How to Become a Stronger Woman
Define “woman” for yourself., Define your values., Ask yourself some reflective questions., Look for common patterns in the lists you’ve just made., Ask yourself whether your choices are consistent with these values., Decide how you want to balance...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Define “woman” for yourself.
Despite the popular myths to the contrary, there aren’t that many “innate” differences between men and women.
Male and female brains, for example, are virtually identical.While social and cultural pressures often have rigid standards for what “counts” as feminine, part of becoming a stronger woman is deciding just what “woman” means for your life.
Reject standards and ideas that do not fit with who you want to be.
Societies may have particularly rigid or oppressive standards for marginalized groups, such as women of color, religious minorities, or trans women.
It can be difficult to balance developing your identity as the woman you want to be with maintaining personal safety.
You have to decide for yourself what you feel comfortable with, and what is safe for you at a particular moment.
Even some women can be unfortunately limiting when it comes to what they think “counts” as appropriate for women.
Some people may try to say that you cannot be a feminist woman and a stay-at-home parent, while others may argue that having a career is incompatible with “true” womanhood.
Remember that whatever you choose, whether it’s being a nurse or being a bodybuilder, is womanly, because you’re a woman.
Be aware that behavior that goes against accepted norms may meet with resistance.
For example, women who wear clothing that is coded as “sexy,” such as short skirts and stiletto heels, may be perceived negatively, especially in the workplace.
Women who wear clothes that are coded as “modest,” such as longer skirts and flats, are often perceived more positively at work.It can be difficult to navigate between what society accepts and what you want for yourself.
Learning how to manage this balance is part of becoming a stronger woman. -
Step 2: Define your values.
Everyone has a set of “core” values.
These values are your beliefs, ideas, and what you consider to be the most important things in life.
Values guide the choices you make in life.
Spending a little time reflecting on your personality and life will help you identify your values.“Value congruence” is when the choices you make and the life you lead are aligned with your values.Several studies suggest that when you are making choices and setting goals that are personally meaningful, you will feel better and be more successful at following through., To help you figure out your values, spend some time in reflection.
The questions and prompts below can be helpful in defining what you value.Think about a few times when you were really happy.
What were you doing? Who were you with? What was the situation like? Write these down.
Think about a few times when you felt really proud of yourself.
Why were you proud? Who shared that feeling with you? What contributed to this situation? Write these down.
Think about some times when you felt fulfilled, satisfied, or content.
What do you think led to that feeling? What need was being satisfied? What was meaningful about it? Write these down.
If your house was on fire, what three things would you save? (Assume people and pets are safe.) Why?If you could change one thing about your community/neighborhood/workplace/world, what would it be? Why? What do you feel passionate about? , Once you’ve compiled your responses to the prompts, think about what stands out in your answers.
What appears to make you happy? What isn’t as satisfying as you thought? For example, perhaps you chose to save your family photo albums in the hypothetical house fire, and discovered that you were with friends or family during most of the times you remember being really happy.
That suggests that social values, such as Community, Friendship and Family-orientedness, may be very strong for you.Similarly, perhaps you remember being proud of yourself when you had achieved a goal or made an accomplishment.
Maybe a status or skill makes you satisfied.
These things suggest that values such as Competitiveness, Achievement, and Excellence may be important to you.
Remember that your values are yours, and they need not comply with anyone else’s standards.
They are not “right” or “wrong.” A list of possible values can be found at the Mind Tools page, “What Are Your Values?”, Just because we have core values doesn’t mean we always act in accordance with them.
There are many reasons why we might make choices that aren’t value-congruent.
Because women are subjected to many social and cultural pressures, it can be difficult to choose options that do not conform to traditional expectations.
There is a very strong sense of “should” for many women.
Even worse, many of these “shoulds” are completely contradictory, such as the common social pressure to look sexually attractive but remain “modest”.Accepting these “shoulds” can encourage you to make choices that aren’t in line with what you really value.Think about a time when you made a difficult choice.
For example, perhaps you decided to leave your baby with a daycare provider so that you could return to work.
Was this because you felt pressured by others to return? This is an example of “shoulding.” Was it because you find personal fulfillment at work that you missed? This could be an example of a value-congruent choice.
Sometimes, necessity can mean you have to make choices that aren’t ideal.
Try to make as many choices in your life that are value-congruent as possible.
That will make the compromises you must make easier to deal with. , In the United States, more than 7 out of 10 mothers with children work, and more than one half of all married couples have both partners working.
These numbers mean that at some point, you will probably have to determine how you want to balance your family life with your career.Unfortunately, American society still has a strong stigma against mothers who work outside the home, with only 21% of Americans seeing it as positive.
Recognize that the “woman who has it all” is a myth.
Determining your core values will help you decide what to prioritize, because you will sometimes have to prioritize one thing over another.
Choose what will best satisfy your values., Many women play multiple roles in their lives: daughter, sister, partner, mother, etc.
These roles are often socially prescriptive, and society can encourage women to define their identities solely in terms of their relationships to others:
I’m my husband’s wife, my child’s mother, my mother’s daughter, my brother’s sister, etc.Because many cultures teach women to understand themselves relationally, through their connections with others, many women struggle with finding an identity separate from their families.In addition to your relationships with others, consider what other roles you play.
Are you a musician, a chef, a lover of comic books? Perhaps you are a skydiver or surfer or chess-player.
Thinking about what roles you play in addition to those that connect you to others can give you a deeper sense of yourself.
Women who do not follow the traditional route of marriage and motherhood are also often stigmatized.
Women without children may experience pressure to have them, or intense questioning about why they do not.Determining what you value will help you deal with these social and cultural pressures. -
Step 3: Ask yourself some reflective questions.
-
Step 4: Look for common patterns in the lists you’ve just made.
-
Step 5: Ask yourself whether your choices are consistent with these values.
-
Step 6: Decide how you want to balance career and family life.
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Step 7: Consider your many roles.
Detailed Guide
Despite the popular myths to the contrary, there aren’t that many “innate” differences between men and women.
Male and female brains, for example, are virtually identical.While social and cultural pressures often have rigid standards for what “counts” as feminine, part of becoming a stronger woman is deciding just what “woman” means for your life.
Reject standards and ideas that do not fit with who you want to be.
Societies may have particularly rigid or oppressive standards for marginalized groups, such as women of color, religious minorities, or trans women.
It can be difficult to balance developing your identity as the woman you want to be with maintaining personal safety.
You have to decide for yourself what you feel comfortable with, and what is safe for you at a particular moment.
Even some women can be unfortunately limiting when it comes to what they think “counts” as appropriate for women.
Some people may try to say that you cannot be a feminist woman and a stay-at-home parent, while others may argue that having a career is incompatible with “true” womanhood.
Remember that whatever you choose, whether it’s being a nurse or being a bodybuilder, is womanly, because you’re a woman.
Be aware that behavior that goes against accepted norms may meet with resistance.
For example, women who wear clothing that is coded as “sexy,” such as short skirts and stiletto heels, may be perceived negatively, especially in the workplace.
Women who wear clothes that are coded as “modest,” such as longer skirts and flats, are often perceived more positively at work.It can be difficult to navigate between what society accepts and what you want for yourself.
Learning how to manage this balance is part of becoming a stronger woman.
Everyone has a set of “core” values.
These values are your beliefs, ideas, and what you consider to be the most important things in life.
Values guide the choices you make in life.
Spending a little time reflecting on your personality and life will help you identify your values.“Value congruence” is when the choices you make and the life you lead are aligned with your values.Several studies suggest that when you are making choices and setting goals that are personally meaningful, you will feel better and be more successful at following through., To help you figure out your values, spend some time in reflection.
The questions and prompts below can be helpful in defining what you value.Think about a few times when you were really happy.
What were you doing? Who were you with? What was the situation like? Write these down.
Think about a few times when you felt really proud of yourself.
Why were you proud? Who shared that feeling with you? What contributed to this situation? Write these down.
Think about some times when you felt fulfilled, satisfied, or content.
What do you think led to that feeling? What need was being satisfied? What was meaningful about it? Write these down.
If your house was on fire, what three things would you save? (Assume people and pets are safe.) Why?If you could change one thing about your community/neighborhood/workplace/world, what would it be? Why? What do you feel passionate about? , Once you’ve compiled your responses to the prompts, think about what stands out in your answers.
What appears to make you happy? What isn’t as satisfying as you thought? For example, perhaps you chose to save your family photo albums in the hypothetical house fire, and discovered that you were with friends or family during most of the times you remember being really happy.
That suggests that social values, such as Community, Friendship and Family-orientedness, may be very strong for you.Similarly, perhaps you remember being proud of yourself when you had achieved a goal or made an accomplishment.
Maybe a status or skill makes you satisfied.
These things suggest that values such as Competitiveness, Achievement, and Excellence may be important to you.
Remember that your values are yours, and they need not comply with anyone else’s standards.
They are not “right” or “wrong.” A list of possible values can be found at the Mind Tools page, “What Are Your Values?”, Just because we have core values doesn’t mean we always act in accordance with them.
There are many reasons why we might make choices that aren’t value-congruent.
Because women are subjected to many social and cultural pressures, it can be difficult to choose options that do not conform to traditional expectations.
There is a very strong sense of “should” for many women.
Even worse, many of these “shoulds” are completely contradictory, such as the common social pressure to look sexually attractive but remain “modest”.Accepting these “shoulds” can encourage you to make choices that aren’t in line with what you really value.Think about a time when you made a difficult choice.
For example, perhaps you decided to leave your baby with a daycare provider so that you could return to work.
Was this because you felt pressured by others to return? This is an example of “shoulding.” Was it because you find personal fulfillment at work that you missed? This could be an example of a value-congruent choice.
Sometimes, necessity can mean you have to make choices that aren’t ideal.
Try to make as many choices in your life that are value-congruent as possible.
That will make the compromises you must make easier to deal with. , In the United States, more than 7 out of 10 mothers with children work, and more than one half of all married couples have both partners working.
These numbers mean that at some point, you will probably have to determine how you want to balance your family life with your career.Unfortunately, American society still has a strong stigma against mothers who work outside the home, with only 21% of Americans seeing it as positive.
Recognize that the “woman who has it all” is a myth.
Determining your core values will help you decide what to prioritize, because you will sometimes have to prioritize one thing over another.
Choose what will best satisfy your values., Many women play multiple roles in their lives: daughter, sister, partner, mother, etc.
These roles are often socially prescriptive, and society can encourage women to define their identities solely in terms of their relationships to others:
I’m my husband’s wife, my child’s mother, my mother’s daughter, my brother’s sister, etc.Because many cultures teach women to understand themselves relationally, through their connections with others, many women struggle with finding an identity separate from their families.In addition to your relationships with others, consider what other roles you play.
Are you a musician, a chef, a lover of comic books? Perhaps you are a skydiver or surfer or chess-player.
Thinking about what roles you play in addition to those that connect you to others can give you a deeper sense of yourself.
Women who do not follow the traditional route of marriage and motherhood are also often stigmatized.
Women without children may experience pressure to have them, or intense questioning about why they do not.Determining what you value will help you deal with these social and cultural pressures.
About the Author
Tyler Garcia
Tyler Garcia has dedicated 6 years to mastering sports and recreation. As a content creator, Tyler focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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