How to Deal With an Overly Immature Person
Consider the person's age., Identify emotionally mature and immature reactions., Understand why a person might be emotionally immature., Acknowledge potential mental health issues.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Consider the person's age.
The word immature means “not fully developed.” By nature, the person may not understand how to respond to typical situations.
The younger the person is, the more cognition may be difficult.Be more understanding of immaturity in younger people.
An young boy might, for instance, show immaturity by joking about boobs and penises, farting on his friends, picking his nose, and generally acting like a child.While obnoxious, this may simply be normal behavior for someone his age, and should probably just be ignored.
Allow younger people space to grow up and mature before you get too angry.
On the other hand, a grown person who otherwise seems mature (i.e. someone who has moved beyond fart jokes) may still lack emotional maturity — she may be inconsiderate, unable to accept blame for her mistakes, or try to make you jealous or angry on purpose. -
Step 2: Identify emotionally mature and immature reactions.
Extreme situations can sometimes trigger emotionally immature reactions, something called age regression, which can blur the lines between adult and childish emotions.
React more thoughtfully when you recognize someone is reacting maturely.
There are a variety of ways to glean whether the reaction is an adult or childish/immature emotion.A person who is emotionally immature will: be reactive; see himself as a victim; act out his emotions (intense or gut reactions, like explosive anger, sudden crying, etc.); be self-centered and concerned with self-protection; appear to always be justifying his actions to himself or others; be manipulative; be motivated by fear or a feeling that he "has to" do something," as well as a need to avoid failure, discomfort, and rejection.A person who is showing emotional maturity will: be open to hearing others' perspectives; be proactive; be motivated by growth and act with a vision or purpose; act because he chooses to, not because he feels he must; act with integrity, meaning his actions will align with his values., People who are emotionally immature find it difficult to cope with their emotions, and often experience a learned helplessness, or feeling that she cannot change her situation or improve her life.This may be because she never learned how to face and handle difficult emotions.
While her immature behavior is not appropriate, it may help you to be more understanding if you realize that she is acting from a place of fear, feeling that she must protect herself from these uncomfortable emotions. , The person you’re dealing with may be dealing with ADHD or a personality disorder.
Some disorders of this type may appear to be immaturity, and can manifest in various ways.A person with ADHD may appear to be simply "immature"
but she actually has a neurodevelopmental disorder.
She may have trouble paying attention and talk excessively, may appear bossy or interrupt conversations, become verbally aggressive when frustrated, or have difficulty controlling her emotions, leading to outbursts of anger or tears.Borderline personality disorder is typically accompanied by major mood swings.
People with antisocial personality disorder are often unkind, and lack the ability to respect your feelings.Those with histrionic personality disorder can be very emotional in order to garner attention, and display uneasiness when not the focal point.Narcissistic personality disorder shows itself in people who have an exaggerated view of their worth, diminished empathy towards others, and results in a vulnerability that could cause outbursts. -
Step 3: Understand why a person might be emotionally immature.
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Step 4: Acknowledge potential mental health issues.
Detailed Guide
The word immature means “not fully developed.” By nature, the person may not understand how to respond to typical situations.
The younger the person is, the more cognition may be difficult.Be more understanding of immaturity in younger people.
An young boy might, for instance, show immaturity by joking about boobs and penises, farting on his friends, picking his nose, and generally acting like a child.While obnoxious, this may simply be normal behavior for someone his age, and should probably just be ignored.
Allow younger people space to grow up and mature before you get too angry.
On the other hand, a grown person who otherwise seems mature (i.e. someone who has moved beyond fart jokes) may still lack emotional maturity — she may be inconsiderate, unable to accept blame for her mistakes, or try to make you jealous or angry on purpose.
Extreme situations can sometimes trigger emotionally immature reactions, something called age regression, which can blur the lines between adult and childish emotions.
React more thoughtfully when you recognize someone is reacting maturely.
There are a variety of ways to glean whether the reaction is an adult or childish/immature emotion.A person who is emotionally immature will: be reactive; see himself as a victim; act out his emotions (intense or gut reactions, like explosive anger, sudden crying, etc.); be self-centered and concerned with self-protection; appear to always be justifying his actions to himself or others; be manipulative; be motivated by fear or a feeling that he "has to" do something," as well as a need to avoid failure, discomfort, and rejection.A person who is showing emotional maturity will: be open to hearing others' perspectives; be proactive; be motivated by growth and act with a vision or purpose; act because he chooses to, not because he feels he must; act with integrity, meaning his actions will align with his values., People who are emotionally immature find it difficult to cope with their emotions, and often experience a learned helplessness, or feeling that she cannot change her situation or improve her life.This may be because she never learned how to face and handle difficult emotions.
While her immature behavior is not appropriate, it may help you to be more understanding if you realize that she is acting from a place of fear, feeling that she must protect herself from these uncomfortable emotions. , The person you’re dealing with may be dealing with ADHD or a personality disorder.
Some disorders of this type may appear to be immaturity, and can manifest in various ways.A person with ADHD may appear to be simply "immature"
but she actually has a neurodevelopmental disorder.
She may have trouble paying attention and talk excessively, may appear bossy or interrupt conversations, become verbally aggressive when frustrated, or have difficulty controlling her emotions, leading to outbursts of anger or tears.Borderline personality disorder is typically accompanied by major mood swings.
People with antisocial personality disorder are often unkind, and lack the ability to respect your feelings.Those with histrionic personality disorder can be very emotional in order to garner attention, and display uneasiness when not the focal point.Narcissistic personality disorder shows itself in people who have an exaggerated view of their worth, diminished empathy towards others, and results in a vulnerability that could cause outbursts.
About the Author
Brittany Hayes
Writer and educator with a focus on practical organization knowledge.
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