How to Deal with People You Don't Like
Maintain a proactive attitude.Instead of merely reacting to a person you do not like, view your relationship with that person in a proactive manner., Monitor your own emotions., Analyze your own feelings., Set boundaries., Try not to take things...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Maintain a proactive attitude.Instead of merely reacting to a person you do not like
Think of ways to make dealing with him or her easier ahead of time rather than waiting until the moment you have to meet.
Rely on logic and reason when dealing with the other person instead of relying on emotion.
Avoid complacency in your interactions.
Intentionally deciding to make the best of a situation can help you prevent it from turning worse, but if you let things develop naturally, things are more likely to turn out worse after all. -
Step 2: view your relationship with that person in a proactive manner.
The only feelings and thoughts you have control over are your own.
When interacting with people you don't like, stay calm and focus on thinking positively.
If you sense your mood turning sour, quickly pull yourself out of it to avoid turning the situation into a major meltdown.
If the issue is important enough to discuss later, giving yourself a "cool down" period might give you a chance to analyze what the other person said or did to make you so upset while giving you a chance to figure out how you need to approach that person later to avoid getting quite so flustered. , Ask yourself why you don't like the people you don't like.
You might have a valid reason for not liking someone, or the problem between the two of you might lie entirely on your shoulders.
Usually, though, both of you will have some role to play, and you need to be honest with yourself about the truth of the situation.
When analyzing the reason for your dislike, ask yourself specific questions, like:
Is the problem the individual or someone else who he or she reminds me of? Am I afraid of becoming like this person or do I recognize a negative character trait of my own in this person? Is my dislike for this person due to a prejudice I have against a larger group of people? , Know how much you are willing to take and don't be afraid to draw the boundary somewhere.
Even if you want to be a patient, understanding person, it is perfectly okay to admit to things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy.
Figuring out how much you can take before losing your cool can help defuse a situation before it turns explosive.
You're entitled to your own personal space, and if others are invading it, you do have the right to protect that space.
Even drawing mental boundaries can help you determine when to take a stand and when to let things slide, and the more willing you are to take a stand for yourself, the less likely you are to clash with the person you find yourself at odds with., Sometimes a person will intentionally pick on you, but in most cases, people you don't like will not be going out of their way to upset you.
If the problem between you and another person deals with his or her personality, you need to understand that the other person does not mean for you to take their actions as a personal insult.
A good way to figure out if this is a part of that person's personality or not is to watch how he or she behaves with other people.
If the behavior is similar to the type of behavior he or she shows you, you probably don't need to take those actions personally. , If you do not know how to deal with someone, watch others and see how they deal with that person.
In doing so, you have a chance to see what works and what doesn't without having to experiment yourself.
Even if the people you watch cannot deal with a difficult person well, you can still get a good idea of certain actions that will not work when dealing with that person.
Viewing the situation objectively can often give you a new and helpful perspective. , You will very seldom run across someone with no redeeming qualities.
Even if the positive qualities a person possesses are buried under layers of unpleasantness, identify at least one or two positives and focus on those traits so that you might come to appreciate the other person better.
By figuring out positive character traits of someone you don't like, you might be able to think of a context in which that person would not be quite as hard to tolerate. , Even though you should generally try to get alone with people you don't like, if something about a specific individual leaves you feeling threatened in some way, don't be afraid to listen to your gut.For example, if you recognize that a coworker has a habit of stealing credit for others' ideas or work, you would do well to avoid taking on projects with that person.
Similarly, if you're a girl and a guy you know frequently intimidates you physically or makes unwanted advances, you would do well to avoid him. , If you can afford to stay away from someone you don't like, doing just that might actually be the best thing for everyone involved.
Try not to be too obvious in your efforts to ignore him or her, though, since any rudeness you demonstrate is likely to be returned later on.
Staying away from someone for a while can also help you become more objective about the relationship between you both since you will not need to directly face the personality quirks that usually make you upset. , If you have to deal with people you don't like and the conversation is quickly going downhill, find a point on which you can sympathize to stop them in their tracks.
Doing so can defuse any hostility building in the other people, thereby making your interaction with them slightly more tolerable.
This point is especially important if the feeling of dislike is mutual and you often find yourself getting into arguments with the object of your hostility.
Even if the other person tries to pick a fight, it will be hard for him or her to do so if you are in agreement. , If someone you don't like has brought up a topic of conversation that annoys or frustrates you, switching topics can minimize the annoyance you feel and make it easier to deal with him or her.
When changing topics, make sure that the topic you change to is happy or neutral.
You also need to make the transition naturally instead of abruptly.
Telling someone outright that you no longer want to hear what he or she wants to say about a particular issue will do nothing but make that person even angrier at you. , It can be a bit tricky, but if you can gradually build up positive experiences and interactions with a person you don't like, you can change your own attitude and make it easier to deal with that person long-term.
Even brief positive interactions are better than none at all.
If possible, switch settings to more neutral grounds when trying to create positive experiences.
If you continually interact with each other in the same setting, the setting itself could contribute to an overall mood of hostility. , When all else fails, try letting the person you don't like know what your boundaries are and politely coax them into abiding by those boundaries.
If someone crosses the line, firmly but kindly ask him or her to stop.
Chances are, if the person does not mean to be malicious, he or she will be willing to ease off some if you ask politely.
There are tactful ways to go about this.
For instance, if you do not want to sacrifice a lot of time dealing with someone you don't like, you can let that person know at the start of the conversation that you only have 5 or 10 minutes to spare.
If someone you don't like does not respect the boundaries you set, you have the right to be firm about telling him or her to back off.
Offer a gentle reminder at first, and if that does not work, seriously remind them and take action to show that you are serious.
For instance, if that person keeps talking after you told him or her you no longer have time, repeat yourself and walk away. , Try not to lose your temper, even if the other person intentionally pushes all your buttons and tries to work you into a fury.
The moment you cave into the temptation to put that person in his or her place, you give that person the upper-hand by demonstrating a behavior that can be used against you and in his or her defense.
If your behavior is always calm, respectful, and polite, other people are more likely to believe your side of the story if a major conflict ever erupts between you and the person you have trouble with. , Oftentimes, people are hard to deal with just because of a conflicting personalities.
When you don't like someone because he or she bullies you, though, the entire situation changes.
Do not let yourself become a total pushover.
Push back, but just enough to communicate that you will not stand for abuse and not enough to start a conflict on your own.
Escalating the situation by becoming argumentative or defensive can make things worse.
If, on the other hand, you calmly put your foot down and refuse to back down when someone tries to bully you into something you don't want, the situation may result in bad feelings on both ends, but the person in question might lose interest and stop pestering you. , You can try every trick in the book, but sometimes, there is nothing you can do to make interacting with people you don't like any easier to tolerate.
If they refuse to respect you or try to agitate you further, the best thing you can do for everyone is simply to remove yourself from the situation.
Try to be polite about it.
Instead of abruptly walking away or saying that you can't stand to be around them any longer, excuse yourself and claim that you are tired or have something you need to attend to that requires you to leave early. -
Step 3: Monitor your own emotions.
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Step 4: Analyze your own feelings.
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Step 5: Set boundaries.
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Step 6: Try not to take things personally.
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Step 7: Observe others as they interact with the person in question.
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Step 8: Look for the positives.
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Step 9: Trust your instincts.
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Step 10: Keep your distance.
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Step 11: Disarm the situation before it gets out of control.
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Step 12: Switch topics during conversation.
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Step 13: Create a positive experience.
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Step 14: Be firm and upfront.
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Step 15: Never turn the other person into a victim.
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Step 16: Be assertive with a bully.
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Step 17: Know when to walk away.
Detailed Guide
Think of ways to make dealing with him or her easier ahead of time rather than waiting until the moment you have to meet.
Rely on logic and reason when dealing with the other person instead of relying on emotion.
Avoid complacency in your interactions.
Intentionally deciding to make the best of a situation can help you prevent it from turning worse, but if you let things develop naturally, things are more likely to turn out worse after all.
The only feelings and thoughts you have control over are your own.
When interacting with people you don't like, stay calm and focus on thinking positively.
If you sense your mood turning sour, quickly pull yourself out of it to avoid turning the situation into a major meltdown.
If the issue is important enough to discuss later, giving yourself a "cool down" period might give you a chance to analyze what the other person said or did to make you so upset while giving you a chance to figure out how you need to approach that person later to avoid getting quite so flustered. , Ask yourself why you don't like the people you don't like.
You might have a valid reason for not liking someone, or the problem between the two of you might lie entirely on your shoulders.
Usually, though, both of you will have some role to play, and you need to be honest with yourself about the truth of the situation.
When analyzing the reason for your dislike, ask yourself specific questions, like:
Is the problem the individual or someone else who he or she reminds me of? Am I afraid of becoming like this person or do I recognize a negative character trait of my own in this person? Is my dislike for this person due to a prejudice I have against a larger group of people? , Know how much you are willing to take and don't be afraid to draw the boundary somewhere.
Even if you want to be a patient, understanding person, it is perfectly okay to admit to things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy.
Figuring out how much you can take before losing your cool can help defuse a situation before it turns explosive.
You're entitled to your own personal space, and if others are invading it, you do have the right to protect that space.
Even drawing mental boundaries can help you determine when to take a stand and when to let things slide, and the more willing you are to take a stand for yourself, the less likely you are to clash with the person you find yourself at odds with., Sometimes a person will intentionally pick on you, but in most cases, people you don't like will not be going out of their way to upset you.
If the problem between you and another person deals with his or her personality, you need to understand that the other person does not mean for you to take their actions as a personal insult.
A good way to figure out if this is a part of that person's personality or not is to watch how he or she behaves with other people.
If the behavior is similar to the type of behavior he or she shows you, you probably don't need to take those actions personally. , If you do not know how to deal with someone, watch others and see how they deal with that person.
In doing so, you have a chance to see what works and what doesn't without having to experiment yourself.
Even if the people you watch cannot deal with a difficult person well, you can still get a good idea of certain actions that will not work when dealing with that person.
Viewing the situation objectively can often give you a new and helpful perspective. , You will very seldom run across someone with no redeeming qualities.
Even if the positive qualities a person possesses are buried under layers of unpleasantness, identify at least one or two positives and focus on those traits so that you might come to appreciate the other person better.
By figuring out positive character traits of someone you don't like, you might be able to think of a context in which that person would not be quite as hard to tolerate. , Even though you should generally try to get alone with people you don't like, if something about a specific individual leaves you feeling threatened in some way, don't be afraid to listen to your gut.For example, if you recognize that a coworker has a habit of stealing credit for others' ideas or work, you would do well to avoid taking on projects with that person.
Similarly, if you're a girl and a guy you know frequently intimidates you physically or makes unwanted advances, you would do well to avoid him. , If you can afford to stay away from someone you don't like, doing just that might actually be the best thing for everyone involved.
Try not to be too obvious in your efforts to ignore him or her, though, since any rudeness you demonstrate is likely to be returned later on.
Staying away from someone for a while can also help you become more objective about the relationship between you both since you will not need to directly face the personality quirks that usually make you upset. , If you have to deal with people you don't like and the conversation is quickly going downhill, find a point on which you can sympathize to stop them in their tracks.
Doing so can defuse any hostility building in the other people, thereby making your interaction with them slightly more tolerable.
This point is especially important if the feeling of dislike is mutual and you often find yourself getting into arguments with the object of your hostility.
Even if the other person tries to pick a fight, it will be hard for him or her to do so if you are in agreement. , If someone you don't like has brought up a topic of conversation that annoys or frustrates you, switching topics can minimize the annoyance you feel and make it easier to deal with him or her.
When changing topics, make sure that the topic you change to is happy or neutral.
You also need to make the transition naturally instead of abruptly.
Telling someone outright that you no longer want to hear what he or she wants to say about a particular issue will do nothing but make that person even angrier at you. , It can be a bit tricky, but if you can gradually build up positive experiences and interactions with a person you don't like, you can change your own attitude and make it easier to deal with that person long-term.
Even brief positive interactions are better than none at all.
If possible, switch settings to more neutral grounds when trying to create positive experiences.
If you continually interact with each other in the same setting, the setting itself could contribute to an overall mood of hostility. , When all else fails, try letting the person you don't like know what your boundaries are and politely coax them into abiding by those boundaries.
If someone crosses the line, firmly but kindly ask him or her to stop.
Chances are, if the person does not mean to be malicious, he or she will be willing to ease off some if you ask politely.
There are tactful ways to go about this.
For instance, if you do not want to sacrifice a lot of time dealing with someone you don't like, you can let that person know at the start of the conversation that you only have 5 or 10 minutes to spare.
If someone you don't like does not respect the boundaries you set, you have the right to be firm about telling him or her to back off.
Offer a gentle reminder at first, and if that does not work, seriously remind them and take action to show that you are serious.
For instance, if that person keeps talking after you told him or her you no longer have time, repeat yourself and walk away. , Try not to lose your temper, even if the other person intentionally pushes all your buttons and tries to work you into a fury.
The moment you cave into the temptation to put that person in his or her place, you give that person the upper-hand by demonstrating a behavior that can be used against you and in his or her defense.
If your behavior is always calm, respectful, and polite, other people are more likely to believe your side of the story if a major conflict ever erupts between you and the person you have trouble with. , Oftentimes, people are hard to deal with just because of a conflicting personalities.
When you don't like someone because he or she bullies you, though, the entire situation changes.
Do not let yourself become a total pushover.
Push back, but just enough to communicate that you will not stand for abuse and not enough to start a conflict on your own.
Escalating the situation by becoming argumentative or defensive can make things worse.
If, on the other hand, you calmly put your foot down and refuse to back down when someone tries to bully you into something you don't want, the situation may result in bad feelings on both ends, but the person in question might lose interest and stop pestering you. , You can try every trick in the book, but sometimes, there is nothing you can do to make interacting with people you don't like any easier to tolerate.
If they refuse to respect you or try to agitate you further, the best thing you can do for everyone is simply to remove yourself from the situation.
Try to be polite about it.
Instead of abruptly walking away or saying that you can't stand to be around them any longer, excuse yourself and claim that you are tired or have something you need to attend to that requires you to leave early.
About the Author
Kelly Long
Creates helpful guides on crafts to inspire and educate readers.
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