How to Calm Self Harming Thoughts
Use realistic positive thinking., Change your thoughts., Be gentle on yourself., Create distance., Be mindful.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Use realistic positive thinking.
Always try to pinpoint the source of thoughts that worry you.
Work through these thoughts by asking yourself the following:
What is bothering me? How does this make me feel? What happened the last time I felt this way? What can I do to stop feeling this way right now? For example, say you are distressed about your parents fighting.
You might start by identifying that this is in fact causing you distress.
Ask yourself how it makes you feel.
Does it make you feel scared for the future of your family? Ask yourself what happened last time your parents fought: did they make up and get along for a time afterwards? Think back on some positive family interactions that occurred after the last time your parents fought.
Because the mind is more sensitive to negative than to positive information, it is important to make that much more of an effort to use positive thinking. -
Step 2: Change your thoughts.
Do your best to think about something hilarious or something that generally makes you really happy.
You can also try thinking about what is making you distressed in a different light.
For example, try thinking about a really funny internet cat meme or something sweet that your partner did for you.
To think differently about what is making you distressed, consider this example.
Say you are distressed because you failed a test.
Try instead thinking about your bad grade as a challenge that you can surmount on the next exam by studying harder.
Another way to try to change your thoughts is to engage in self-compassion.
To do this, try engaging in compassion-focused attention.
This means to deliberately pay attention to your experiences as they unfold in the moment; do not judge your experiences but instead do your best to think about them with gentleness, empathy, and kindness.You can also try engaging in mindful breathing.
To breath mindfully is to direct your attention to the sensations involved in your breathing, and to re-direct your attention to your breathing when your mind begins to wander to other thoughts or feelings..
Although these methods can be attempted on your own, you may see the best results by working together with a therapist.
Try engaging in compassion-focused imagery.
Think about what your ideal image of compassion looks like.
Your image should bring to mind kindness and warmth.
Is it someone caring for a cute animal or baby? Is it a scene in nature? Once you have picked your image of compassion, visualize it.
Imagine the compassion it generates flowing through others and through yourself., There are no such things as mistakes, there are only lessons.
Every time you reason that you have failed, look again for the lessons.
This isn't an exercise in being Pollyanna-ish or unrealistically optimistic; it's about identifying the things that you can gain from the experience rather than going over what went wrong.
For example, if you fail a test, this can teach you that you might need to ask for tutoring or teacher help; it might mean that you didn't study in an organized fashion and need to implement such a system going forward. , If you are feeling overwhelmed by your feelings and like you are about to harm yourself as a way to cope, try creating some distance between yourself and your thoughts.To gain distance, try imagining yourself as an outsider who is viewing the situation that is making you sad.
In addition, try thinking about yourself in the third person (i.e., she shouldn't harm herself because it won't really address the root of the problem)., If you are distressed about something that is not relevant to the present moment (i.e., something that happened in the past or will happen in the future), try focusing on just the present moment.
Pay full attention to all of your bodily sensations, all the different kinds of information coming in through each of your senses, and all of your thoughts about those perceptions and sensations. -
Step 3: Be gentle on yourself.
-
Step 4: Create distance.
-
Step 5: Be mindful.
Detailed Guide
Always try to pinpoint the source of thoughts that worry you.
Work through these thoughts by asking yourself the following:
What is bothering me? How does this make me feel? What happened the last time I felt this way? What can I do to stop feeling this way right now? For example, say you are distressed about your parents fighting.
You might start by identifying that this is in fact causing you distress.
Ask yourself how it makes you feel.
Does it make you feel scared for the future of your family? Ask yourself what happened last time your parents fought: did they make up and get along for a time afterwards? Think back on some positive family interactions that occurred after the last time your parents fought.
Because the mind is more sensitive to negative than to positive information, it is important to make that much more of an effort to use positive thinking.
Do your best to think about something hilarious or something that generally makes you really happy.
You can also try thinking about what is making you distressed in a different light.
For example, try thinking about a really funny internet cat meme or something sweet that your partner did for you.
To think differently about what is making you distressed, consider this example.
Say you are distressed because you failed a test.
Try instead thinking about your bad grade as a challenge that you can surmount on the next exam by studying harder.
Another way to try to change your thoughts is to engage in self-compassion.
To do this, try engaging in compassion-focused attention.
This means to deliberately pay attention to your experiences as they unfold in the moment; do not judge your experiences but instead do your best to think about them with gentleness, empathy, and kindness.You can also try engaging in mindful breathing.
To breath mindfully is to direct your attention to the sensations involved in your breathing, and to re-direct your attention to your breathing when your mind begins to wander to other thoughts or feelings..
Although these methods can be attempted on your own, you may see the best results by working together with a therapist.
Try engaging in compassion-focused imagery.
Think about what your ideal image of compassion looks like.
Your image should bring to mind kindness and warmth.
Is it someone caring for a cute animal or baby? Is it a scene in nature? Once you have picked your image of compassion, visualize it.
Imagine the compassion it generates flowing through others and through yourself., There are no such things as mistakes, there are only lessons.
Every time you reason that you have failed, look again for the lessons.
This isn't an exercise in being Pollyanna-ish or unrealistically optimistic; it's about identifying the things that you can gain from the experience rather than going over what went wrong.
For example, if you fail a test, this can teach you that you might need to ask for tutoring or teacher help; it might mean that you didn't study in an organized fashion and need to implement such a system going forward. , If you are feeling overwhelmed by your feelings and like you are about to harm yourself as a way to cope, try creating some distance between yourself and your thoughts.To gain distance, try imagining yourself as an outsider who is viewing the situation that is making you sad.
In addition, try thinking about yourself in the third person (i.e., she shouldn't harm herself because it won't really address the root of the problem)., If you are distressed about something that is not relevant to the present moment (i.e., something that happened in the past or will happen in the future), try focusing on just the present moment.
Pay full attention to all of your bodily sensations, all the different kinds of information coming in through each of your senses, and all of your thoughts about those perceptions and sensations.
About the Author
Peter Thomas
Brings years of experience writing about creative arts and related subjects.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: