How to Deal With a Sarcastic Person
Distinguish between playful and hurtful sarcasm., Ignore the sarcastic remark., Consider correcting what the person said., Tell the person how you feel about the remark., Stay calm., Think about why you’re reacting., Consider your options.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Distinguish between playful and hurtful sarcasm.
Sometimes sarcasm is used to inject humor into a situation or dissipate tension.
In other cases, sarcasm could be wielded as a verbal weapon.
Knowing the difference is important, since you don't want to overreact if the sarcastic person is just trying to be funny.
In general, if the remark doesn't single a person out, it's possible it was intended to be humorous.
But other times, people are just naturally sarcastic.
Whenever they find something that could become a joke, they say it right away without thinking, and could possibly hurt someone.
For example, someone might try to lighten the mood in a long line by saying, "Oh, I'm so happy to be standing in this ridiculously long line right now." There's nothing aggressive about that statement; the person probably just wants to get a few chuckles.
On the other hand, this statement could be perceived as aggressive, or rude, depending on the tone with which it's delivered: "Wow, I'm so lucky that you're the person I'm standing next to in this ridiculously long line." -
Step 2: Ignore the sarcastic remark.
The best way to deal with a sarcastic remark in the moment is to treat it as if the speaker were sincere.
This is a way to move the conversation along without interruption, and allows you to appear confident and collected.You can also ignore the sarcastic remark completely, pretending not to hear it.
If the speaker’s intention was to upset you, you won’t be rewarding him with your attention.
They are looking for a reaction, so don't give them one.
Turning to talk to another person altogether will send the message that you’re unwilling to engage in additional conversation with the sarcastic person.
They might enjoy your company, but they show it differently then you do, or you are used to. , This is another way of pretending not to understand the sarcasm, and deflecting the speaker’s negative intent.For example, if the person said, “What a surprise
- you're doing something nice!” you can respond by saying how your action wasn’t meant out of niceness, but because it was simple to help out.
By responding with apparent sincerity, you’ll make their comment look especially inane. , Sometimes being honest is the best response, particularly if the person is sarcastic on a regular basis.
You don’t have to be angry or defensive.
Just tell him that his comment upset you.
They most likely didn't mean it in the way you took it, even if it seems so.Keep your comment simple and direct, without bringing up anything else that might have hurt your feelings.
If he tries to pretend it wasn’t a big deal, don’t respond.
Telling him how you felt about the sarcastic comment wasn’t an invitation to debate your feelings.
You can also find a time to talk to the sarcastic person when you’re both calm.
Find a time and place where you’re unlikely to be interrupted, and express your feelings.
This may result in greater sympathy and understanding. , Responding to a sarcastic comment with additional sarcasm doesn’t usually result in a happy ending.
When you start to feel yourself getting upset, take a deep breath and try not to say anything.
If possible, walk away from the situation.If this is a workplace situation, responding in anger could mean loss of your job or other negative consequences.
Do whatever you can to prevent yourself from responding quickly.
Another option is to mentally count to 10 before responding.
If you’re still upset after counting to 10, repeat the process. , If the sarcasm is really getting under your skin, there’s a good chance that there’s something going on inside of you.
Is this a topic that you’re especially sensitive about? Are you struggling with poor self-esteem that the comment reminds you of? If that’s the case, it might not be the sarcasm that’s the problem.Talking to a counselor or a friend about issues that routinely cause you to feel upset can be helpful in dealing with social teasing.
As you build your confidence and appreciate yourself more, you may notice an increased resilience in social situations. , If the sarcastic person is someone that you’ll need to get used to, such as, your supervisor, mother-in-law, partner, etc.
Try to respond to it in the best way you can.
If the sarcasm comes from someone you’ll be unlikely to see often, then it might be easier to ignore their taunts.If the sarcasm comes from someone you have to work with or see on a regular basis, talking to them about the affect their sarcasm has on you is often a better option, Realize that the person may have their own reasons for wanting to see you react to his sarcasm. -
Step 3: Consider correcting what the person said.
-
Step 4: Tell the person how you feel about the remark.
-
Step 5: Stay calm.
-
Step 6: Think about why you’re reacting.
-
Step 7: Consider your options.
Detailed Guide
Sometimes sarcasm is used to inject humor into a situation or dissipate tension.
In other cases, sarcasm could be wielded as a verbal weapon.
Knowing the difference is important, since you don't want to overreact if the sarcastic person is just trying to be funny.
In general, if the remark doesn't single a person out, it's possible it was intended to be humorous.
But other times, people are just naturally sarcastic.
Whenever they find something that could become a joke, they say it right away without thinking, and could possibly hurt someone.
For example, someone might try to lighten the mood in a long line by saying, "Oh, I'm so happy to be standing in this ridiculously long line right now." There's nothing aggressive about that statement; the person probably just wants to get a few chuckles.
On the other hand, this statement could be perceived as aggressive, or rude, depending on the tone with which it's delivered: "Wow, I'm so lucky that you're the person I'm standing next to in this ridiculously long line."
The best way to deal with a sarcastic remark in the moment is to treat it as if the speaker were sincere.
This is a way to move the conversation along without interruption, and allows you to appear confident and collected.You can also ignore the sarcastic remark completely, pretending not to hear it.
If the speaker’s intention was to upset you, you won’t be rewarding him with your attention.
They are looking for a reaction, so don't give them one.
Turning to talk to another person altogether will send the message that you’re unwilling to engage in additional conversation with the sarcastic person.
They might enjoy your company, but they show it differently then you do, or you are used to. , This is another way of pretending not to understand the sarcasm, and deflecting the speaker’s negative intent.For example, if the person said, “What a surprise
- you're doing something nice!” you can respond by saying how your action wasn’t meant out of niceness, but because it was simple to help out.
By responding with apparent sincerity, you’ll make their comment look especially inane. , Sometimes being honest is the best response, particularly if the person is sarcastic on a regular basis.
You don’t have to be angry or defensive.
Just tell him that his comment upset you.
They most likely didn't mean it in the way you took it, even if it seems so.Keep your comment simple and direct, without bringing up anything else that might have hurt your feelings.
If he tries to pretend it wasn’t a big deal, don’t respond.
Telling him how you felt about the sarcastic comment wasn’t an invitation to debate your feelings.
You can also find a time to talk to the sarcastic person when you’re both calm.
Find a time and place where you’re unlikely to be interrupted, and express your feelings.
This may result in greater sympathy and understanding. , Responding to a sarcastic comment with additional sarcasm doesn’t usually result in a happy ending.
When you start to feel yourself getting upset, take a deep breath and try not to say anything.
If possible, walk away from the situation.If this is a workplace situation, responding in anger could mean loss of your job or other negative consequences.
Do whatever you can to prevent yourself from responding quickly.
Another option is to mentally count to 10 before responding.
If you’re still upset after counting to 10, repeat the process. , If the sarcasm is really getting under your skin, there’s a good chance that there’s something going on inside of you.
Is this a topic that you’re especially sensitive about? Are you struggling with poor self-esteem that the comment reminds you of? If that’s the case, it might not be the sarcasm that’s the problem.Talking to a counselor or a friend about issues that routinely cause you to feel upset can be helpful in dealing with social teasing.
As you build your confidence and appreciate yourself more, you may notice an increased resilience in social situations. , If the sarcastic person is someone that you’ll need to get used to, such as, your supervisor, mother-in-law, partner, etc.
Try to respond to it in the best way you can.
If the sarcasm comes from someone you’ll be unlikely to see often, then it might be easier to ignore their taunts.If the sarcasm comes from someone you have to work with or see on a regular basis, talking to them about the affect their sarcasm has on you is often a better option, Realize that the person may have their own reasons for wanting to see you react to his sarcasm.
About the Author
Grace Ward
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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