How to Be Real
Understand what authenticity means., Cultivate a commitment to be more self-aware., Write to and about yourself., Constantly ask questions., Evaluate your self-talk., Take a personality test., Become more aware of your feelings., Do something for...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand what authenticity means.
Psychologists define authenticity as manifestation of a person's true self in their everyday lives.
Basically, it means that your core self is reflected in what you believe, say, and do everyday.
People who are real accept themselves and all of their strengths as well as their weaknesses.
They behave in ways that align with their values and avoid behaviors that do not fit neatly with their values.
At its core, authenticity is about being real and genuine.The first step to being real begins when you actively decide to be genuine.
This has to be a conscious decision.
You will also have to commit to acting in accordance with who you are even though sometimes this will be challenging and you will feel vulnerable.
Realness may require you to do things that will be unpopular with other people.
You may also have to acknowledge aspects of yourself that are less favorable, but this is important because acknowledging what you value or do not value about yourself leads you to live an open and honest
-- and more real
-- life.
Being real has benefits for your mental health.
Research has shown that authentic people feel better about themselves and are more likely to show resilience in the face of personal challenges and less likely to engage in self-destructive coping mechanisms like alcohol abuse or other risky behavior.
Authentic people also tend to demonstrate more purpose in their choices and are more goal-directed and committed to seeing things through to success. -
Step 2: Cultivate a commitment to be more self-aware.
The key to realness is self-knowledge and self-awareness.
It's important that you take time to know yourself on a very deep level.
Being real means living your own life, not the lives of others.
Throughout our lives, and particularly our childhood, we pick up messages based on what other people and say and do and incorporate these into our own belief system.
Eventually, we assume that these thoughts are our own.
The project of becoming more self aware works to assess all of these beliefs and values and see which ones are really your own and which you've incorporated simply because you saw them reflected in others.The benefit of self-awareness is that once you know your values, you can then determine your actions in order to ensure that these two things align.
This is how you really become real.
For instance, if you decide you believe in God, then perhaps going to church every Sunday is a way of affirming this belief and means something important to you.
However, if you decide you don't believe or are unsure, maybe you stop formally attending church for a while as you figure things out.Realize that self-awareness is a constant pursuit, not something that you can really master and then not think about again., To discover your true self, reflect on and write a list of everything that is important to you and what truly resonates in yourself.
The process of choosing and writing words might help you clarify what exactly your inner values are.Consider writing in a journal.
A journal helps makes you more aware and also provides you with a direct means to look back on and reflect on the past.
It can also help you track patterns or trends in your life.
If you have troubling journaling and find yourself "writing around" the big issues, you can also consider writing with a series of prompts, such as "Things I love" or "Who am I right now".
Set a timer for 10 minutes and write about that topic for the duration of the timer.
This exercise helps you focus in on what you're trying to discover about yourself.You can also try an exercise where you fill out the rest of this sentence and either share it with a friend or keep it to yourself: "If you really knew me you’d know this: ___________." This exercise invites introspection and helps people boil down who they are to those most essential values and components., Embark on a journey of curiosity and ask yourself questions to recenter yourself and decenter other people's views and scripts for your life.
These questions and/or hypothetical situation can help you think about really matters as you develop your answers and provide the motivation needed to steer your life on its true course.
Questions might include:
If money didn't exist, what would you be doing with your life? If your house was on fire, what three things would you make sure to grab? What do you think you have to lose? What sets you apart from other people? These questions can also be more direct.
Try not to think too much but just to follow your intuition.
For example, are you patient or impatient? An introvert or an extrovert? Do you take responsibility for your mistakes? Are you someone who says 'yes' or 'no'? Do you prefer mornings or nights?Try reexamining some of your 'core beliefs' that you've had since childhood.
Immersing yourself in other cultures, philosophies and religious thought can help you make a unique, informed decision about what is authentic for you. , Self-awareness means to listen to yourself.
Think not only about what you say and do in the world, but also what you say to yourself.
How do you talk to yourself? What's going on in your mind? Is a negative diatribe where you lament how you do things and criticize yourself for not being smarter, prettier, nicer, and the like? Or are you generous with yourself and try to focus on the positive and move forward from mistakes? Assessing how you talk to yourself internally will give you a sense of how you truly feel about yourself and your life course because it is that interior world that is your most real self.
Every day set aside a few minutes to sit quietly and listen to your inner voice.
Try taking deep breathes and tapping into your mind and its thoughts.
Alternatively, you could also stand in front of a mirror and "confront" yourself by talking out loud.
Say everything that you think out loud., Although each individual is undeniably unique, psychologists who study personality also belief that there are certain personality types that share characteristics in common.
Knowing which personality type applies to you might help you understand why you think, feel, and act like you do.Though there is no shortage of personality tests online and through social media, the best-known test is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which identifies four psychological scales:
Extroversion-Introversion, Sensing-Intuition, Thinking-Feeling, and Judging-Perceiving.
The test suggests that each person has a preference for one of the two sides of each scale.It's important to note that personality tests, while interesting and useful to some extent, cannot fundamentally tell you who you are.
Keep in mind that some have low statistical validity and reliability.
Moreover, your identity is made up of much more than just four factors on a personality test, after all.
However, such tests may give you some food for thought as you ponder and reflect on the results. , Our feelings and emotions are our spontaneous reactions to our life experiences and can provide useful information and feedback about ourselves and our place in the world.
Not everyone likes tuning into or thinking about their feelings, but it is a useful exercise because it tells you what you like and dislike, what makes you happy, sad, uncomfortable, anxious, and so on.
One thing you can do to try to be more aware of how you feel is to reflect on the physical manifestations of emotions.
For example:
The feeling of butterflies in your stomach might signal nervousness or anxiety.
A heated feeling in your face might indicate embarrassment or anger.
Clenching your teeth or jaw might be a sign that you're upset, frustrated, or angry. , Take a day off and go for a hike by yourself.
Eat at a restaurant alone.
Or, better yet, travel by yourself.
Some people find that some alone time is the best way to learn about themselves.
They learn about what they can and can't do and what they want and don't want and usually emerge from a temporary solitary experiment feeling stronger and more in tune with themselves.
Maybe, for example, you discover that you really enjoy "getting lost" in cities and prefer wandering around as opposed to scheduled tours.Sometimes it can seem in our modern world that to want to be alone is weird and unsettling.
But some alone time can have several benefits; it can help you build your confidence, realize that you don't need the validation of others, learn to value your own opinions (as opposed to those of others) as well as invite opportunities to reflect on recent changes and "rearrange your mental furniture" to adjust to your changing life.
Alone time can also help you home in on what exactly it is you want from life and give you that sense of purpose and direction so many of us crave. -
Step 3: Write to and about yourself.
-
Step 4: Constantly ask questions.
-
Step 5: Evaluate your self-talk.
-
Step 6: Take a personality test.
-
Step 7: Become more aware of your feelings.
-
Step 8: Do something for and with yourself.
Detailed Guide
Psychologists define authenticity as manifestation of a person's true self in their everyday lives.
Basically, it means that your core self is reflected in what you believe, say, and do everyday.
People who are real accept themselves and all of their strengths as well as their weaknesses.
They behave in ways that align with their values and avoid behaviors that do not fit neatly with their values.
At its core, authenticity is about being real and genuine.The first step to being real begins when you actively decide to be genuine.
This has to be a conscious decision.
You will also have to commit to acting in accordance with who you are even though sometimes this will be challenging and you will feel vulnerable.
Realness may require you to do things that will be unpopular with other people.
You may also have to acknowledge aspects of yourself that are less favorable, but this is important because acknowledging what you value or do not value about yourself leads you to live an open and honest
-- and more real
-- life.
Being real has benefits for your mental health.
Research has shown that authentic people feel better about themselves and are more likely to show resilience in the face of personal challenges and less likely to engage in self-destructive coping mechanisms like alcohol abuse or other risky behavior.
Authentic people also tend to demonstrate more purpose in their choices and are more goal-directed and committed to seeing things through to success.
The key to realness is self-knowledge and self-awareness.
It's important that you take time to know yourself on a very deep level.
Being real means living your own life, not the lives of others.
Throughout our lives, and particularly our childhood, we pick up messages based on what other people and say and do and incorporate these into our own belief system.
Eventually, we assume that these thoughts are our own.
The project of becoming more self aware works to assess all of these beliefs and values and see which ones are really your own and which you've incorporated simply because you saw them reflected in others.The benefit of self-awareness is that once you know your values, you can then determine your actions in order to ensure that these two things align.
This is how you really become real.
For instance, if you decide you believe in God, then perhaps going to church every Sunday is a way of affirming this belief and means something important to you.
However, if you decide you don't believe or are unsure, maybe you stop formally attending church for a while as you figure things out.Realize that self-awareness is a constant pursuit, not something that you can really master and then not think about again., To discover your true self, reflect on and write a list of everything that is important to you and what truly resonates in yourself.
The process of choosing and writing words might help you clarify what exactly your inner values are.Consider writing in a journal.
A journal helps makes you more aware and also provides you with a direct means to look back on and reflect on the past.
It can also help you track patterns or trends in your life.
If you have troubling journaling and find yourself "writing around" the big issues, you can also consider writing with a series of prompts, such as "Things I love" or "Who am I right now".
Set a timer for 10 minutes and write about that topic for the duration of the timer.
This exercise helps you focus in on what you're trying to discover about yourself.You can also try an exercise where you fill out the rest of this sentence and either share it with a friend or keep it to yourself: "If you really knew me you’d know this: ___________." This exercise invites introspection and helps people boil down who they are to those most essential values and components., Embark on a journey of curiosity and ask yourself questions to recenter yourself and decenter other people's views and scripts for your life.
These questions and/or hypothetical situation can help you think about really matters as you develop your answers and provide the motivation needed to steer your life on its true course.
Questions might include:
If money didn't exist, what would you be doing with your life? If your house was on fire, what three things would you make sure to grab? What do you think you have to lose? What sets you apart from other people? These questions can also be more direct.
Try not to think too much but just to follow your intuition.
For example, are you patient or impatient? An introvert or an extrovert? Do you take responsibility for your mistakes? Are you someone who says 'yes' or 'no'? Do you prefer mornings or nights?Try reexamining some of your 'core beliefs' that you've had since childhood.
Immersing yourself in other cultures, philosophies and religious thought can help you make a unique, informed decision about what is authentic for you. , Self-awareness means to listen to yourself.
Think not only about what you say and do in the world, but also what you say to yourself.
How do you talk to yourself? What's going on in your mind? Is a negative diatribe where you lament how you do things and criticize yourself for not being smarter, prettier, nicer, and the like? Or are you generous with yourself and try to focus on the positive and move forward from mistakes? Assessing how you talk to yourself internally will give you a sense of how you truly feel about yourself and your life course because it is that interior world that is your most real self.
Every day set aside a few minutes to sit quietly and listen to your inner voice.
Try taking deep breathes and tapping into your mind and its thoughts.
Alternatively, you could also stand in front of a mirror and "confront" yourself by talking out loud.
Say everything that you think out loud., Although each individual is undeniably unique, psychologists who study personality also belief that there are certain personality types that share characteristics in common.
Knowing which personality type applies to you might help you understand why you think, feel, and act like you do.Though there is no shortage of personality tests online and through social media, the best-known test is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which identifies four psychological scales:
Extroversion-Introversion, Sensing-Intuition, Thinking-Feeling, and Judging-Perceiving.
The test suggests that each person has a preference for one of the two sides of each scale.It's important to note that personality tests, while interesting and useful to some extent, cannot fundamentally tell you who you are.
Keep in mind that some have low statistical validity and reliability.
Moreover, your identity is made up of much more than just four factors on a personality test, after all.
However, such tests may give you some food for thought as you ponder and reflect on the results. , Our feelings and emotions are our spontaneous reactions to our life experiences and can provide useful information and feedback about ourselves and our place in the world.
Not everyone likes tuning into or thinking about their feelings, but it is a useful exercise because it tells you what you like and dislike, what makes you happy, sad, uncomfortable, anxious, and so on.
One thing you can do to try to be more aware of how you feel is to reflect on the physical manifestations of emotions.
For example:
The feeling of butterflies in your stomach might signal nervousness or anxiety.
A heated feeling in your face might indicate embarrassment or anger.
Clenching your teeth or jaw might be a sign that you're upset, frustrated, or angry. , Take a day off and go for a hike by yourself.
Eat at a restaurant alone.
Or, better yet, travel by yourself.
Some people find that some alone time is the best way to learn about themselves.
They learn about what they can and can't do and what they want and don't want and usually emerge from a temporary solitary experiment feeling stronger and more in tune with themselves.
Maybe, for example, you discover that you really enjoy "getting lost" in cities and prefer wandering around as opposed to scheduled tours.Sometimes it can seem in our modern world that to want to be alone is weird and unsettling.
But some alone time can have several benefits; it can help you build your confidence, realize that you don't need the validation of others, learn to value your own opinions (as opposed to those of others) as well as invite opportunities to reflect on recent changes and "rearrange your mental furniture" to adjust to your changing life.
Alone time can also help you home in on what exactly it is you want from life and give you that sense of purpose and direction so many of us crave.
About the Author
Marilyn Tucker
Enthusiastic about teaching DIY projects techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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