How to Deal With Someone Who Doesn't Want to Be With You
Don't panic., Once you're alone, freak out., After you freak out, reel yourself in., Decide if you still want this person in your life., Once you've made your decision, talk to him and make sure he understands where you're coming from and why you've...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don't panic.
When you're in the moment, play it cool and say something along the lines of, "Oh, I didn't realize you felt that way.
I just remembered _____(insert important thing here)_____ so I have to go." Or, "I appreciate your honesty.
But actually, I just realized _________(excuse to leave)______ can we actually talk about this a little later?" Or if you're on the phone even a quick, "Oh no, my cat set itself on fire, I'll have to call you back." is better than breaking down.
After you've made your excuses, get away quick.
The point is to get yourself out of their eyesight and earshot so you can freak out in private. -
Step 2: Once you're alone
Cry, feel sad, angry, confused, hurt, and maybe even a little psycho.
Fantasize about stabbing that ex that he is like, totally obviously still in contact with.
Get all of those emotions out in the open.
Really, just freak out for a little bit. , Think about what it is that made you fall so hard for this guy.
Was it his smile? His compassion? Was he extremely fit? Recognize that several of these things are traits you can find in another person.
Someone who wants you in return.
Evaluate the situation and then make a decision whether or not you can handle the situation you are now in. , Can you be with him knowing that he doesn't want a relationship with you? Is it better to revert to friendship without the benefits? These are things you have to decide on.
If you are okay with being friends with benefits, you have to be so knowing that someday they are going to date someone else and the "benefits" are going to have to stop. If you can't handle being friends with benefits, can you handle being friends? It all depends on your level of comfort--you might have to be his friend knowing that he's going to date and potentially marry someone.
Can you accept the fact that it won't be you? If not, you might want to start weaning yourself off of having him in your life. , It is unfair to hold a grudge on him just because he was (brutally) honest with you.
If you want to remain friends with benefits, you can tell him that you like what you have and until one of you finds someone else, you think you've got a good thing going and don't want to lose it.
If you want to revert to just being friends, you have to tell him that you really care about him, and that you personally can't handle anything more than just being friends with him right now.
If he's a good person and cares about you too, then he will understand.
Lastly, if you can't handle having him in your life anymore, you need to tell him why.
Tell him that it just hurts a little too much and you need some space.
You will always care about him, and you really enjoyed what you two had while it lasted, but you want something that he just can't give to you and you just want him to be happy.
If that's not with you, then you'd rather have yourselves both move on than try to force something that's just not going to happen. , It might be hard, but whatever you decide on, you can't just change because of a whim.
Ultimately, it was better that he was honest with you from the get-go, because it allows you to move on without damaging the past you had with him.
Everything happens for a reason, even if it's just becoming a stronger, more confident person in the end. -
Step 3: freak out.
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Step 4: After you freak out
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Step 5: reel yourself in.
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Step 6: Decide if you still want this person in your life.
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Step 7: Once you've made your decision
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Step 8: talk to him and make sure he understands where you're coming from and why you've made the decision you did.
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Step 9: Stick with your decision.
Detailed Guide
When you're in the moment, play it cool and say something along the lines of, "Oh, I didn't realize you felt that way.
I just remembered _____(insert important thing here)_____ so I have to go." Or, "I appreciate your honesty.
But actually, I just realized _________(excuse to leave)______ can we actually talk about this a little later?" Or if you're on the phone even a quick, "Oh no, my cat set itself on fire, I'll have to call you back." is better than breaking down.
After you've made your excuses, get away quick.
The point is to get yourself out of their eyesight and earshot so you can freak out in private.
Cry, feel sad, angry, confused, hurt, and maybe even a little psycho.
Fantasize about stabbing that ex that he is like, totally obviously still in contact with.
Get all of those emotions out in the open.
Really, just freak out for a little bit. , Think about what it is that made you fall so hard for this guy.
Was it his smile? His compassion? Was he extremely fit? Recognize that several of these things are traits you can find in another person.
Someone who wants you in return.
Evaluate the situation and then make a decision whether or not you can handle the situation you are now in. , Can you be with him knowing that he doesn't want a relationship with you? Is it better to revert to friendship without the benefits? These are things you have to decide on.
If you are okay with being friends with benefits, you have to be so knowing that someday they are going to date someone else and the "benefits" are going to have to stop. If you can't handle being friends with benefits, can you handle being friends? It all depends on your level of comfort--you might have to be his friend knowing that he's going to date and potentially marry someone.
Can you accept the fact that it won't be you? If not, you might want to start weaning yourself off of having him in your life. , It is unfair to hold a grudge on him just because he was (brutally) honest with you.
If you want to remain friends with benefits, you can tell him that you like what you have and until one of you finds someone else, you think you've got a good thing going and don't want to lose it.
If you want to revert to just being friends, you have to tell him that you really care about him, and that you personally can't handle anything more than just being friends with him right now.
If he's a good person and cares about you too, then he will understand.
Lastly, if you can't handle having him in your life anymore, you need to tell him why.
Tell him that it just hurts a little too much and you need some space.
You will always care about him, and you really enjoyed what you two had while it lasted, but you want something that he just can't give to you and you just want him to be happy.
If that's not with you, then you'd rather have yourselves both move on than try to force something that's just not going to happen. , It might be hard, but whatever you decide on, you can't just change because of a whim.
Ultimately, it was better that he was honest with you from the get-go, because it allows you to move on without damaging the past you had with him.
Everything happens for a reason, even if it's just becoming a stronger, more confident person in the end.
About the Author
Donald Price
Brings years of experience writing about pet care and related subjects.
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