How to Cope With Frustration
Learn your triggers., Avoid your triggers whenever possible., Practice stress-management breathing., Manage your expectations of others., Check in with yourself about relationships., View frustration as "delayed success" rather than "failure".
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Learn your triggers.
A trigger is an element in your environment that causes a sudden emotional reaction in you that is disproportionate to the trigger itself.
There are some common triggers, but everyone has a different set of circumstances that causes these frustrated feelings.Do you get frustrated when you are forced to wait and do nothing? For example, traffic jams or waiting in a check-out line.
Do you get frustrated when people do not meet your personal expectations or disrupt your work? For instance, someone sending you a text or email that throws off your day.
Do you get frustrated with difficult problems? For instance, does difficult homework tend to provoke an outburst? -
Step 2: Avoid your triggers whenever possible.
Knowing what tends to touch a nerve will help you recognize when these feelings are likely to strike and avoid the trigger as often as possible.Triggers are often automatic reactions, so simply knowing your triggers can often help control when you’re presented with one.
For example, keep your phone on silent when you need to work without disruption or get up and take a break from a difficult work or school assignment if you can feel it building toward an outbreak of frustration.
If you simply cannot avoid the trigger, try your best to realize that triggers are themselves thought patterns that you can choose to allow or not despite how hard it is to change them.Once triggered, take time to think rather than reacting impulsively. , Relaxed, regulated breathing changes the chemistry of the brain so activity is dominated by the thoughtful neocortex, not the fight-or-flight amygdala.This is how conscious, focused breathing can help you to avoid impulsive action or rash words.
Breathe deeply.
Before you act out of anger or frustration, pause and a take a deep breath.
Count to four slowly as you breathe in, then count to four again as you breathe out.
Repeat until you feel calm., People can be irrational, self-centered, unfair, and inconsistent.
You can always control your own reaction, but never the other person's behavior.Accept the limitations of others.
For instance, say you have a friend who is always late for everything but is otherwise a great friend.
Manage your expectation by realizing that you simply cannot make your friend show up on time, but you can control what you invite her to.
If you know that punctuality is one of your triggers, then avoid putting her in situations where promptness is an issue.
Cultivate your own self-sufficiency.
Feeling helpless may be overcome by setting and working on goals in whatever may be important to you.
So, is your frustration due to something you could take on yourself as a short term goal? For example, if you are frustrated with how your roommate doesn't take out the trash though previously agreed, maybe you should just take it out yourself rather than simmer in hostility.
Then ask the other person to do a different chore instead.
Avoid perfectionism in dealing with people.
People can be frustrating when they do not act consistently.
But that is simply being human
- humans are not robots or computers.
That can be disappointing, but accepting that the other is not perfect, (and neither are you) is important in dealing with people. , Frustration is a stressor that causes the release of adrenaline and other neurochemicals, which can act together to make you act impulsively and even aggressively.Before you shout, make a rude gesture, or insult someone, stop and mentally go back over the relevant events.
Check that your response is neither excessive nor insufficient.
The goal is not to let others dominate/walk all over you, while not over-dominating and walking over others yourself.
Ask yourself these questions to help you figure out how to respond to the current situation:
Are things really as I perceive them? What might I be missing here? Will what happened now matter in a day? A week? A year? Can I express my concerns without hostility? Is there information I am trying to share? Am I as interested in seeing the situation clearly as I am in my own reaction or being "right"? Am I interested in the other person’s needs? Can we cooperate? , How you frame your situation will change your reaction and emotions.
If you see your situation as a setback that you will get over, you are more likely to know immediately you can overcome the frustration.
For instance, say you’re saving for a new car but have to take some money from the fund to fix your current car.
Instead of fixating on not getting the new vehicle when you’d want, remind yourself that it will only set you back a month or two and that you will overcome the obstacle. -
Step 3: Practice stress-management breathing.
-
Step 4: Manage your expectations of others.
-
Step 5: Check in with yourself about relationships.
-
Step 6: View frustration as "delayed success" rather than "failure".
Detailed Guide
A trigger is an element in your environment that causes a sudden emotional reaction in you that is disproportionate to the trigger itself.
There are some common triggers, but everyone has a different set of circumstances that causes these frustrated feelings.Do you get frustrated when you are forced to wait and do nothing? For example, traffic jams or waiting in a check-out line.
Do you get frustrated when people do not meet your personal expectations or disrupt your work? For instance, someone sending you a text or email that throws off your day.
Do you get frustrated with difficult problems? For instance, does difficult homework tend to provoke an outburst?
Knowing what tends to touch a nerve will help you recognize when these feelings are likely to strike and avoid the trigger as often as possible.Triggers are often automatic reactions, so simply knowing your triggers can often help control when you’re presented with one.
For example, keep your phone on silent when you need to work without disruption or get up and take a break from a difficult work or school assignment if you can feel it building toward an outbreak of frustration.
If you simply cannot avoid the trigger, try your best to realize that triggers are themselves thought patterns that you can choose to allow or not despite how hard it is to change them.Once triggered, take time to think rather than reacting impulsively. , Relaxed, regulated breathing changes the chemistry of the brain so activity is dominated by the thoughtful neocortex, not the fight-or-flight amygdala.This is how conscious, focused breathing can help you to avoid impulsive action or rash words.
Breathe deeply.
Before you act out of anger or frustration, pause and a take a deep breath.
Count to four slowly as you breathe in, then count to four again as you breathe out.
Repeat until you feel calm., People can be irrational, self-centered, unfair, and inconsistent.
You can always control your own reaction, but never the other person's behavior.Accept the limitations of others.
For instance, say you have a friend who is always late for everything but is otherwise a great friend.
Manage your expectation by realizing that you simply cannot make your friend show up on time, but you can control what you invite her to.
If you know that punctuality is one of your triggers, then avoid putting her in situations where promptness is an issue.
Cultivate your own self-sufficiency.
Feeling helpless may be overcome by setting and working on goals in whatever may be important to you.
So, is your frustration due to something you could take on yourself as a short term goal? For example, if you are frustrated with how your roommate doesn't take out the trash though previously agreed, maybe you should just take it out yourself rather than simmer in hostility.
Then ask the other person to do a different chore instead.
Avoid perfectionism in dealing with people.
People can be frustrating when they do not act consistently.
But that is simply being human
- humans are not robots or computers.
That can be disappointing, but accepting that the other is not perfect, (and neither are you) is important in dealing with people. , Frustration is a stressor that causes the release of adrenaline and other neurochemicals, which can act together to make you act impulsively and even aggressively.Before you shout, make a rude gesture, or insult someone, stop and mentally go back over the relevant events.
Check that your response is neither excessive nor insufficient.
The goal is not to let others dominate/walk all over you, while not over-dominating and walking over others yourself.
Ask yourself these questions to help you figure out how to respond to the current situation:
Are things really as I perceive them? What might I be missing here? Will what happened now matter in a day? A week? A year? Can I express my concerns without hostility? Is there information I am trying to share? Am I as interested in seeing the situation clearly as I am in my own reaction or being "right"? Am I interested in the other person’s needs? Can we cooperate? , How you frame your situation will change your reaction and emotions.
If you see your situation as a setback that you will get over, you are more likely to know immediately you can overcome the frustration.
For instance, say you’re saving for a new car but have to take some money from the fund to fix your current car.
Instead of fixating on not getting the new vehicle when you’d want, remind yourself that it will only set you back a month or two and that you will overcome the obstacle.
About the Author
Kimberly Miller
Creates helpful guides on DIY projects to inspire and educate readers.
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