How to Communicate More in Times of Stress
Check-in with yourself., Try to get calm., Pause to think., Be clear and concise., Learn to listen actively., Be nice., Try being more assertive., Negotiate a compromise., Pay attention to your non-verbals.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Check-in with yourself.
In stressful times, you’ll want to know your triggers and make sure you’re relatively calm before communicating with others.
If you’re too angry or too distracted, you may shut down and not listen to others as well or say what you mean.Check in with your body for these clues to see if you’re too stressed to talk:
Muscle tightness Stomach ache Clenched fists Rapid or shallow breathing Flushed face -
Step 2: Try to get calm.
If you notice any clues in your body that you're too stressed to interact with others, try to get calm first.
Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing may help with stress management long-term, but might not be easy to implement in the moment if you feel like you're in the middle of a crisis.
For quick stress relief, try to engage or focus in on one of your senses.
By focusing in on a sensory experience, you'll feel more calm and reinvigorated to face the problem at hand.
For example, you might try:
Rubbing your neck and shoulders.
Petting your dog.
Lighting a favorite candle.
Sipping a hot tea or coffee.
Going for a short walk. , You should also give yourself some time to calm down your thoughts before communicating with others.
It’s important you’ve thought through what you need to say in order to get your points across to others well.
This is particularly important during times of stress or crisis, when people may be more emotional, impatient, or prone to misunderstand you., Be specific about what you need or about what the problem is.
Do not get off track and bring up more than one point at a time, or you'll confuse the other person.
Try to speak with an even, clear tone of voice in order to get your point across more effectively and avoid upsetting who you're with.You can say, "I need to talk about how we spend our money now that I've lost my job.
I am worried about spending too much and wanted to brainstorm with you what we could do differently.
Can we talk about this?"
If you want to communicate effectively when you're stressed, you’ll need to learn to listen well, too.
To truly listen, you’ll need to try to understand both the words and emotions behind what someone is saying.
Listening well will actually lower stress for both of you and leave you both feeling like you understand each other.
To listen well, you should:
Avoid checking your phone or looking at other things while they’re talking.
Avoid interrupting.
Nod, smile, or say “yes” periodically to show you’re following along.
Reflect back what they said to make sure you understand. , Being nice and showing empathy toward others will improve communication.
You don’t have to agree with everything they say or feel, but try to put yourself in the other person’s position to understand them better.
Some patterns of communication that are not nice and that you should avoid include:
Judging Criticizing Blaming Name-calling Telling someone how they “should” feel , Being assertive is essential to communicating well with others, but does not mean you have to be mean.
When you assert yourself, you're able to calmly and honestly express your needs, as well as listen to and respect what others need.
To be more assertive, remember to:
Value your own opinions, needs, and wants just as much as anyone else's.
Say "no" and know your limits.
Ask for help and feedback.
Recognize and seek clarity on the other person's needs or emotions. , Sometimes in order to reduce stress for everyone you’ll have to reach a compromise.
A compromise may be especially useful and beneficial to you and your relationship with the other person if the other person is more passionate about their point of view.Compromising shows that you've been listening, that you care, and that you're invested enough to work with the other person to find a solution that you both can live with.For example, you can say, "Maybe I am being overly concerned about our spending.
I'd be willing to cut down my spending on going out to eat and going to the movies, if you'd be willing to spend some time with me helping to budget for and plan meals.
What do you think?"
Make sure that your nonverbal behavior, including body language and tone of voice, matches with what you’re saying.
Adjust your tone of voice so that you’re not yelling and making the other person scared, uncomfortable, or more stressed.Some other non-verbals to attend to:
Pacing Clutching objects Crossing your arms tightly Making poor eye contact -
Step 3: Pause to think.
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Step 4: Be clear and concise.
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Step 5: Learn to listen actively.
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Step 6: Be nice.
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Step 7: Try being more assertive.
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Step 8: Negotiate a compromise.
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Step 9: Pay attention to your non-verbals.
Detailed Guide
In stressful times, you’ll want to know your triggers and make sure you’re relatively calm before communicating with others.
If you’re too angry or too distracted, you may shut down and not listen to others as well or say what you mean.Check in with your body for these clues to see if you’re too stressed to talk:
Muscle tightness Stomach ache Clenched fists Rapid or shallow breathing Flushed face
If you notice any clues in your body that you're too stressed to interact with others, try to get calm first.
Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing may help with stress management long-term, but might not be easy to implement in the moment if you feel like you're in the middle of a crisis.
For quick stress relief, try to engage or focus in on one of your senses.
By focusing in on a sensory experience, you'll feel more calm and reinvigorated to face the problem at hand.
For example, you might try:
Rubbing your neck and shoulders.
Petting your dog.
Lighting a favorite candle.
Sipping a hot tea or coffee.
Going for a short walk. , You should also give yourself some time to calm down your thoughts before communicating with others.
It’s important you’ve thought through what you need to say in order to get your points across to others well.
This is particularly important during times of stress or crisis, when people may be more emotional, impatient, or prone to misunderstand you., Be specific about what you need or about what the problem is.
Do not get off track and bring up more than one point at a time, or you'll confuse the other person.
Try to speak with an even, clear tone of voice in order to get your point across more effectively and avoid upsetting who you're with.You can say, "I need to talk about how we spend our money now that I've lost my job.
I am worried about spending too much and wanted to brainstorm with you what we could do differently.
Can we talk about this?"
If you want to communicate effectively when you're stressed, you’ll need to learn to listen well, too.
To truly listen, you’ll need to try to understand both the words and emotions behind what someone is saying.
Listening well will actually lower stress for both of you and leave you both feeling like you understand each other.
To listen well, you should:
Avoid checking your phone or looking at other things while they’re talking.
Avoid interrupting.
Nod, smile, or say “yes” periodically to show you’re following along.
Reflect back what they said to make sure you understand. , Being nice and showing empathy toward others will improve communication.
You don’t have to agree with everything they say or feel, but try to put yourself in the other person’s position to understand them better.
Some patterns of communication that are not nice and that you should avoid include:
Judging Criticizing Blaming Name-calling Telling someone how they “should” feel , Being assertive is essential to communicating well with others, but does not mean you have to be mean.
When you assert yourself, you're able to calmly and honestly express your needs, as well as listen to and respect what others need.
To be more assertive, remember to:
Value your own opinions, needs, and wants just as much as anyone else's.
Say "no" and know your limits.
Ask for help and feedback.
Recognize and seek clarity on the other person's needs or emotions. , Sometimes in order to reduce stress for everyone you’ll have to reach a compromise.
A compromise may be especially useful and beneficial to you and your relationship with the other person if the other person is more passionate about their point of view.Compromising shows that you've been listening, that you care, and that you're invested enough to work with the other person to find a solution that you both can live with.For example, you can say, "Maybe I am being overly concerned about our spending.
I'd be willing to cut down my spending on going out to eat and going to the movies, if you'd be willing to spend some time with me helping to budget for and plan meals.
What do you think?"
Make sure that your nonverbal behavior, including body language and tone of voice, matches with what you’re saying.
Adjust your tone of voice so that you’re not yelling and making the other person scared, uncomfortable, or more stressed.Some other non-verbals to attend to:
Pacing Clutching objects Crossing your arms tightly Making poor eye contact
About the Author
Michael Ramirez
Specializes in breaking down complex DIY projects topics into simple steps.
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