How to Conceal Your Farting in Public
Get on the move., Drown out the smell., Walk somewhere that smells bad., Fart while in couple., Clench your glutes.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Get on the move.
This is known as “crop dusting.” If you’ve farted in public – and you just really couldn’t help it – leave.
Even if you have to stay in the room you’re in, you could move around the room.
People aren’t as likely to realize you were the one who farted if most of the smell is where you’re not.
If you feel a fart coming on, release it while you’re in the process of walking so the smell diffuses over a greater space.
It would be even better to walk outside if you know you are about to fart.
If you can leave the room entirely after you fart inside it, that’s good too. -
Step 2: Drown out the smell.
Do whatever you can to camouflage or reduce the smell if you’ve already farted in public.
Spritz yourself with perfume if you have some in your purse (or cologne if you’re a man).
Some restaurant and hotel restrooms offer perfume for their customers.
Spray deodorant works too.
Pull out scented hand moisturizer, and casually apply it to your hands.
You will look less like the culprit if you’re busy doing something nonchalantly, and it will smell good too.
Even hairspray can help camouflage the smell if you don’t have any perfume or cologne that you can use. , One of the best ways to camouflage a public fart, is to fart somewhere that already smells bad.
For example, let’s say you’re in the grocery store when you have to fart.
Head for the seafood or fish aisle! Another good location to fart is in the area around trash cans.
People might mistake the smell as coming from the trash can, not you.
Bathrooms are the obvious place to fart if you’re in public and can control where it comes out.
People don’t generally expect bathrooms to smell good. , It’s harder to just walk away to fart if you’re with a significant other on a date.
You may want to hide the fact you have to fart altogether.
Walk behind the person before you let it out.
This is essentially the “crop dusting” technique, but it will disburse the smell behind and away from your partner.
Let it out before you open the car door for the person.
That means the smell will be disbursed outside rather than inside the enclosed vehicle.
Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
They will probably think you really have to go to the bathroom, not that you are leaving to fart. , You might be able to weaken and silence your fart if you make the right moves with your butt when you feel it coming on.
Sitting down will also help.Tighten your glute muscles as tightly as you can.
If you do this maneuver long enough you should find the fart weakening.
Fart into a pillow or something else soft to muffle the sound of the fart.
Pulling your butt cheeks slightly apart can also diffuse the strength of the fart.
It would be hard to do this without someone seeing, but you might be able to pull it off quickly behind a wall or in the bathroom.
Letting a little bit of the fart out at a time will also make the fart smaller and less obvious.
Do this every 30 seconds until the fart is out.
Take care that you don't "shart." This means small involuntary defecation that occurs while farting.
You can prevent it by evacuating your bowels fully each time you go to the bathroom. -
Step 3: Walk somewhere that smells bad.
-
Step 4: Fart while in couple.
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Step 5: Clench your glutes.
Detailed Guide
This is known as “crop dusting.” If you’ve farted in public – and you just really couldn’t help it – leave.
Even if you have to stay in the room you’re in, you could move around the room.
People aren’t as likely to realize you were the one who farted if most of the smell is where you’re not.
If you feel a fart coming on, release it while you’re in the process of walking so the smell diffuses over a greater space.
It would be even better to walk outside if you know you are about to fart.
If you can leave the room entirely after you fart inside it, that’s good too.
Do whatever you can to camouflage or reduce the smell if you’ve already farted in public.
Spritz yourself with perfume if you have some in your purse (or cologne if you’re a man).
Some restaurant and hotel restrooms offer perfume for their customers.
Spray deodorant works too.
Pull out scented hand moisturizer, and casually apply it to your hands.
You will look less like the culprit if you’re busy doing something nonchalantly, and it will smell good too.
Even hairspray can help camouflage the smell if you don’t have any perfume or cologne that you can use. , One of the best ways to camouflage a public fart, is to fart somewhere that already smells bad.
For example, let’s say you’re in the grocery store when you have to fart.
Head for the seafood or fish aisle! Another good location to fart is in the area around trash cans.
People might mistake the smell as coming from the trash can, not you.
Bathrooms are the obvious place to fart if you’re in public and can control where it comes out.
People don’t generally expect bathrooms to smell good. , It’s harder to just walk away to fart if you’re with a significant other on a date.
You may want to hide the fact you have to fart altogether.
Walk behind the person before you let it out.
This is essentially the “crop dusting” technique, but it will disburse the smell behind and away from your partner.
Let it out before you open the car door for the person.
That means the smell will be disbursed outside rather than inside the enclosed vehicle.
Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
They will probably think you really have to go to the bathroom, not that you are leaving to fart. , You might be able to weaken and silence your fart if you make the right moves with your butt when you feel it coming on.
Sitting down will also help.Tighten your glute muscles as tightly as you can.
If you do this maneuver long enough you should find the fart weakening.
Fart into a pillow or something else soft to muffle the sound of the fart.
Pulling your butt cheeks slightly apart can also diffuse the strength of the fart.
It would be hard to do this without someone seeing, but you might be able to pull it off quickly behind a wall or in the bathroom.
Letting a little bit of the fart out at a time will also make the fart smaller and less obvious.
Do this every 30 seconds until the fart is out.
Take care that you don't "shart." This means small involuntary defecation that occurs while farting.
You can prevent it by evacuating your bowels fully each time you go to the bathroom.
About the Author
Robert Hall
Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.
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