How to Deal With Getting Dumped
Get closure (if you haven't already gotten it)., Accept the negative feelings that can come with rejection., If it makes you feel better, indulge yourself a little., Talk to members of your social support network., Avoid contact with your ex for the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Get closure (if you haven't already gotten it).
If you've already had a long, honest conversation with your ex about why you've been dumped, you can skip this step.
If not, try to get in contact with your ex one last time.
It's hard to move on following a breakup if you don't fully understand the reasons it happened in the first place.
Listen carefully to your ex's explanation for dumping you.
Even if you think s/he is being unreasonable, it's important to know your ex's thought process.
Offer your own thoughts about the relationship as well, doing your best to avoid unhelpful insults or cruel remarks.
If your ex won't talk with you or is too emotional to discuss the breakup rationally, back off.
Forcing the topic can cause tempers to flare.
If you're brave, you can try asking your ex's friends for an explanation. -
Step 2: Accept the negative feelings that can come with rejection.
For most people, getting dumped can lead to sadness and/or anger even if it was obvious that the relationship was not going well.
Acknowledge these emotions.
Let yourself cry, punch a pillow, or rant to a friend.
Do whatever you need to do to "let it all out." Getting past a breakup is a little like losing a friend or family member.
You need adequate time to grieve before healing can begin.
Remember: all emotions are temporary.
You might feel bad right now, but by accepting your emotions you take the most important step to recovery.
Time will greatly reduce your pain, but only once you accept that you are hurting in the first place. , It's practically cliche that people who are dumped will "let themselves go" for a brief while, but this cliche exists for a reason.
Giving yourself reasonable treats after a breakup can make managing your emotional pain easier and help you feel valued.
You might, for instance, try enjoying your favorite dessert after dinner for a few days after your breakup.
Alternatively, try dedicating a day off purely to the hobbies you haven't had time for lately.
Note that bad habits that are dangerous should not be indulged.
Don't use drugs or alcohol to dull the emotional pain you're feeling.
Don't turn to reckless behavior for an emotional "high." These things do nothing to address the root cause of your pain and can put you in very dangerous situations. , You're never alone after a breakup.
Don't be afraid to vent to your family and close friends if you're feeling sad or frustrated.
Simply talking about your problems can have a calming effect and make them seem much more manageable.
You may also be surprised by how knowledgeable the people you talk to are.
If they've been through breakups in the past, they may have valuable advice.
While friends and family members can be a big help, never, ever be afraid to talk to a professional if you don't start to feel better after a week or two.
Counselors and therapists can help you work through issues that are affecting your ability to work, study, or enjoy your life.
This sort of help isn't just for "crazy" people — more than a fifth of Americans have seen a therapist., Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you never have to see this person again.
However, if you can, you'll want to minimize the time you spend together for a while simply to avoid sparking old grudges or arguments.
Everyone gets past a breakup at a different pace, so take as much time away from your ex as you need until the idea of talking to this person doesn't make you feel tense or angry.
About one month is enough for many people, but longer is fine.
If you're forced to interact with your ex (like, for example, if you are stuck doing a project together for school), keep your conversations short and polite.
Don't talk about your relationship.
Just say what needs to be said to get through whatever you're doing.
Be pleasant, but not overly friendly. , As hard as a breakup may seem, there is almost always a silver lining.
Breakups are great learning experiences for future relationships.
They give you a chance to reflect on what went wrong and why.
They allow you to grow as a person and change the way that you handle your relationships.
Even if you did nothing wrong, you can still learn which traits to avoid in your next partner.
Try pondering the following questions:
Why did the relationship end? Were there problems in our communication? Was I not being treated the way I deserved? Did I treat my partner unfairly? Whose fault was it? Mine? My partner's? Both of ours? What things about my partner did I dislike? What things did I like? What things about myself made the relationship less likely to succeed? -
Step 3: If it makes you feel better
-
Step 4: indulge yourself a little.
-
Step 5: Talk to members of your social support network.
-
Step 6: Avoid contact with your ex for the time being.
-
Step 7: Take the opportunity to learn from your breakup.
Detailed Guide
If you've already had a long, honest conversation with your ex about why you've been dumped, you can skip this step.
If not, try to get in contact with your ex one last time.
It's hard to move on following a breakup if you don't fully understand the reasons it happened in the first place.
Listen carefully to your ex's explanation for dumping you.
Even if you think s/he is being unreasonable, it's important to know your ex's thought process.
Offer your own thoughts about the relationship as well, doing your best to avoid unhelpful insults or cruel remarks.
If your ex won't talk with you or is too emotional to discuss the breakup rationally, back off.
Forcing the topic can cause tempers to flare.
If you're brave, you can try asking your ex's friends for an explanation.
For most people, getting dumped can lead to sadness and/or anger even if it was obvious that the relationship was not going well.
Acknowledge these emotions.
Let yourself cry, punch a pillow, or rant to a friend.
Do whatever you need to do to "let it all out." Getting past a breakup is a little like losing a friend or family member.
You need adequate time to grieve before healing can begin.
Remember: all emotions are temporary.
You might feel bad right now, but by accepting your emotions you take the most important step to recovery.
Time will greatly reduce your pain, but only once you accept that you are hurting in the first place. , It's practically cliche that people who are dumped will "let themselves go" for a brief while, but this cliche exists for a reason.
Giving yourself reasonable treats after a breakup can make managing your emotional pain easier and help you feel valued.
You might, for instance, try enjoying your favorite dessert after dinner for a few days after your breakup.
Alternatively, try dedicating a day off purely to the hobbies you haven't had time for lately.
Note that bad habits that are dangerous should not be indulged.
Don't use drugs or alcohol to dull the emotional pain you're feeling.
Don't turn to reckless behavior for an emotional "high." These things do nothing to address the root cause of your pain and can put you in very dangerous situations. , You're never alone after a breakup.
Don't be afraid to vent to your family and close friends if you're feeling sad or frustrated.
Simply talking about your problems can have a calming effect and make them seem much more manageable.
You may also be surprised by how knowledgeable the people you talk to are.
If they've been through breakups in the past, they may have valuable advice.
While friends and family members can be a big help, never, ever be afraid to talk to a professional if you don't start to feel better after a week or two.
Counselors and therapists can help you work through issues that are affecting your ability to work, study, or enjoy your life.
This sort of help isn't just for "crazy" people — more than a fifth of Americans have seen a therapist., Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you never have to see this person again.
However, if you can, you'll want to minimize the time you spend together for a while simply to avoid sparking old grudges or arguments.
Everyone gets past a breakup at a different pace, so take as much time away from your ex as you need until the idea of talking to this person doesn't make you feel tense or angry.
About one month is enough for many people, but longer is fine.
If you're forced to interact with your ex (like, for example, if you are stuck doing a project together for school), keep your conversations short and polite.
Don't talk about your relationship.
Just say what needs to be said to get through whatever you're doing.
Be pleasant, but not overly friendly. , As hard as a breakup may seem, there is almost always a silver lining.
Breakups are great learning experiences for future relationships.
They give you a chance to reflect on what went wrong and why.
They allow you to grow as a person and change the way that you handle your relationships.
Even if you did nothing wrong, you can still learn which traits to avoid in your next partner.
Try pondering the following questions:
Why did the relationship end? Were there problems in our communication? Was I not being treated the way I deserved? Did I treat my partner unfairly? Whose fault was it? Mine? My partner's? Both of ours? What things about my partner did I dislike? What things did I like? What things about myself made the relationship less likely to succeed?
About the Author
Isabella Palmer
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in cooking and beyond.
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