How to Become Stronger Emotionally

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Stop what you’re doing and re-focus.

   In the heat of an emotional moment, it can be easy to get swept up by what you’re feeling.
   
   If the emotion is positive, it can feel great, but if it is a feeling of sadness or anxiety, it can quickly spiral out of control.
   
   Take a break from whatever is going on and focus on your body’s five senses.
   
   This will help remind you of the present, and can help anxiety or anger from storming out of control.Try taking stock of your body’s reactions, but don’t judge them.
   
   For example, if you’re feeling anxious all of a sudden, think about what your body is feeling. “My skin feels hot.
   
   My heart is beating really fast.
   
   I am breathing shallowly.
   
   My hands feel shaky.” Don’t focus on these feelings.
   
   Just notice them and then let them pass.Refocusing on your present moment may also help you reduce “automatic reactivity.” Your brain forms habits of reacting to stimuli, including emotional experiences.
   
   The brain instantly activates these patterns whenever that stimulus, such as anxiety or anger, occurs.
   
   Shifting your focus back to your present sensory experience breaks that circuit in your brain.
   
   If you practice this shifting consistently, it will become a new “habit” for your brain.“Self-observation,” the practice of paying attention to your own mind’s awareness and experience, can help you tease out the multiple things that may be happening within a single experience.
   
   For example, many people are unaware that “awareness” actually consists of many information paths.
   
   Often, we experience an emotional reaction as a jumble of feelings and sensory experiences that can feel overwhelming.
   
   Slowing down and refocusing on some experience in the present, such as what you’re seeing, hearing, and smelling, can help you restructure your brain’s old habits and learn to see these different “information streams.”
2. 2

   Step 2: Breathe.

   When your body experiences an intense emotion, it can react with a “stress response.” This “fight or flight” feeling happens when your sympathetic nervous system is activated by hormones like adrenaline.
   
   Your heart rate skyrockets, your breathing gets faster and shallower, and your muscles feel tight and tense.Breathing deeply can help relax you and help you return to “normal.”Breathe from your abdomen, not your chest.
   
   You should feel the lower part of your belly expand when you inhale and fall as you exhale.To help you, place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
   
   Stand upright, lie flat, or sit straight to keep your chest open.
   
   Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose.
   
   Feel your lungs and abdomen expand as you breathe in.
   
   Then, exhale through your nose or mouth.
   
   Aim for 6-10 deep breaths per minute.Focus on taking slow, deep breaths.
   
   This will provide oxygen to your body (and help distract you from your current emotional state)., It may seem cheesy at first, but research has showed that the act of smiling can actually make you feel more positive.Smiling can also decrease stress.
   
   Try to smile using all your facial muscles, not just the ones around your mouth.
   
   Smiles that spread across your face and up to your eyes feel more natural, which increases your body’s feeling of positivity., Visualizing a calming, relaxing experience can help you regain control over your emotional responses.You may find that this technique takes a little practice, but it can help you transform stressing thoughts into thoughts you feel more comfortable handling.Begin by choosing your “safe place.” This can be any place you can imagine that you find relaxing and peaceful.
   
   It could be a beach, a spa, a mountaintop, or any place you think will help you feel safe and relaxed.
   
   Find a place to practice visualization.
   
   If you can, find a quiet, comfortable place to use your visualization.
   
   It should be a place where you will not be interrupted for a few minutes.
   
   Close your eyes and imagine yourself in your safe place.
   
   Imagine what it looks like.
   
   What is going on there? What does it smell like? What sounds do you hear? Try to immerse yourself in your safe place.
   
   Breathe slowly and evenly.
   
   Try to relax muscles if you feel they’re tense.
   
   If you feel awkward or anxious, don’t judge yourself for that.
   
   Just try to imagine yourself in your calming place and what it feels like to relax.
   
   Imagine your negative emotion as a physical object.
   
   You may feel strange trying this at first, but keep with it.
   
   Imagine that negative feeling as something that you can remove from your visualized safe place.
   
   For example, you might imagine that your anger is a flame.
   
   Flames can’t burn without oxygen.
   
   Imagine that anger as a flame and watch it as it sputters out.
   
   Or, you could imagine a feeling of stress as a stick.
   
   You can throw that stick far away from your safe beach and imagine that stress leaving you as it goes. , When you get stressed out, you may find that don’t have as much control over your emotions.
   
   While it is nearly impossible to cut all stressful things from your life, you can learn how to deal with the stress that those things create.
   
   Some ways to calm yourself in really stressful situations include:
   Taking five deep breaths.
   
   Breathe in through your nose, hold the air in your body for a moment, and then out through your mouth.
   
   Focusing on your breath will help you gather yourself and calm your nerves.
   
   Counting to
   10.
   
   If something stressful happens, give yourself 10 seconds to gather yourself.
   
   To extend the length of time, count ‘one Mississippi, two Mississippi, 3….etc.’ Walking away from the situation.
   
   Doing this does not mean you will not handle the situation--it simply allows you to get away, breathe, and consider the options.
   
   If you are dealing with a person who is stressing you out, tell him or her that you need a moment to collect your thoughts and that you are going for a walk. , In the moment, it can be easy to get caught up in habitual ways of responding to an emotion, even when they’re unhealthy.
   
   These responses often work together to leave you feeling loaded down by your feelings.
   
   Learning to recognize some common “traps” that you might fall into can help you become more emotionally resilient.
   
   Catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, and all-or-nothing thinking are three common distortions., This happens when an event or experience
   -- usually insignificant
   -- gets blown out of proportion.
   
   Your thoughts begin to spiral out of control until you end up at the absolute worst-case scenario.
   
   This can lead you to feeling angry, sad, or anxious.For example, imagine that you call your romantic partner and s/he doesn’t answer the phone.
   
   You call back in a few minutes and get voicemail again.
   
   A catastrophizing thought might start snowballing: “S/he isn’t answering the phone.
   
   S/he’s probably mad at me.
   
   I don’t even know what I did wrong.
   
   S/he isn’t telling me what I did wrong.
   
   S/he doesn’t want to talk to me.
   
   Maybe s/he is bored with me.” Challenge catastrophizing thoughts by not letting your mind jump from one thought to the next until you’ve examined the evidence for your assumption.
   
   For example, in this example, a good challenge could look like this: “My partner isn’t answering the phone.
   
   S/he wasn’t mad at me earlier today, so s/he probably isn’t mad at me now.
   
   If s/he is, I can ask her/him about it later and talk things through.” You could also remind yourself that people have many logical reasons for not answering the phone at any particular moment: being occupied, driving, not seeing/hearing the phone, etc., Overgeneralizing happens when you make a general statement about a specific situation.
   
   This can lead you to holding unhealthy (and inaccurate) beliefs about yourself.For example, imagine that you are not offered a job after having an interview.
   
   A generalizing view of this could be something like, “I’m such a loser.
   
   I really screwed up that interview.
   
   I’m never going to get a job.” Challenge overgeneralizing thoughts by sticking to the evidence and specifics.
   
   You have no evidence to suggest you’re a “loser.” The usual reasons for not getting a job are that your skills aren’t the right match for the company, or your personality might not mesh with others there.
   
   Maybe you did botch the interview, maybe you didn’t.
   
   This specific incident, however, does not apply to every facet of you as a person.
   
   Think about the situation as specifically as possible, and focus on what you can do to change the specifics in the future: “I don’t think I did a great job at that interview.
   
   I was really nervous.
   
   Next time, I will practice with a friend before I go in for an interview.”, With all-or-nothing thinking, you don’t allow yourself (or, sometimes, anyone else) to land in the middle.
   
   If things are not perfect, they’re a failure.
   
   All-or-nothing thinking can make useful critique hard to handle.
   
   It can also lead you to feel sad or worthless about yourself because you’re holding yourself to an impossible, unproductive standard.For example, consider that you are on a diet.
   
   You go out for lunch with a friend, and you end up having a piece of cake for dessert.
   
   An all-or-nothing response would see this as a failure, and could lead to harsh judgments of yourself: “I totally blew my diet with this cake.
   
   I knew I couldn’t handle this new plan.
   
   I guess I should just eat anything I want.” Challenge all-or-nothing thinking by treating yourself compassionately.
   
   Would you harshly judge a friend for eating a slice of cake? Unlikely.
   
   So why would you do that to yourself? Avoid looking success as either/or, where everything has to go perfectly to achieve success.
   
   Try looking at success as and, an ongoing process of growth and change: “I ate that piece of cake, which won’t help me with my diet goals, and this isn’t a catastrophe.
   
   I’ll eat a healthy dinner to get myself back on track.”
3. 3

   Step 3: Smile.

4. 4

   Step 4: Use visualization.

5. 5

   Step 5: Learn how to manage stress.

6. 6

   Step 6: Learn to recognize cognitive distortions.

7. 7

   Step 7: Recognize and challenge Catastrophizing.

8. 8

   Step 8: Recognize and challenge Overgeneralization.

9. 9

   Step 9: Recognize and challenge All-or-nothing thinking.

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