How to Deal With Rude People
Stay calm., Be direct., Use humor., Be polite., Have a civilized conversation., Use “I” statements as opposed to “you” statements., Talk to them in private., Don't overthink the situation.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Stay calm.
Confronting the person won’t work if you’re angry and aggressive.
If you feel upset or frazzled by a rude comment the person said to you, take a few deep breaths before approaching them.
The more flustered you look, the less they will listen to what you have to say.
Spend a moment thinking carefully about what you will say beforehand instead of impulsively yelling at the person.
They will be less likely to argue back if you show that their rude comment has not fazed you.
Being the bigger person means that you are confident and in control of your emotions.
Don't engage them in any sort of physical fight or argument
- this will also only worsen the situation.
If you’re worried you might lash out, have a friend with you to keep you in check. -
Step 2: Be direct.
Avoid beating around the bush or being passive-aggressive.
Face them square on, make eye contact, and cut straight to chase about what it is they did that upset you.
They can’t learn from their mistake if they don’t know what they did.
If someone cuts in front of you in line at the grocery store, don’t let out a dramatic sigh and roll your eyes hoping that they will notice.
Address them directly by saying, “Excuse me, but I think I was in front of you in line” or “I’m sorry, but the line starts back there.” , If you feel uncomfortable directly calling someone out on their rudeness in a serious way, incorporate humor to diffuse the tension.
If someone is loudly munching on their sandwich and making a mess next to you on the subway, smile and casually say something like, “Wow, you’re really enjoying that, aren’t you?” with a laugh.
If they don’t get the point, follow up with, “Would you mind chewing a little less loudly?” Make sure your humor is light-hearted and not passive-aggressive or sarcastic.
Stay friendly and smile.
You want your comment to come off as a joke that the both of you can laugh about, not a sassy comment that fires off an argument. , The best way to fight rudeness is with kindness.
Be the bigger person and don’t stoop down to their level by being rude in return.Keep your tone of voice respectful and not sassy.
Smile.
Use please and thank you.
These words can go a long way.
For example, try saying, "Please stop, I find that rude and insulting.
I don't appreciate your behavior," or "There's no need for such comments here.
Thank you.” Oftentimes, people who are rude have something bothering them.
Their rudeness might be a cry for help, or they might be searching for an empathetic ear.
If you know the person well enough, ask them if something is bothering them or if they need help.
Make sure it does not come off as being sarcastic, however.
Try saying something like “I’ve noticed you’ve been acting more lately.
Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”, If the person insulted you personally or said something that you strongly disagree with, politely state your opinion or ask them why they are behaving this way.
Try to understand their perspective by saying, “I find what you just said to be rude and disrespectful… what makes you say that?” This could launch a healthy discussion or debate
- but make sure it doesn’t spiral out of hand.
If it “does” turn into a heated argument and person continues to be rude and disrespectful, walk away.
Realize you’ve done all you can and let it go.
Remember that some people are dead-set on their opinions.
It isn’t possible for everyone to agree on everything, and sometimes even if you try, you won’t be able to change their mind. , “You” statements point the blame and accusations to the listener, which might make them defensive.
Instead, express to them how their actions make you feel personally.If a relative keeps making comments about your weight, try saying something like, “When you say those things about my body, I feel insecure and down about myself,” as opposed to “You are so annoying and rude.” , No one likes to be singled out in front of others when they are at fault.
If a person is being rude to you when you’re in a group, try to wait until you can talk to them one-on-one.If a friend is making racist or sexist comments during a group conversation at lunchtime, wait until the others have left or offer to walk with them to class so you can discuss it privately.
Or, text them later and say, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Do you have a minute after school?” Talking in private also prevents other friends from taking sides in the conflict, which only worsens the situation and could potentially create a divide in your friend group., If you've confronted someone about their behavior and things haven't improved, accept that you've done as much as you possibly could to improve relations with them.
You can’t make someone be polite if they want to be rude, and it is not your responsibility to try to “fix” them.
In fact, trying too hard to force a change in their behavior will often make them behave worse instead of better.
Sometimes you just have to accept people’s rudeness, realize it is not your fault, and let them find their own solutions. -
Step 3: Use humor.
-
Step 4: Be polite.
-
Step 5: Have a civilized conversation.
-
Step 6: Use “I” statements as opposed to “you” statements.
-
Step 7: Talk to them in private.
-
Step 8: Don't overthink the situation.
Detailed Guide
Confronting the person won’t work if you’re angry and aggressive.
If you feel upset or frazzled by a rude comment the person said to you, take a few deep breaths before approaching them.
The more flustered you look, the less they will listen to what you have to say.
Spend a moment thinking carefully about what you will say beforehand instead of impulsively yelling at the person.
They will be less likely to argue back if you show that their rude comment has not fazed you.
Being the bigger person means that you are confident and in control of your emotions.
Don't engage them in any sort of physical fight or argument
- this will also only worsen the situation.
If you’re worried you might lash out, have a friend with you to keep you in check.
Avoid beating around the bush or being passive-aggressive.
Face them square on, make eye contact, and cut straight to chase about what it is they did that upset you.
They can’t learn from their mistake if they don’t know what they did.
If someone cuts in front of you in line at the grocery store, don’t let out a dramatic sigh and roll your eyes hoping that they will notice.
Address them directly by saying, “Excuse me, but I think I was in front of you in line” or “I’m sorry, but the line starts back there.” , If you feel uncomfortable directly calling someone out on their rudeness in a serious way, incorporate humor to diffuse the tension.
If someone is loudly munching on their sandwich and making a mess next to you on the subway, smile and casually say something like, “Wow, you’re really enjoying that, aren’t you?” with a laugh.
If they don’t get the point, follow up with, “Would you mind chewing a little less loudly?” Make sure your humor is light-hearted and not passive-aggressive or sarcastic.
Stay friendly and smile.
You want your comment to come off as a joke that the both of you can laugh about, not a sassy comment that fires off an argument. , The best way to fight rudeness is with kindness.
Be the bigger person and don’t stoop down to their level by being rude in return.Keep your tone of voice respectful and not sassy.
Smile.
Use please and thank you.
These words can go a long way.
For example, try saying, "Please stop, I find that rude and insulting.
I don't appreciate your behavior," or "There's no need for such comments here.
Thank you.” Oftentimes, people who are rude have something bothering them.
Their rudeness might be a cry for help, or they might be searching for an empathetic ear.
If you know the person well enough, ask them if something is bothering them or if they need help.
Make sure it does not come off as being sarcastic, however.
Try saying something like “I’ve noticed you’ve been acting more lately.
Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”, If the person insulted you personally or said something that you strongly disagree with, politely state your opinion or ask them why they are behaving this way.
Try to understand their perspective by saying, “I find what you just said to be rude and disrespectful… what makes you say that?” This could launch a healthy discussion or debate
- but make sure it doesn’t spiral out of hand.
If it “does” turn into a heated argument and person continues to be rude and disrespectful, walk away.
Realize you’ve done all you can and let it go.
Remember that some people are dead-set on their opinions.
It isn’t possible for everyone to agree on everything, and sometimes even if you try, you won’t be able to change their mind. , “You” statements point the blame and accusations to the listener, which might make them defensive.
Instead, express to them how their actions make you feel personally.If a relative keeps making comments about your weight, try saying something like, “When you say those things about my body, I feel insecure and down about myself,” as opposed to “You are so annoying and rude.” , No one likes to be singled out in front of others when they are at fault.
If a person is being rude to you when you’re in a group, try to wait until you can talk to them one-on-one.If a friend is making racist or sexist comments during a group conversation at lunchtime, wait until the others have left or offer to walk with them to class so you can discuss it privately.
Or, text them later and say, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Do you have a minute after school?” Talking in private also prevents other friends from taking sides in the conflict, which only worsens the situation and could potentially create a divide in your friend group., If you've confronted someone about their behavior and things haven't improved, accept that you've done as much as you possibly could to improve relations with them.
You can’t make someone be polite if they want to be rude, and it is not your responsibility to try to “fix” them.
In fact, trying too hard to force a change in their behavior will often make them behave worse instead of better.
Sometimes you just have to accept people’s rudeness, realize it is not your fault, and let them find their own solutions.
About the Author
Alexander Williams
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow cooking tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: