How to Be Sympathetic
Give the other person a chance to talk about his/her emotions., Use body language to express sympathy., Listen first, offer comments later., Use appropriate physical contact., Offer to help out with everyday work., Refer to a shared religion.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give the other person a chance to talk about his/her emotions.
Offer to listen to him/her talk about how s/he's feeling, or how s/he's trying to cope with his/her problems.
You don't need to have solutions at hand.
Sometimes a sympathetic ear can be a great help on its own. -
Step 2: Use body language to express sympathy.
Even while listening, you can show that you are paying attention and sympathizing with your body language.
Make eye contact, and nod in understanding occasionally.
Keep your body turned toward the person instead of to one side.Don't try to multitask, and avoid distractions during the conversation.
Turn off your phone if you can, to avoid interruption.Keep your body open by leaving your arms and legs uncrossed.
If your hands are visible, keep them relaxed and facing slightly sideways.This will help communicate that you are engaged in listening to the other person.
Lean toward the person.
Leaning in toward the other person may make him or her feel more comfortable talking to you.
Nod as the person is talking.
Nodding and other encouraging gestures help people feel more comfortable talking.
Mirror the other person's body language.
This isn't to say that you have to directly copy everything s/he does, but keeping your body in a similar posture to his or hers (for example, facing him/her if s/he is facing you, keeping your legs pointed in the same direction as his/hers) will help create a supportive atmosphere with your body language. , In many cases, the other person needs you to listen as s/he explores his/her feelings and thoughts.
This is being supportive, even if it does not feel particularly active or helping to you.Often, if you offer advice before it is asked, you risk making the other person think you are making his/her experience about you."No-solution listening," according to author Michael Rooni, allows you to provide other people with a safe space to vent and work through their feelings.
They do not feel pressure to take your advice, nor feel like you are "taking over" their problem or situation.
If in doubt, ask: "I want to support you however you need me to.
Do you want me to help you problem-solve, or do you just need a space to vent? Either way, I'm here for you."If you went through similar experiences, you may be able to help with practical advice or methods of coping.
Frame your advice as your personal experience, not a command.
For example: "I'm so sorry you broke your leg.
I remember how much it sucked when I broke my ankle a few years ago.
Would it be helpful if I shared what I did to cope?" Make sure not to come across as dictating a certain course of action.
If you do have advice and the person is interested in hearing it, phrase it as a probing question, such as "Have you considered ___?" or "Do you think it would help if you _____?" These types of questions acknowledge the other person's agency in making his or her own decisions and sound less bossy than "If I were you, I'd do ______."
Physical contact can be comforting, but only if it is appropriate in the context of your relationship.
If you are used to hugging the person who needs sympathy, do so.
If either of you are not comfortable with that, briefly touch his/her arm or shoulder instead.Be aware that some people may feel too emotionally vulnerable or raw to enjoy a hug at that moment, even if hugging is commonly part of your interactions.
Take note of the other person's body language and judge whether s/he seems open.
You can also ask, "Would a hug make you feel better?"
Someone going through a hard time in her life will likely appreciate some assistance in day-to-day tasks.
Even if s/he seems to be handling these tasks well, the gesture demonstrates that you are there to help.
Offer to drop off a home-cooked or restaurant take-out meal.
Ask if you can help by picking the kids up from school, watering his/her garden, or assisting him/her in some other way.Mention a specific date and time in your offer, rather than asking someone when s/he's available.
This gives him/her one less thing to decide or think about during a stressful time.
Ask before offering food.
Particularly in certain cultures or after funerals, the person may be overwhelmed with pies and casseroles.
Something else could be more helpful. , If you both belong to the same religion or share similar spiritual views, use that to bond with the person.
Offer to pray for him/her or attend a religious ceremony with him/her.
Do not reference your religious views when expressing sympathy to someone who does not share them. -
Step 3: Listen first
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Step 4: offer comments later.
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Step 5: Use appropriate physical contact.
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Step 6: Offer to help out with everyday work.
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Step 7: Refer to a shared religion.
Detailed Guide
Offer to listen to him/her talk about how s/he's feeling, or how s/he's trying to cope with his/her problems.
You don't need to have solutions at hand.
Sometimes a sympathetic ear can be a great help on its own.
Even while listening, you can show that you are paying attention and sympathizing with your body language.
Make eye contact, and nod in understanding occasionally.
Keep your body turned toward the person instead of to one side.Don't try to multitask, and avoid distractions during the conversation.
Turn off your phone if you can, to avoid interruption.Keep your body open by leaving your arms and legs uncrossed.
If your hands are visible, keep them relaxed and facing slightly sideways.This will help communicate that you are engaged in listening to the other person.
Lean toward the person.
Leaning in toward the other person may make him or her feel more comfortable talking to you.
Nod as the person is talking.
Nodding and other encouraging gestures help people feel more comfortable talking.
Mirror the other person's body language.
This isn't to say that you have to directly copy everything s/he does, but keeping your body in a similar posture to his or hers (for example, facing him/her if s/he is facing you, keeping your legs pointed in the same direction as his/hers) will help create a supportive atmosphere with your body language. , In many cases, the other person needs you to listen as s/he explores his/her feelings and thoughts.
This is being supportive, even if it does not feel particularly active or helping to you.Often, if you offer advice before it is asked, you risk making the other person think you are making his/her experience about you."No-solution listening," according to author Michael Rooni, allows you to provide other people with a safe space to vent and work through their feelings.
They do not feel pressure to take your advice, nor feel like you are "taking over" their problem or situation.
If in doubt, ask: "I want to support you however you need me to.
Do you want me to help you problem-solve, or do you just need a space to vent? Either way, I'm here for you."If you went through similar experiences, you may be able to help with practical advice or methods of coping.
Frame your advice as your personal experience, not a command.
For example: "I'm so sorry you broke your leg.
I remember how much it sucked when I broke my ankle a few years ago.
Would it be helpful if I shared what I did to cope?" Make sure not to come across as dictating a certain course of action.
If you do have advice and the person is interested in hearing it, phrase it as a probing question, such as "Have you considered ___?" or "Do you think it would help if you _____?" These types of questions acknowledge the other person's agency in making his or her own decisions and sound less bossy than "If I were you, I'd do ______."
Physical contact can be comforting, but only if it is appropriate in the context of your relationship.
If you are used to hugging the person who needs sympathy, do so.
If either of you are not comfortable with that, briefly touch his/her arm or shoulder instead.Be aware that some people may feel too emotionally vulnerable or raw to enjoy a hug at that moment, even if hugging is commonly part of your interactions.
Take note of the other person's body language and judge whether s/he seems open.
You can also ask, "Would a hug make you feel better?"
Someone going through a hard time in her life will likely appreciate some assistance in day-to-day tasks.
Even if s/he seems to be handling these tasks well, the gesture demonstrates that you are there to help.
Offer to drop off a home-cooked or restaurant take-out meal.
Ask if you can help by picking the kids up from school, watering his/her garden, or assisting him/her in some other way.Mention a specific date and time in your offer, rather than asking someone when s/he's available.
This gives him/her one less thing to decide or think about during a stressful time.
Ask before offering food.
Particularly in certain cultures or after funerals, the person may be overwhelmed with pies and casseroles.
Something else could be more helpful. , If you both belong to the same religion or share similar spiritual views, use that to bond with the person.
Offer to pray for him/her or attend a religious ceremony with him/her.
Do not reference your religious views when expressing sympathy to someone who does not share them.
About the Author
Aaron Freeman
Creates helpful guides on hobbies to inspire and educate readers.
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