How to Deal with "Type A" Personalities
Don’t compete., Be patient and don’t take things personally., Set limits., Communicate and compromise.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don’t compete.
Type A personalities can be very competitive, even with spouses and partners.
They often lack self-esteem and carry a sense of dread, seeing any failure as a personal fault.
Failure can therefore hit them hard and lead in some to depression or withdrawal.
For the sake of your relationship, avoid competing with your Type A partner if at all possible – competition can lead to a toxic mix of inadequacy, jealousy, and resentment.Make it clear that you are not – and do not want to be – in competition with your partner.
Type As may self-compare and develop of sense of being the “competent” member of the relationship, making it hard to celebrate a spouse’s success or have a relationship of equals.
Tell your spouse what you’re noticing and that you’re not interested, i.e. “You seem to keep score between us, and that’s not what I want.
I want to work as teammate, not as competitors.” Give gentle encouragement and feedback – Type A personalities can be very sensitive to criticism.
Praise your partner and encourage gratitude, while avoiding the negative. -
Step 2: Be patient and don’t take things personally.
Type A personalities are also often perfectionists and can be very critical of others, including spouses, when they perceive a failure.
Try not to get drawn into your partner’s critiques or take them to heart.
They are really more about his own feelings of anxiety and self-worth than about you.Develop techniques to keep your cool, if you often find yourself becoming impatient.
Try counting to 100 before you respond or taking a walk around the block.
Also try to replace impatient responses with patient ones – like consciously speaking in a measured voice or writing your thoughts on paper instead of speaking.
It helps to try to understand what makes your partner tick.
Type A personalities and perfectionists are often trying to mask other emotions; they may have had chaotic childhoods or are dealing with feelings of abandonment and micromanage to gain a sense of control.
When your partner, say, criticizes you over a minor point like the way you fold the bath towels, try to see it as a reflection of these emotions rather than a personal attack. , A Type A personality’s assertiveness, perfectionism, and competitiveness can make them very controlling.
Be ready to stand up for yourself.
Be clear that you have boundaries and then set and uphold limits on your partner’s behavior.
At the same time, don’t try to control the controller.
Be assertive rather than becoming involved in power-struggles.Focus on high-priority issues.
Take a stand on things that you really care about, like children’s schooling, rather than minor issues like the toothpaste tube.
Be calm and clear in upholding your limits, i.e. “I appreciate your advice, but I really want to do this my own way.” Be willing to repeat yourself, and share your feelings and tell your partner when he’s hurt you. , Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but especially with a Type A personality.
It is a two-way street, as well.
Type As often assume they know best, but they will have to be willing to compromise for both parties to be happy.
You can’t be the only one making allowances.Be honest but loving when communicating with your partner.
Try to make him see that there is more than one “right way” to do things.
For example, your method of cleaning the floors might be less efficient but it still does the job just as well.
Try to negotiate such things as housework and parenting styles, too.
For example, you might agree to clean the bathroom every week, but insist that you can only do the laundry every other week. -
Step 3: Set limits.
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Step 4: Communicate and compromise.
Detailed Guide
Type A personalities can be very competitive, even with spouses and partners.
They often lack self-esteem and carry a sense of dread, seeing any failure as a personal fault.
Failure can therefore hit them hard and lead in some to depression or withdrawal.
For the sake of your relationship, avoid competing with your Type A partner if at all possible – competition can lead to a toxic mix of inadequacy, jealousy, and resentment.Make it clear that you are not – and do not want to be – in competition with your partner.
Type As may self-compare and develop of sense of being the “competent” member of the relationship, making it hard to celebrate a spouse’s success or have a relationship of equals.
Tell your spouse what you’re noticing and that you’re not interested, i.e. “You seem to keep score between us, and that’s not what I want.
I want to work as teammate, not as competitors.” Give gentle encouragement and feedback – Type A personalities can be very sensitive to criticism.
Praise your partner and encourage gratitude, while avoiding the negative.
Type A personalities are also often perfectionists and can be very critical of others, including spouses, when they perceive a failure.
Try not to get drawn into your partner’s critiques or take them to heart.
They are really more about his own feelings of anxiety and self-worth than about you.Develop techniques to keep your cool, if you often find yourself becoming impatient.
Try counting to 100 before you respond or taking a walk around the block.
Also try to replace impatient responses with patient ones – like consciously speaking in a measured voice or writing your thoughts on paper instead of speaking.
It helps to try to understand what makes your partner tick.
Type A personalities and perfectionists are often trying to mask other emotions; they may have had chaotic childhoods or are dealing with feelings of abandonment and micromanage to gain a sense of control.
When your partner, say, criticizes you over a minor point like the way you fold the bath towels, try to see it as a reflection of these emotions rather than a personal attack. , A Type A personality’s assertiveness, perfectionism, and competitiveness can make them very controlling.
Be ready to stand up for yourself.
Be clear that you have boundaries and then set and uphold limits on your partner’s behavior.
At the same time, don’t try to control the controller.
Be assertive rather than becoming involved in power-struggles.Focus on high-priority issues.
Take a stand on things that you really care about, like children’s schooling, rather than minor issues like the toothpaste tube.
Be calm and clear in upholding your limits, i.e. “I appreciate your advice, but I really want to do this my own way.” Be willing to repeat yourself, and share your feelings and tell your partner when he’s hurt you. , Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but especially with a Type A personality.
It is a two-way street, as well.
Type As often assume they know best, but they will have to be willing to compromise for both parties to be happy.
You can’t be the only one making allowances.Be honest but loving when communicating with your partner.
Try to make him see that there is more than one “right way” to do things.
For example, your method of cleaning the floors might be less efficient but it still does the job just as well.
Try to negotiate such things as housework and parenting styles, too.
For example, you might agree to clean the bathroom every week, but insist that you can only do the laundry every other week.
About the Author
Doris King
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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