasant.
Make sure to take plenty of time to work through the anger, hurt, and pain.
It is important for you to learn how to live without depending on the other person.
Spend time with friends and work on building these connections.
After some time has passed, you may even be able to have a friendship with your ex. , These strategies can help you acknowledge and process your emotions.
Practicing calming techniques can also help prepare you for your interactions with your ex.If you become stressed when you see your ex, you will already know how to calm yourself down.
Strategies like deep breathing can calm you so that you can work through the emotions that you feel about your ex.
Practice taking deep breaths by inhaling through your mouth slowly.
Hold the breath in your belly a few seconds, and then release it slowly through your nose.
Other strategies like mindfulness meditation can help you work through your emotions and calm you down in a stressful situation.
Focus on your emotions and how your body is feeling when you’re using mindfulness techniques.
Don’t resist what you’re feeling.
Just allow it to pass. -
Step 3: Give yourself time.
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Step 4: Practice calming techniques.
Detailed Guide
Before you can be nice to your ex, you will have to address any feelings you have about the relationship or about your ex.It will be difficult for you to be nice if you still resent your ex for something they did or if you are still hurt from the breakup.
Keep in mind that it is important to release your feelings of resentment, anger, pain, and frustration.
You can do this any way that is helpful to you, such as by using self-talk, talking to a close friend, or journaling.
The most important thing is to let it go.
Hanging on to feelings of resentment will do you no good.
Write in your journal about how you honestly feel about your ex and the relationship.
For example, you might write, “I’m over her and the relationship.
I’m happy with my new love and just want to be cordial with my ex.” Admit to yourself if you still have feelings that might make being nice to your ex difficult.
For example, if you are still angry at your ex for cheating on you, then being nice may take a lot of effort.
In some situations, like when children are involved, being nice to an ex is almost necessary.
Other times it’s simply your choice.
Determine if you want to be nice to your ex simply because you are a nice person, or if you have an underlying motive for your actions.
It may be harder you to be genuinely nice if you know that you are only being nice to reach a secret goal.
Ask yourself if you are being nice because you are secretly trying to get back together.
Ask yourself if that’s really a good idea.
Are you wanting to be nice to your ex just to prove to them that you are over them (even though you aren’t)? Trying to prove that you have moved on by being nice can backfire, especially if doing so causes your ex to do or say something to upset you.
Do you want to be nice because you truly are over the relationship and just want to be polite and considerate? , Being nice is generally a good thing.
But, immediately after the breakup and for some time after it, it may be too painful for one or both of you to even be in the same room without problems.If you give yourself (and your ex) time, however, you will be able to be nice your ex.
For the first few days, or even weeks, after the breakup, you may need to avoid your ex just to give both of you time to heal.
Don’t feel like you have to be nice if you aren’t ready to.
It’s okay to give yourself time to get over your ex before trying to be pleasant.
Make sure to take plenty of time to work through the anger, hurt, and pain.
It is important for you to learn how to live without depending on the other person.
Spend time with friends and work on building these connections.
After some time has passed, you may even be able to have a friendship with your ex. , These strategies can help you acknowledge and process your emotions.
Practicing calming techniques can also help prepare you for your interactions with your ex.If you become stressed when you see your ex, you will already know how to calm yourself down.
Strategies like deep breathing can calm you so that you can work through the emotions that you feel about your ex.
Practice taking deep breaths by inhaling through your mouth slowly.
Hold the breath in your belly a few seconds, and then release it slowly through your nose.
Other strategies like mindfulness meditation can help you work through your emotions and calm you down in a stressful situation.
Focus on your emotions and how your body is feeling when you’re using mindfulness techniques.
Don’t resist what you’re feeling.
Just allow it to pass.
About the Author
Edward Hart
Experienced content creator specializing in lifestyle guides and tutorials.
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