How to Be Smooth with the Ladies
Be playful., Stay effortlessly in control of the situation., Keep your reactions low-key., Casually initiate affection, but never be desperate., Don't place any expectations on your social interactions., Be funny.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be playful.
Experts agree: for many women, one of the most attractive traits a man can have is a sense of playfulness.
It's not hard to see why — talking to people who are playful and enjoy the spirited back-and-forth "dance" of a feisty conversation is a lot more fun than talking to people who are earnest but uninteresting.
Keep keep a sense of mischievousness when you talk to women.
Look for opportunities to joke, gently tease her, and deliberately misunderstand the things she says.
If she's in the mood for a little verbal back-and-forth, this can be absolutely irresistible.
For instance, let's say that you're talking to a lady you're attracted to at a party.
If she says that she's in from out of town and that she's going home soon, you might try saying something like "What, you're already sick of us?" with a smile on your face.
When she starts to protest, pretend to get exaggeratedly offended, all while smiling to make you sarcasm clear.
Many women react really well to this sort of gentle, playful teasing (which some call "flirting"). -
Step 2: Stay effortlessly in control of the situation.
There's a good reason why ladies' men are called "smooth operators": these types of people often have dominant personalities and know how to control (or "operate") social situations to their benefit.
The smoothest, suavest players of all know how to lead conversations in the directions they want without even appearing to do so.
This effortlessness is key — someone who insists on dominating a social interaction but is visibly agitated about the ordeal can give truly bizarre mixed signals.
Think about it:
If you were having a conversation with someone who was obviously trying to woo you and was obviously nervously about it, would you be attracted? Doubtful.
Don't bother with "pick up artist" guides that encourage you to use carefully-planned routines of back-handed compliments and psychological tricks to attract women.
Remember, if you're basically reciting from a script when you're talking to a woman, you're not really effortlessly in control of the situation, are you? , We've all seen it on TV and in the movies — the quiet yet dashing bad boy who says almost nothing but seems to get girls without even trying (e.g., "The name's Bond.
James Bond.").
While popular entertainment can sometimes create some unhealthy attitudes towards dating, there is a tiny kernel of truth here.
Being cool and understated can make a man more attractive to women.
Try to react to almost everything that happens around you casually, as if it's completely natural.
Being at ease no matter what happens is a supreme show of confidence, and confidence is almost always sexy.
To be clear, this doesn't mean you need to be tight-lipped about everything.
It does mean, however, that if you see an opportunity to play coy and spark a little intrigue in your conversation, you should take it and see what happens.
For instance, if a lovely lady casually asks where you live, you might respond with, "Oh, why? Were you planning on going there later?" It's a little cheesy, but with a response like this, you're revealing nothing about yourself and getting a playful dig at your female companion in at the same time.
It's especially important to have a low-key reactions to being rejected.
If you're trying to start conversations with lots of different ladies at a party, there's a chance that some (or even all) of them won't be interested in talking to you.
This is OK.
React to each rejection with no more hurt feelings than if you've just been told your shoes are untied. , Let's be honest — if you're trying to "be smooth" with the ladies, you probably eventually want to engage in a little mutual affection with them, whether this is kissing, having sex, or just holding hands (hey, everyone starts somewhere).
This is great — healthy, mutual displays of affection are wonderful things.
Keep this in mind when you're in situations with ladies where you want to initiate affection.
Truly smooth men aren't scared or ashamed of making their intentions known.
However, they're also not needy or desperate.
Not only is desperation tremendously unattractive to most people, but it also demonstrates low self-worth (and smooth guys always have high self-worth).
For example, let's say that you've just wrapped up a great first date with a wonderful lady and you're walking out of the restaurant together.
If you feel a strong attraction and want to hold her hand, casually grab hold of it as you move through a crowd of people as if it's perfectly natural.
Don't make a big production out of the act — do it as if you haven't even thought about the implications.
If she appears ill at ease or loosens her grip, you can easily follow her lead and let go without making the situation awkward, but if she reacts well, hold on tight! Note:
Real smooth guys aren't creeps.
Being casually affectionate is one thing, but harassing women or violating their personal space is another, so keep your hands to yourself or you may be wearing a palm print on your cheek for the next few days. , Genuinely smooth guys enjoy what they do.
They like having playful, intriguing conversations with women.
They don't do this just to get what they want.
Any sort of romance or dating success that comes their way is a happy by-product of them doing what they love, not something that they agonize over and "fight" to get.
When you're talking to a woman you're attracted to, don't have an endgame in sight.
Just say and do what comes naturally.
If your conversation naturally leads you to romance, great.
If it doesn't, that's that — you had fun anyway! This is one reason why you may want to shy away from "pick up artist"-style seduction guides.
These guides are often written with one goal in mind (sex, obviously), and while their routines may or may not work on some small subset of women, they'll never get you the genuine joy that comes from naturally, effortlessly connecting with another human being. , Everyone enjoys a good laugh.
Humor makes everybody feel good, so if you can gain a reputation as a funny person, other people (including ladies) will naturally want to be around you.
Try to look for opportunities to make light of the situation you're in or (gently) poke fun at the people around you.
Most people have the natural ability to be funny when they're relaxed and around people they like, but if you really feel like you're having a hard time being funny, you might want to try researching the topic (our guide to being funny is a good place to start).
Be careful with self-deprecating humor.
While a few exceptional individuals can manage to be sexy while making fun of themselves (like the male leads in Woody Allen movies), it's a risky move for most ordinary people, who may unintentionally make themselves look self-conscious or insecure with this type of approach. -
Step 3: Keep your reactions low-key.
-
Step 4: Casually initiate affection
-
Step 5: but never be desperate.
-
Step 6: Don't place any expectations on your social interactions.
-
Step 7: Be funny.
Detailed Guide
Experts agree: for many women, one of the most attractive traits a man can have is a sense of playfulness.
It's not hard to see why — talking to people who are playful and enjoy the spirited back-and-forth "dance" of a feisty conversation is a lot more fun than talking to people who are earnest but uninteresting.
Keep keep a sense of mischievousness when you talk to women.
Look for opportunities to joke, gently tease her, and deliberately misunderstand the things she says.
If she's in the mood for a little verbal back-and-forth, this can be absolutely irresistible.
For instance, let's say that you're talking to a lady you're attracted to at a party.
If she says that she's in from out of town and that she's going home soon, you might try saying something like "What, you're already sick of us?" with a smile on your face.
When she starts to protest, pretend to get exaggeratedly offended, all while smiling to make you sarcasm clear.
Many women react really well to this sort of gentle, playful teasing (which some call "flirting").
There's a good reason why ladies' men are called "smooth operators": these types of people often have dominant personalities and know how to control (or "operate") social situations to their benefit.
The smoothest, suavest players of all know how to lead conversations in the directions they want without even appearing to do so.
This effortlessness is key — someone who insists on dominating a social interaction but is visibly agitated about the ordeal can give truly bizarre mixed signals.
Think about it:
If you were having a conversation with someone who was obviously trying to woo you and was obviously nervously about it, would you be attracted? Doubtful.
Don't bother with "pick up artist" guides that encourage you to use carefully-planned routines of back-handed compliments and psychological tricks to attract women.
Remember, if you're basically reciting from a script when you're talking to a woman, you're not really effortlessly in control of the situation, are you? , We've all seen it on TV and in the movies — the quiet yet dashing bad boy who says almost nothing but seems to get girls without even trying (e.g., "The name's Bond.
James Bond.").
While popular entertainment can sometimes create some unhealthy attitudes towards dating, there is a tiny kernel of truth here.
Being cool and understated can make a man more attractive to women.
Try to react to almost everything that happens around you casually, as if it's completely natural.
Being at ease no matter what happens is a supreme show of confidence, and confidence is almost always sexy.
To be clear, this doesn't mean you need to be tight-lipped about everything.
It does mean, however, that if you see an opportunity to play coy and spark a little intrigue in your conversation, you should take it and see what happens.
For instance, if a lovely lady casually asks where you live, you might respond with, "Oh, why? Were you planning on going there later?" It's a little cheesy, but with a response like this, you're revealing nothing about yourself and getting a playful dig at your female companion in at the same time.
It's especially important to have a low-key reactions to being rejected.
If you're trying to start conversations with lots of different ladies at a party, there's a chance that some (or even all) of them won't be interested in talking to you.
This is OK.
React to each rejection with no more hurt feelings than if you've just been told your shoes are untied. , Let's be honest — if you're trying to "be smooth" with the ladies, you probably eventually want to engage in a little mutual affection with them, whether this is kissing, having sex, or just holding hands (hey, everyone starts somewhere).
This is great — healthy, mutual displays of affection are wonderful things.
Keep this in mind when you're in situations with ladies where you want to initiate affection.
Truly smooth men aren't scared or ashamed of making their intentions known.
However, they're also not needy or desperate.
Not only is desperation tremendously unattractive to most people, but it also demonstrates low self-worth (and smooth guys always have high self-worth).
For example, let's say that you've just wrapped up a great first date with a wonderful lady and you're walking out of the restaurant together.
If you feel a strong attraction and want to hold her hand, casually grab hold of it as you move through a crowd of people as if it's perfectly natural.
Don't make a big production out of the act — do it as if you haven't even thought about the implications.
If she appears ill at ease or loosens her grip, you can easily follow her lead and let go without making the situation awkward, but if she reacts well, hold on tight! Note:
Real smooth guys aren't creeps.
Being casually affectionate is one thing, but harassing women or violating their personal space is another, so keep your hands to yourself or you may be wearing a palm print on your cheek for the next few days. , Genuinely smooth guys enjoy what they do.
They like having playful, intriguing conversations with women.
They don't do this just to get what they want.
Any sort of romance or dating success that comes their way is a happy by-product of them doing what they love, not something that they agonize over and "fight" to get.
When you're talking to a woman you're attracted to, don't have an endgame in sight.
Just say and do what comes naturally.
If your conversation naturally leads you to romance, great.
If it doesn't, that's that — you had fun anyway! This is one reason why you may want to shy away from "pick up artist"-style seduction guides.
These guides are often written with one goal in mind (sex, obviously), and while their routines may or may not work on some small subset of women, they'll never get you the genuine joy that comes from naturally, effortlessly connecting with another human being. , Everyone enjoys a good laugh.
Humor makes everybody feel good, so if you can gain a reputation as a funny person, other people (including ladies) will naturally want to be around you.
Try to look for opportunities to make light of the situation you're in or (gently) poke fun at the people around you.
Most people have the natural ability to be funny when they're relaxed and around people they like, but if you really feel like you're having a hard time being funny, you might want to try researching the topic (our guide to being funny is a good place to start).
Be careful with self-deprecating humor.
While a few exceptional individuals can manage to be sexy while making fun of themselves (like the male leads in Woody Allen movies), it's a risky move for most ordinary people, who may unintentionally make themselves look self-conscious or insecure with this type of approach.
About the Author
Thomas Howard
Writer and educator with a focus on practical DIY projects knowledge.
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