How to Discuss Self Injury with Others
Don't pretend you haven't got a problem., Identify the reasons behind your episodes., Choose the people you will confide in., Meet somewhere the both of you will be comfortable and safe., Don't beat around the bush., Allow time to let your confidant...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don't pretend you haven't got a problem.
Self-injury is very dangerous, and you should try to stop as soon as possible.
One danger connected with self-injury is that it tends to become an addictive behavior, a habit that is difficult to break even when you want to stop.
It's best to put an end to it as early as possible. -
Step 2: Identify the reasons behind your episodes.
Determine what in particular makes triggers negative emotions.
Perhaps a certain feeling (sadness, anger, etc), or maybe an action (physical abuse).
Remember, you might have more than one trigger.
Write down all that you've found out, and keep the list for later. , It is very important to choose carefully; be sure to confide in someone who you know will help you.
Whether it's your neighbour, your grandmother, your teacher, or your boss, make sure whomever you choose won't break your trust.
Once you have someone in mind, ask if you could meet when they can spare some time to talk about something important to you. , Set aside a lot of time, and make sure the person you're going to talk to has a lot of time on to spare, as well.
It is important not to rush the conversation.
If this means leaving your house and going somewhere more private, do so, but make sure it is a place that you both will feel comfortable talking. , Keep it simple and to the point.
Don't try to figure out how to introduce the topic; just say it. "I've been self injuring, and I needed to tell someone." You'll find that the conversation flows from there. , You can expect all sorts of reactions, ranging from tears, to disbelief, to disappointment, to anger.
Give them a few minutes to understand the situation, and if necessary, show them evidence of your behaviour.
You don't need to show every scar, but show enough to give an honest impression of the situation. , Allow yourself to express your emotions.
You've been keeping your self-injury a secret for some time, now, and it's perfectly understandable if you start crying during the conversation.
The aim of opening up about this is to relieve some emotional pressure; if you keep your emotions bottled up while you talk about your problem, you're defeating the purpose. , During and after the conversation, you need to make sure both of you are as at ease as you possibly can be in a situation like this.
Stay close to each other, hug, pause the conversation to take things in, and stop to explain anything that your confidant has trouble understanding. , The person you've confided in will likely want to know things like how long you've been hurting yourself, what triggers you (this is where the list might come in handy), why you do it, your methods, and if they're at fault.
You can answer one or all the questions, so long as you are comfortable in doing so.
If you don't know the answer, say so.
An example answer might be, "I hurt myself because everything feels so out of control.
It's the one way I have to be in control, and it helps me focus on one thing, instead of being overwhelmed by everything."
The person can be a shoulder to cry on; you might be able to go to them instead of hurting yourself; and they might be able to offer support after you've hurt yourself.
Maybe the person will be able to help you find a mental health professional who will talk you through this difficult time in your life. , Usually, you won't have to ask them to keep your behaviour confidential
- in most cases, they won't tell a soul.
However, it doesn't hurt to remind them that very few people (if any) know that you hurt yourself. , It was hard to talk about it, but you did it.
You're not alone, anymore, and things are going to get easier from this point onward. -
Step 3: Choose the people you will confide in.
-
Step 4: Meet somewhere the both of you will be comfortable and safe.
-
Step 5: Don't beat around the bush.
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Step 6: Allow time to let your confidant take it in.
-
Step 7: Don't be afraid to cry.
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Step 8: Comfort each other.
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Step 9: Allow them to ask questions.
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Step 10: Expect them to offer help.
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Step 11: Request that your secret be kept between the two of you.
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Step 12: Be proud of yourself for having the courage to open up about your self-injury.
Detailed Guide
Self-injury is very dangerous, and you should try to stop as soon as possible.
One danger connected with self-injury is that it tends to become an addictive behavior, a habit that is difficult to break even when you want to stop.
It's best to put an end to it as early as possible.
Determine what in particular makes triggers negative emotions.
Perhaps a certain feeling (sadness, anger, etc), or maybe an action (physical abuse).
Remember, you might have more than one trigger.
Write down all that you've found out, and keep the list for later. , It is very important to choose carefully; be sure to confide in someone who you know will help you.
Whether it's your neighbour, your grandmother, your teacher, or your boss, make sure whomever you choose won't break your trust.
Once you have someone in mind, ask if you could meet when they can spare some time to talk about something important to you. , Set aside a lot of time, and make sure the person you're going to talk to has a lot of time on to spare, as well.
It is important not to rush the conversation.
If this means leaving your house and going somewhere more private, do so, but make sure it is a place that you both will feel comfortable talking. , Keep it simple and to the point.
Don't try to figure out how to introduce the topic; just say it. "I've been self injuring, and I needed to tell someone." You'll find that the conversation flows from there. , You can expect all sorts of reactions, ranging from tears, to disbelief, to disappointment, to anger.
Give them a few minutes to understand the situation, and if necessary, show them evidence of your behaviour.
You don't need to show every scar, but show enough to give an honest impression of the situation. , Allow yourself to express your emotions.
You've been keeping your self-injury a secret for some time, now, and it's perfectly understandable if you start crying during the conversation.
The aim of opening up about this is to relieve some emotional pressure; if you keep your emotions bottled up while you talk about your problem, you're defeating the purpose. , During and after the conversation, you need to make sure both of you are as at ease as you possibly can be in a situation like this.
Stay close to each other, hug, pause the conversation to take things in, and stop to explain anything that your confidant has trouble understanding. , The person you've confided in will likely want to know things like how long you've been hurting yourself, what triggers you (this is where the list might come in handy), why you do it, your methods, and if they're at fault.
You can answer one or all the questions, so long as you are comfortable in doing so.
If you don't know the answer, say so.
An example answer might be, "I hurt myself because everything feels so out of control.
It's the one way I have to be in control, and it helps me focus on one thing, instead of being overwhelmed by everything."
The person can be a shoulder to cry on; you might be able to go to them instead of hurting yourself; and they might be able to offer support after you've hurt yourself.
Maybe the person will be able to help you find a mental health professional who will talk you through this difficult time in your life. , Usually, you won't have to ask them to keep your behaviour confidential
- in most cases, they won't tell a soul.
However, it doesn't hurt to remind them that very few people (if any) know that you hurt yourself. , It was hard to talk about it, but you did it.
You're not alone, anymore, and things are going to get easier from this point onward.
About the Author
Judith Davis
Judith Davis specializes in lifestyle and practical guides and has been creating helpful content for over 2 years. Judith is committed to helping readers learn new skills and improve their lives.
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