How to Console Someone
Tell the person that you care., Avoid false cheerfulness., Be sensitive to the situation., Open the door for them to do the talking., Offer to follow up.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Tell the person that you care.
There’s no “right” thing to say when someone is in emotional pain – especially when there is a perfectly reasonable reason for their suffering.
Choose your words, your voice, and your manners in terms of what will convey that you care.
At the simplest level, this requires that you act as normally as possible.
Further, only say things that are sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, and accepting.
These will often be simple, open-ended statement that will encourage the other person to open up.
Another possible thing to say is, “I’m so sorry about ______.” Don’t be worried about mentioning something painful; if they are upset, they are already thinking about it.
Say things like, “It’s perfectly alright to cry.” -
Step 2: Avoid false cheerfulness.
There will come a time for lighthearted jokes and hopeful statements.
When someone is feeling deeply distressed or is experiencing intense sorrow, any cheeriness may ring hollow.
Worse, anything that comes across as insincere may be seem to belittle the gravity of what they are feeling.
Respect how the person is feeling by taking care not to disregard their current emotions.Avoid statements like, “Look on the bright side,” or otherwise trying to put a positive spin on something that is obviously giving someone immense pain.
In sum, don’t say anything with the sole intention of “cheering someone up.” Instead, allow someone in emotional distress to release any feelings of despair or anger, not repress them.
Focus on conveying the fact that you are simply there for them with statements like, “You’re not alone in this.
I’m right here with you.” , Depending on why someone is upset, you need to avoid saying things that but may come across as insensitive.
For instance, never say anything along the lines of “It was God’s will.” Such a statement does absolutely nothing to address how a person is feeling.Whenever unsure, make sure that what you’re saying does not minimize or invalidate the suffering that another person is going through.
Sometimes, even statements that are “true,” must be avoided.
For instance, you do not want to tell a mother who just miscarried that she could have another child.
While this may be accurate, it ignores her current suffering regarding the loss of her pregnancy. , At some point, they should talk about how they’re feeling.
You may even have to guide them to do so.
Say something like, “I know it may hurt to talk about, but you should feel free to talk to me about______, now or whenever you want to.” Feel free to do this at any point after they’ve calmed down – even some time after a traumatic incident.Avoid equating your own experiences to what someone else is going through.
Don’t say “I know how you feel,” even if you have had a similar experience.Instead, say things like, “I know how much ____ meant to you." Be honest when you're at a loss for words by saying something along the lines of “I don’t know you’re feeling, but I care about you and I want to help.” You can also say “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you, and I’m always willing to listen.” , Often, people will receive a lot of emotional support immediately following a traumatic incident.
Unfortunately, this support will often wane.
Indicate that your support will be ongoing by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, can I call you back in a few weeks to see how you’re doing?”Do not be concerned that you’re bringing up something that someone may not want to talk about.
If they don’t want to, they’ll say that.
But chances are, they need to.
Either way, the knowledge of your continued support will be a source of comfort. -
Step 3: Be sensitive to the situation.
-
Step 4: Open the door for them to do the talking.
-
Step 5: Offer to follow up.
Detailed Guide
There’s no “right” thing to say when someone is in emotional pain – especially when there is a perfectly reasonable reason for their suffering.
Choose your words, your voice, and your manners in terms of what will convey that you care.
At the simplest level, this requires that you act as normally as possible.
Further, only say things that are sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, and accepting.
These will often be simple, open-ended statement that will encourage the other person to open up.
Another possible thing to say is, “I’m so sorry about ______.” Don’t be worried about mentioning something painful; if they are upset, they are already thinking about it.
Say things like, “It’s perfectly alright to cry.”
There will come a time for lighthearted jokes and hopeful statements.
When someone is feeling deeply distressed or is experiencing intense sorrow, any cheeriness may ring hollow.
Worse, anything that comes across as insincere may be seem to belittle the gravity of what they are feeling.
Respect how the person is feeling by taking care not to disregard their current emotions.Avoid statements like, “Look on the bright side,” or otherwise trying to put a positive spin on something that is obviously giving someone immense pain.
In sum, don’t say anything with the sole intention of “cheering someone up.” Instead, allow someone in emotional distress to release any feelings of despair or anger, not repress them.
Focus on conveying the fact that you are simply there for them with statements like, “You’re not alone in this.
I’m right here with you.” , Depending on why someone is upset, you need to avoid saying things that but may come across as insensitive.
For instance, never say anything along the lines of “It was God’s will.” Such a statement does absolutely nothing to address how a person is feeling.Whenever unsure, make sure that what you’re saying does not minimize or invalidate the suffering that another person is going through.
Sometimes, even statements that are “true,” must be avoided.
For instance, you do not want to tell a mother who just miscarried that she could have another child.
While this may be accurate, it ignores her current suffering regarding the loss of her pregnancy. , At some point, they should talk about how they’re feeling.
You may even have to guide them to do so.
Say something like, “I know it may hurt to talk about, but you should feel free to talk to me about______, now or whenever you want to.” Feel free to do this at any point after they’ve calmed down – even some time after a traumatic incident.Avoid equating your own experiences to what someone else is going through.
Don’t say “I know how you feel,” even if you have had a similar experience.Instead, say things like, “I know how much ____ meant to you." Be honest when you're at a loss for words by saying something along the lines of “I don’t know you’re feeling, but I care about you and I want to help.” You can also say “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you, and I’m always willing to listen.” , Often, people will receive a lot of emotional support immediately following a traumatic incident.
Unfortunately, this support will often wane.
Indicate that your support will be ongoing by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, can I call you back in a few weeks to see how you’re doing?”Do not be concerned that you’re bringing up something that someone may not want to talk about.
If they don’t want to, they’ll say that.
But chances are, they need to.
Either way, the knowledge of your continued support will be a source of comfort.
About the Author
Cheryl Shaw
Experienced content creator specializing in organization guides and tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: