How to Deal With People Who Strongly Disagree With You
Listen., Try to understand where the other person is coming from., See if you can agree on something.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Listen.
Though tensions may be high in a disagreement, and you may chomping at the bit to explain your side, listening to the person explain their point of view will help keep the conversation calm.
You will also be better able to understand their side.
Focus on what the other person is saying instead of planning your response to their argument.Ask questions.
Probe deeper to understand their beliefs.
You could ask, “How did you come to feel that way?” or “Did your parents have the same opinion?” A significant part of active listening is nonverbal behavior.
Maintaining eye contact, nodding, and squaring your body toward the person communicate both interest and respect toward the person. -
Step 2: Try to understand where the other person is coming from.
People often have different points of view because they have had different life experiences that have shaped them.
If you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you may better be able to understand where they are coming from.Practice empathy.
Think about how it would feel to be the other person and try to understand how they came to their point of view.
For example, your friend may be against expanding welfare benefits because his mother worked two jobs, providing for them so they wouldn’t need to rely on food stamps.
Your friend has the experience of seeing how it was possible to succeed without relying on welfare, and that has shaped his point of view.
Paraphrase.
Repeat what the other person told you, using slightly different words, to show you are listening to them, as well as to help clarify what you are hearing.
For example, if they say, “I grew up poor, and I did just fine without help,” you could say, “It sounds like you were really self-reliant.” , Consider if there are any points in the other person’s argument that you have in common.
Let them know what they are to build common ground.
For example, you may be against abortion and you are talking to someone who is pro-choice.
They may say they wish there was better sex education in schools so that kids understand the risk and impact of teen pregnancy, and you happen to agree.
You could say, “I agree with you that we need to do a better job of teaching teenagers about the dangers of unprotected sex and the risk of pregnancy.” -
Step 3: See if you can agree on something.
Detailed Guide
Though tensions may be high in a disagreement, and you may chomping at the bit to explain your side, listening to the person explain their point of view will help keep the conversation calm.
You will also be better able to understand their side.
Focus on what the other person is saying instead of planning your response to their argument.Ask questions.
Probe deeper to understand their beliefs.
You could ask, “How did you come to feel that way?” or “Did your parents have the same opinion?” A significant part of active listening is nonverbal behavior.
Maintaining eye contact, nodding, and squaring your body toward the person communicate both interest and respect toward the person.
People often have different points of view because they have had different life experiences that have shaped them.
If you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you may better be able to understand where they are coming from.Practice empathy.
Think about how it would feel to be the other person and try to understand how they came to their point of view.
For example, your friend may be against expanding welfare benefits because his mother worked two jobs, providing for them so they wouldn’t need to rely on food stamps.
Your friend has the experience of seeing how it was possible to succeed without relying on welfare, and that has shaped his point of view.
Paraphrase.
Repeat what the other person told you, using slightly different words, to show you are listening to them, as well as to help clarify what you are hearing.
For example, if they say, “I grew up poor, and I did just fine without help,” you could say, “It sounds like you were really self-reliant.” , Consider if there are any points in the other person’s argument that you have in common.
Let them know what they are to build common ground.
For example, you may be against abortion and you are talking to someone who is pro-choice.
They may say they wish there was better sex education in schools so that kids understand the risk and impact of teen pregnancy, and you happen to agree.
You could say, “I agree with you that we need to do a better job of teaching teenagers about the dangers of unprotected sex and the risk of pregnancy.”
About the Author
Teresa Kim
Enthusiastic about teaching DIY projects techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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