How to Develop a Thick Skin
Think before reacting., Separate criticism from insult., See if you have room for improvement., Look at the bigger picture., Resolve to make it into something positive.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Think before reacting.
When you receive a negative comment, your first reaction is probably defensiveness.
The urge to react in anger or run to the bathroom and cry might arise.
You may even blush or begin to sweat.
Letting yourself think before acting puts you in control.
You can't control how a comment makes you feel, but you can control how you react to it.Take a moment to let the first wave of emotion wash over you.
Let yourself feel it, then wait for it to subside.
Do not react until that initial flush of defensiveness is gone.
It may help to actually count to ten before you say anything.
If you're alone, you can count out loud.
If you're with someone else, count silently.
Ten seconds is usually enough time to clear your head. -
Step 2: Separate criticism from insult.
A criticism is usually related to something separate from you.
For example, your teacher might tell you your writing needs improvement.
While it might be hurtful to hear this statement, it doesn't imply that there's anything wrong with you.
An insult, on the other hand, is when someone cuts you down for who you are.
It's usually related to something you can't change.
Criticism serves a positive function, while insult is meant to cause pain.Take the context of the comment into account.
Did the person who said it mean well? Was it delivered by a person you respect in a position to critique you, like your teacher, boss or parents? Or was the person trying to hurt you? Confusing criticism with insult commonly leads to overreaction.
Being able to separate the two will help you develop a thicker skin at school, work and in other places where valid criticism can be given. , Did the person who criticized you have a point? It's hard to swallow, but maybe the comment was valid.
If you know that there's truth in the critique, try to accept it instead of getting defensive.
Accepting criticism with humility instead of instantly rejecting it may help you improve.It's also possible that the critique is dead wrong.
Still, there's no need to overreact.
It's just one person's opinion, after all.
Speaking of opinions, it might help to get a second one.
This can help you establish whether you actually have room for improvement. , Having perspective will help you get through the day without getting too emotional.
Remember, there's nothing wrong with feeling that initial wave of anger, sadness or defensiveness when you first receive a criticism.
However, you shouldn't let emotions drag you down for the rest of the day.
In the larger context of your day, week, month or year, one comment isn't going to mean much.
If it seems impossible to put it into perspective, just tell yourself to wait it out until tomorrow.
The pain really will fade after a day or two.
In the meantime, distract yourself.
Spend time with a friend, watch a good movie or exercise the thoughts away. , The best possible way to react to criticism is to use it as an incentive to take action.
If you can't get it off of your mind, decide to do something about it.
Replace those negative feelings with feelings of accomplishment.
For example, if you received a critical review of a report you wrote, consider revising the report with the critique in mind.
Without dwelling on the criticism, keep it in mind and resolve to do better next time. -
Step 3: See if you have room for improvement.
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Step 4: Look at the bigger picture.
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Step 5: Resolve to make it into something positive.
Detailed Guide
When you receive a negative comment, your first reaction is probably defensiveness.
The urge to react in anger or run to the bathroom and cry might arise.
You may even blush or begin to sweat.
Letting yourself think before acting puts you in control.
You can't control how a comment makes you feel, but you can control how you react to it.Take a moment to let the first wave of emotion wash over you.
Let yourself feel it, then wait for it to subside.
Do not react until that initial flush of defensiveness is gone.
It may help to actually count to ten before you say anything.
If you're alone, you can count out loud.
If you're with someone else, count silently.
Ten seconds is usually enough time to clear your head.
A criticism is usually related to something separate from you.
For example, your teacher might tell you your writing needs improvement.
While it might be hurtful to hear this statement, it doesn't imply that there's anything wrong with you.
An insult, on the other hand, is when someone cuts you down for who you are.
It's usually related to something you can't change.
Criticism serves a positive function, while insult is meant to cause pain.Take the context of the comment into account.
Did the person who said it mean well? Was it delivered by a person you respect in a position to critique you, like your teacher, boss or parents? Or was the person trying to hurt you? Confusing criticism with insult commonly leads to overreaction.
Being able to separate the two will help you develop a thicker skin at school, work and in other places where valid criticism can be given. , Did the person who criticized you have a point? It's hard to swallow, but maybe the comment was valid.
If you know that there's truth in the critique, try to accept it instead of getting defensive.
Accepting criticism with humility instead of instantly rejecting it may help you improve.It's also possible that the critique is dead wrong.
Still, there's no need to overreact.
It's just one person's opinion, after all.
Speaking of opinions, it might help to get a second one.
This can help you establish whether you actually have room for improvement. , Having perspective will help you get through the day without getting too emotional.
Remember, there's nothing wrong with feeling that initial wave of anger, sadness or defensiveness when you first receive a criticism.
However, you shouldn't let emotions drag you down for the rest of the day.
In the larger context of your day, week, month or year, one comment isn't going to mean much.
If it seems impossible to put it into perspective, just tell yourself to wait it out until tomorrow.
The pain really will fade after a day or two.
In the meantime, distract yourself.
Spend time with a friend, watch a good movie or exercise the thoughts away. , The best possible way to react to criticism is to use it as an incentive to take action.
If you can't get it off of your mind, decide to do something about it.
Replace those negative feelings with feelings of accomplishment.
For example, if you received a critical review of a report you wrote, consider revising the report with the critique in mind.
Without dwelling on the criticism, keep it in mind and resolve to do better next time.
About the Author
Judith Edwards
Creates helpful guides on pet care to inspire and educate readers.
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