How to Be Passionate Without Being Angry
Express your opinion without assigning blame., Get creative when expressing your enthusiasm., Be careful with criticism., Respond carefully when you’re hurt., Know when NOT to respond.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Express your opinion without assigning blame.
Even the appearance of attacking someone or their beliefs in the course of expressing your own can make you seem hostile and angry.
Ask others about their own opinions in a judgment-free manner as much as you can.
Use phrases such as: “I”m curious about…” “What did you mean when you said…” or “I want to understand how you feel about…” Avoid rigid categorizations when addressing someone: “You should,” “You always/never,” “You’re just,” and so on. -
Step 2: Get creative when expressing your enthusiasm.
Finding innovative ways to express your passions is a great way to spread your fervor without appearing strident or overbearing.
Join a group of like-minded people.
There are innumerable options here, from churches, to volunteer groups, to recreational sports leagues, and so on.
Find one that’s right for you, and don’t be afraid to “shop around.” Art can be a great outlet for passion.
Drawing, sculpture, poetry, dance, and photography are just a few options for a constructive outlet.
When all else fails, exercise.
It’s a great stress reducer and helps release intense, pent up emotion., Sometimes we all get the urge to critique something or someone that has aroused our passions.
It’s best to criticize judiciously and positively, if you must.
People take criticism personally, so tread carefully.
Avoid being insulting or mean, and focus on actions or things rather than the person.
Remember that tone is hard to convey in writing, so be especially careful in giving a written critique.
Avoid sarcasm.
Try to offer suggestions rather than merely pointing out what is wrong. “This is a terrible idea” is far less helpful than “Perhaps we should finish our cigarettes, then gas up the car.”, Sometimes you may be deeply offended, perhaps inadvertently, regarding an issue you’re passionate about.
Lashing out at such times is a natural response, but you’ll appear angry and you may exacerbate the situation.
Let the other person know that they’ve hurt you by writing them a letter.
The act of writing forces you to verbalize your emotions, and think things through.
You also have the opportunity to hold on to the message for a few days, to see if your feelings have moderated in that time.
If you’re normally talkative and gregarious, you can demonstrate your pain by clamming up.
Don’t take this too far, of course
- you want the other person to notice that your feelings are wounded, but you don’t want to alienate them or make them guess as to what’s wrong.
Be prepared to be more direct if they don’t pick up on your cues.
Cancel a regular social engagement to get their attention, or use a fictionalized version of what’s bothering you to engage them.
If they’re prepared to sympathize with how a fictional “Suzy” was hurt by an insensitive remark about her weight, you can reveal yourself to be Suzy if you need to drive the point home., Sometimes the best response to a misunderstanding, especially on a subject you feel strongly about, is no response at all.
This is particularly true if the other person has misunderstood your feelings or opinions on the matter.Remember that you are not obligated to respond to a misunderstanding.
Your beliefs have value, regardless of what others may think of them.
Keep this in mind to help you resist the urge to respond needlessly to provocation.
Take a breather.
Sometimes taking time away before deciding to respond is all you need to do.
The issue may seem less urgent or upsetting once you revisit it, obviating the need to do anything. -
Step 3: Be careful with criticism.
-
Step 4: Respond carefully when you’re hurt.
-
Step 5: Know when NOT to respond.
Detailed Guide
Even the appearance of attacking someone or their beliefs in the course of expressing your own can make you seem hostile and angry.
Ask others about their own opinions in a judgment-free manner as much as you can.
Use phrases such as: “I”m curious about…” “What did you mean when you said…” or “I want to understand how you feel about…” Avoid rigid categorizations when addressing someone: “You should,” “You always/never,” “You’re just,” and so on.
Finding innovative ways to express your passions is a great way to spread your fervor without appearing strident or overbearing.
Join a group of like-minded people.
There are innumerable options here, from churches, to volunteer groups, to recreational sports leagues, and so on.
Find one that’s right for you, and don’t be afraid to “shop around.” Art can be a great outlet for passion.
Drawing, sculpture, poetry, dance, and photography are just a few options for a constructive outlet.
When all else fails, exercise.
It’s a great stress reducer and helps release intense, pent up emotion., Sometimes we all get the urge to critique something or someone that has aroused our passions.
It’s best to criticize judiciously and positively, if you must.
People take criticism personally, so tread carefully.
Avoid being insulting or mean, and focus on actions or things rather than the person.
Remember that tone is hard to convey in writing, so be especially careful in giving a written critique.
Avoid sarcasm.
Try to offer suggestions rather than merely pointing out what is wrong. “This is a terrible idea” is far less helpful than “Perhaps we should finish our cigarettes, then gas up the car.”, Sometimes you may be deeply offended, perhaps inadvertently, regarding an issue you’re passionate about.
Lashing out at such times is a natural response, but you’ll appear angry and you may exacerbate the situation.
Let the other person know that they’ve hurt you by writing them a letter.
The act of writing forces you to verbalize your emotions, and think things through.
You also have the opportunity to hold on to the message for a few days, to see if your feelings have moderated in that time.
If you’re normally talkative and gregarious, you can demonstrate your pain by clamming up.
Don’t take this too far, of course
- you want the other person to notice that your feelings are wounded, but you don’t want to alienate them or make them guess as to what’s wrong.
Be prepared to be more direct if they don’t pick up on your cues.
Cancel a regular social engagement to get their attention, or use a fictionalized version of what’s bothering you to engage them.
If they’re prepared to sympathize with how a fictional “Suzy” was hurt by an insensitive remark about her weight, you can reveal yourself to be Suzy if you need to drive the point home., Sometimes the best response to a misunderstanding, especially on a subject you feel strongly about, is no response at all.
This is particularly true if the other person has misunderstood your feelings or opinions on the matter.Remember that you are not obligated to respond to a misunderstanding.
Your beliefs have value, regardless of what others may think of them.
Keep this in mind to help you resist the urge to respond needlessly to provocation.
Take a breather.
Sometimes taking time away before deciding to respond is all you need to do.
The issue may seem less urgent or upsetting once you revisit it, obviating the need to do anything.
About the Author
Stephanie Hill
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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