How to Change Your Life for the Better
Embrace your internal locus of control., Determine where your current locus of control is., Know why you need to change., Start a journal of change., Re-frame your thoughts., Change negatives to positives in your life., Acknowledge your courage...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Embrace your internal locus of control.
The internal locus of control is a fancy way of saying how you view yourself in relation to events in your life and your attitude towards situations that happen to you.A strong internal locus of control means that you take responsibility for things in your life, and you have a hardy sense of being able to manage problems or difficulties that may come your way.
To begin changing your life for the better, beef up your internal locus of control.
In contrast, if you have an external locus of control, you feel as though things just happen to you, you are a victim of your circumstances, and you don’t feel as though you have much agency in your life to deal with challenging events.
An easy example is to imagine you have been in a car accident, no one is hurt, and you and the other driver are both at fault If you are oriented in having an internal locus of control, you will accept the situation, have confidence you will be able to deal with the consequences, and feel that, even though this is a challenging situation, you will be able to handle it.
If your locus of control is external, your thoughts may be a long the lines of, “Why does this always happen to me? Nothing ever goes my way.
I always mess everything up.
The world is out to get me, no matter what I do.” -
Step 2: Determine where your current locus of control is.
There is an easy true and false test available online that you can take and score in about ten minutes that can tell you where your locus of control is.Take the test and figure out your score.
This will let you know where you are so you can start to understand your approach to life.
Understanding what your beliefs are and your ability to handle adversity will help illuminate where to begin changing your attitudes towards life in a more positive, empowered way. , Feeling like you have no control over yourself or your life can lead to feelings of stagnation, depression, helplessness, and hopelessness.
How can you change your life for the better if you feel so stuck in this way? Are you living your life or are you letting life live you? Most people tend to take on negative thoughts about themselves when life doesn’t work out the way they imagined.
It’s a normal reaction, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change it., Now that you know where your locus of control is and why you need to shift it, you can start to move toward a more internal, empowered approach to life.
Write down recent examples of times in your life that made you feel angry or disappointed, such as tests at school, performance at work, your self esteem in relationships, or your general success and ability to deal with life in the face of adversity.
Write down all of the examples you can think of that cause you to feel worry, anxiety, anger, or guilt.
Next to these events, write what your natural reaction to these things would be.
Write down as may examples as you can think of, real or imagined, and your honest thoughts and reactions when life doesn’t go your way.
For example, people often stress about school and work performance.
For example, write down, "If I fail this test, I am a loser and I am stupid.
The test was probably unfair and I don’t have enough time to study.
I can’t do this." These are all statements that relieve you of any responsibility of the actual outcome of the test.This will help you access your feelings and start to change them. , Start to create the shift to a more empowered view of life with your journal.
The power of your words will help you clearly see the choice you have in how you view your life.
Becoming aware of that choice and internalizing the power you have to put your life in your perspective on your terms will help you begin to change your life for the better.
Using your listed feelings in your journal, begin to re-frame your reactions from the perspective of choice, empowerment, and positive esteem.
Own your choices, own your time, own your consequences, and be realistic about your role as a person in the events that happen in your life.
For example, you could write about a test, “I didn't study as much as I could because I went to the movies, and that’s okay.
I didn’t do as well as I wanted to, but next time I will do better.
I know that I could have done better because I am capable of better study habits and time management.
I’m only human, and sometimes I make mistakes.
There will be more tests, it’s not the end of the world.
I can talk to the professor to see if there is anything else I can do to help my grade.” , Begin to take this new perspective of choice and empowerment into the real world.
Changing your life for the better starts with your attitudes about yourself and your life.
Listen to how you talk to yourself when you feel disappointed and upset.
Use your journal to write down the negative things that immediately pop into your brain throughout the day.
Set an alarm on your phone so that the message “Talk positively to yourself today” pops up every hour.
Make small posters that you can place by your bed, your office walls, or inside your notebooks that say "Only positive self talk." Take responsibility for how you treat yourself and how you talk to yourself.
Feeling like you deserve to change your life for the better will create positive change in your life.
For example, you dropped a plate and broke it.
Instead of thinking, "I am such a clumsy idiot!"
start to change the toxic patterns and write down positive re-framing thoughts in your journal.
You aren’t a clumsy idiot, you are a person who sometimes drops plates.
Even in that simple statement, you are shifting the responsibility from being a helpless clumsy idiot that can’t help but break plates, to a human being that isn’t always perfect and makes mistakes.
You are not as powerless as you may feel. , Changing your life takes bravery and, even if you think you aren't courageous, you are.
In your changes journal, write down all the times in your life you felt brave.
Write about all the times you were faced with situations that you thought you could never deal with or situations that scared you that you did indeed survive.
Honor your courage for just living in this world.
For example, write about how you showed up at school to take the test even though you failed it.
Sometimes just showing up takes courage.
Courage is not an easy talent and having it does not mean that you don’t fear things.
It just means you know you have the power to face your fears and deal with life.
Try getting creative.
Make a collage about how brave you are, write a poem about courage, or make a poster about all of your courageous attributes., Changing your life for the better does not mean you will suddenly have a better life where everything falls into place and you sail along blissfully satisfied with your better life.
Changing your life for the better takes courage.
Changing your attitude from feeling as though there is nothing you can do to rise above the adversity of life and that you are stuck and stagnant, to feeling as though you have a healthy, resilient, positive attitude and belief in yourself is essential in changing your life for the better.
You cannot change life, you cannot predict life, and often the best laid plans can always fall through.
However, you can change yourself and how you view life events. -
Step 3: Know why you need to change.
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Step 4: Start a journal of change.
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Step 5: Re-frame your thoughts.
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Step 6: Change negatives to positives in your life.
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Step 7: Acknowledge your courage.
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Step 8: Realize it takes time and effort.
Detailed Guide
The internal locus of control is a fancy way of saying how you view yourself in relation to events in your life and your attitude towards situations that happen to you.A strong internal locus of control means that you take responsibility for things in your life, and you have a hardy sense of being able to manage problems or difficulties that may come your way.
To begin changing your life for the better, beef up your internal locus of control.
In contrast, if you have an external locus of control, you feel as though things just happen to you, you are a victim of your circumstances, and you don’t feel as though you have much agency in your life to deal with challenging events.
An easy example is to imagine you have been in a car accident, no one is hurt, and you and the other driver are both at fault If you are oriented in having an internal locus of control, you will accept the situation, have confidence you will be able to deal with the consequences, and feel that, even though this is a challenging situation, you will be able to handle it.
If your locus of control is external, your thoughts may be a long the lines of, “Why does this always happen to me? Nothing ever goes my way.
I always mess everything up.
The world is out to get me, no matter what I do.”
There is an easy true and false test available online that you can take and score in about ten minutes that can tell you where your locus of control is.Take the test and figure out your score.
This will let you know where you are so you can start to understand your approach to life.
Understanding what your beliefs are and your ability to handle adversity will help illuminate where to begin changing your attitudes towards life in a more positive, empowered way. , Feeling like you have no control over yourself or your life can lead to feelings of stagnation, depression, helplessness, and hopelessness.
How can you change your life for the better if you feel so stuck in this way? Are you living your life or are you letting life live you? Most people tend to take on negative thoughts about themselves when life doesn’t work out the way they imagined.
It’s a normal reaction, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change it., Now that you know where your locus of control is and why you need to shift it, you can start to move toward a more internal, empowered approach to life.
Write down recent examples of times in your life that made you feel angry or disappointed, such as tests at school, performance at work, your self esteem in relationships, or your general success and ability to deal with life in the face of adversity.
Write down all of the examples you can think of that cause you to feel worry, anxiety, anger, or guilt.
Next to these events, write what your natural reaction to these things would be.
Write down as may examples as you can think of, real or imagined, and your honest thoughts and reactions when life doesn’t go your way.
For example, people often stress about school and work performance.
For example, write down, "If I fail this test, I am a loser and I am stupid.
The test was probably unfair and I don’t have enough time to study.
I can’t do this." These are all statements that relieve you of any responsibility of the actual outcome of the test.This will help you access your feelings and start to change them. , Start to create the shift to a more empowered view of life with your journal.
The power of your words will help you clearly see the choice you have in how you view your life.
Becoming aware of that choice and internalizing the power you have to put your life in your perspective on your terms will help you begin to change your life for the better.
Using your listed feelings in your journal, begin to re-frame your reactions from the perspective of choice, empowerment, and positive esteem.
Own your choices, own your time, own your consequences, and be realistic about your role as a person in the events that happen in your life.
For example, you could write about a test, “I didn't study as much as I could because I went to the movies, and that’s okay.
I didn’t do as well as I wanted to, but next time I will do better.
I know that I could have done better because I am capable of better study habits and time management.
I’m only human, and sometimes I make mistakes.
There will be more tests, it’s not the end of the world.
I can talk to the professor to see if there is anything else I can do to help my grade.” , Begin to take this new perspective of choice and empowerment into the real world.
Changing your life for the better starts with your attitudes about yourself and your life.
Listen to how you talk to yourself when you feel disappointed and upset.
Use your journal to write down the negative things that immediately pop into your brain throughout the day.
Set an alarm on your phone so that the message “Talk positively to yourself today” pops up every hour.
Make small posters that you can place by your bed, your office walls, or inside your notebooks that say "Only positive self talk." Take responsibility for how you treat yourself and how you talk to yourself.
Feeling like you deserve to change your life for the better will create positive change in your life.
For example, you dropped a plate and broke it.
Instead of thinking, "I am such a clumsy idiot!"
start to change the toxic patterns and write down positive re-framing thoughts in your journal.
You aren’t a clumsy idiot, you are a person who sometimes drops plates.
Even in that simple statement, you are shifting the responsibility from being a helpless clumsy idiot that can’t help but break plates, to a human being that isn’t always perfect and makes mistakes.
You are not as powerless as you may feel. , Changing your life takes bravery and, even if you think you aren't courageous, you are.
In your changes journal, write down all the times in your life you felt brave.
Write about all the times you were faced with situations that you thought you could never deal with or situations that scared you that you did indeed survive.
Honor your courage for just living in this world.
For example, write about how you showed up at school to take the test even though you failed it.
Sometimes just showing up takes courage.
Courage is not an easy talent and having it does not mean that you don’t fear things.
It just means you know you have the power to face your fears and deal with life.
Try getting creative.
Make a collage about how brave you are, write a poem about courage, or make a poster about all of your courageous attributes., Changing your life for the better does not mean you will suddenly have a better life where everything falls into place and you sail along blissfully satisfied with your better life.
Changing your life for the better takes courage.
Changing your attitude from feeling as though there is nothing you can do to rise above the adversity of life and that you are stuck and stagnant, to feeling as though you have a healthy, resilient, positive attitude and belief in yourself is essential in changing your life for the better.
You cannot change life, you cannot predict life, and often the best laid plans can always fall through.
However, you can change yourself and how you view life events.
About the Author
Larry Taylor
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
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