How to Cope With a Flirtatious Co Worker
Identify the flirtatious behavior., Recognize the difference between flirting and sexual harassment., Examine how your coworker treats others., Determine what you need to feel comfortable., Address your coworker as soon as it happens., Be more...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify the flirtatious behavior.
Does your coworker make comments about how you look or dress? Find ways to touch you? Wink at you or make extended eye contact? Make suggestive jokes or comments?Identifying the behavior will help you create a plan of action.
Once you identify the specific behavior, think about how you feel when this happens.
Do you feel uncomfortable or nervous? Do you think your coworker is intentionally trying to make you feel uncomfortable or is unaware of their actions? Your coworker may not even realize that they are being flirty and making you uncomfortable.It may help to write down the flirtatious behavior. -
Step 2: Recognize the difference between flirting and sexual harassment.
There is a fine line, but flirting and sexual harassment are different.
The United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defines sexual harassment as "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature" that negatively impacts your work environment or your work performance.Sexual harassment is illegal.
If you are a victim of sexual harassment, immediately report your coworker in accordance with the policies at your workplace.
Human Resources is always a good place to start. , If you are not sure that your coworker is flirting with you, pay attention to their interactions with other people in your office.
Are they touchy with others in the office? Do they make comments on everyone's appearance?Observing can also help you understand your coworker's intention.
Your coworker may be very friendly or actually flirting with you.
Even if this flirtatious behavior appears to be normal for your coworker, still speak up if you are feeling uncomfortable.
Work should be a safe place where you are comfortable and able to focus on doing your job.
Just because other people accept the coworker's behavior does not mean that you have to. , Once you identify the specific behavior and how it makes you feel, decide what behavior change you need to see from your coworker.
It is important for you to be as specific and honest as possible when you address your coworker.
You want to be clear and avoid any misunderstandings.Combine all of your thoughts into one sentence such as, "When you ___, I feel ___.
Going forward, could you ____?"
Instead of asking to speak to your coworker after the flirting has happened, handle it right in the moment.
When a coworker flirts and you do not say anything, your coworker thinks this behavior is perfectly fine.
It is also easier to correct a situation as soon it happens instead of trying to start a random conversation.For example, if your coworker comments about how great you look that day, say "I feel uncomfortable when you comment about how I look.
Could you keep those thoughts to yourself from now on?" or "Thanks for the compliment, but it really makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that."If your coworker makes physical contact with you, say "Hey, could you keep your hands to yourself.
It makes me uncomfortable," or "Not to be rude, but I need a little more personal space." If you are not comfortable addressing your coworker immediately, you can also speak to them once you get your thoughts together.
If your coworker is receptive, thank them for being understanding and let them know that you want to continue to have a good professional relationship.
There is no need to bring up the situation again. , Your coworker will typically stop flirting with you once you speak up.
However, if it does not happen, you can address the coworker one more time and/or speak to your supervisor or someone in human resources.
This is not an issue that you have to deal with at your workplace.To be more direct, say, "Hey ____.
I told you that I do not like when you ___, and it needs to stop.
You make me very uncomfortable, and I don't want to feel this way at work." -
Step 3: Examine how your coworker treats others.
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Step 4: Determine what you need to feel comfortable.
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Step 5: Address your coworker as soon as it happens.
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Step 6: Be more direct with a persistent flirter.
Detailed Guide
Does your coworker make comments about how you look or dress? Find ways to touch you? Wink at you or make extended eye contact? Make suggestive jokes or comments?Identifying the behavior will help you create a plan of action.
Once you identify the specific behavior, think about how you feel when this happens.
Do you feel uncomfortable or nervous? Do you think your coworker is intentionally trying to make you feel uncomfortable or is unaware of their actions? Your coworker may not even realize that they are being flirty and making you uncomfortable.It may help to write down the flirtatious behavior.
There is a fine line, but flirting and sexual harassment are different.
The United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defines sexual harassment as "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature" that negatively impacts your work environment or your work performance.Sexual harassment is illegal.
If you are a victim of sexual harassment, immediately report your coworker in accordance with the policies at your workplace.
Human Resources is always a good place to start. , If you are not sure that your coworker is flirting with you, pay attention to their interactions with other people in your office.
Are they touchy with others in the office? Do they make comments on everyone's appearance?Observing can also help you understand your coworker's intention.
Your coworker may be very friendly or actually flirting with you.
Even if this flirtatious behavior appears to be normal for your coworker, still speak up if you are feeling uncomfortable.
Work should be a safe place where you are comfortable and able to focus on doing your job.
Just because other people accept the coworker's behavior does not mean that you have to. , Once you identify the specific behavior and how it makes you feel, decide what behavior change you need to see from your coworker.
It is important for you to be as specific and honest as possible when you address your coworker.
You want to be clear and avoid any misunderstandings.Combine all of your thoughts into one sentence such as, "When you ___, I feel ___.
Going forward, could you ____?"
Instead of asking to speak to your coworker after the flirting has happened, handle it right in the moment.
When a coworker flirts and you do not say anything, your coworker thinks this behavior is perfectly fine.
It is also easier to correct a situation as soon it happens instead of trying to start a random conversation.For example, if your coworker comments about how great you look that day, say "I feel uncomfortable when you comment about how I look.
Could you keep those thoughts to yourself from now on?" or "Thanks for the compliment, but it really makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that."If your coworker makes physical contact with you, say "Hey, could you keep your hands to yourself.
It makes me uncomfortable," or "Not to be rude, but I need a little more personal space." If you are not comfortable addressing your coworker immediately, you can also speak to them once you get your thoughts together.
If your coworker is receptive, thank them for being understanding and let them know that you want to continue to have a good professional relationship.
There is no need to bring up the situation again. , Your coworker will typically stop flirting with you once you speak up.
However, if it does not happen, you can address the coworker one more time and/or speak to your supervisor or someone in human resources.
This is not an issue that you have to deal with at your workplace.To be more direct, say, "Hey ____.
I told you that I do not like when you ___, and it needs to stop.
You make me very uncomfortable, and I don't want to feel this way at work."
About the Author
Alexis Evans
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow lifestyle tutorials.
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