How to Express Your Emotional Pain the Healthy Way
Find a counselor., Keep an open mind., Be open with whoever is willing to help you., Talk to a friend or family member., Try to avoid confronting someone when you're already angry., Remember to listen.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Find a counselor.
Given the stigma surrounding mental health treatment, you may feel hesitant to seek counseling services.
Don’t be.
Feelings of sadness and anger are common and unavoidable, but when those feelings are negatively affecting your day-to-day life you may need a therapist to help you work through your thought processes to understand why you feel the way that you do.
Ask friends or family for counselor recommendations.
While you may be hesitant to disclose to others that you are seeking therapy, you could find a valuable resource.
You may even be able to have a great discussion about the process of going to counseling with someone whose opinion you value.
Search for a therapist in your area.
Depending on where you live, you might have numerous options for a counselor, and you might have very few.
In either case, you go find a directory of counselors in your area by visiting the website for the National Board for Certified Counselors.
If you'd rather find a counselor based on a personal recommendation, ask your doctor for a referral. -
Step 2: Keep an open mind.
When you are experiencing intense emotions, you sometimes lose the ability to accurately see what is motivating those feelings.
In these times, it’s helpful to have a trained professional to help you analyze the situation.
Be aware of feelings of resistance while talking to your counselor.
Inevitably, there will be times when you'll feel misunderstood or as if your therapist doesn't understand why you feel so strongly about certain things.
Remember that your therapist can see the situation more clearly than you can. , Don't worry about trying to make your counselor think that you're a normal, well-adjusted person.
They can only help you if they understand how you process your emotions and think about them.
Your counselor is the one person with whom you should feel comfortable saying every ugly or embarrassing things you'd be hesitant to say to anyone else.
Ask questions.
If, at any point, you feel confused about why you're feeling the way you do or how you should react in certain situations, ask your therapist for feedback.
He or she is there to give you feedback and to help you monitor your thoughts and feelings, and asking questions will help both of you clarify what is important for your treatment. , In some situations, such as feeling sadness over the death of a loved one, you probably have friends and family who are feeling many of the same emotions that you are.
Be brave.
Though it might be scary to express those feelings to loved ones, it could be helpful for both you and them to acknowledge the situation.
After doing so, you won’t feel quite so alone.
Be careful, however: in situations where you are expressing anger toward someone, it’s possible that they’ll respond with anger, as well.
If that happens, don't allow your emotions to escalate.
Simply take a deep breath and walk away until you can continue your conversation calmly.
Getting into a screaming match isn't going to make anyone feel better.
Speak honestly but tactfully.
Especially if you're confronting a friend or family member about something that bothers you, try to approach them with calm and humility.
Say something such as, "I was wondering if we could talk.
There's something I'd like to get off my chest, and I'm hoping that I can be honest with you."
That leads to conversations where you might say something such as, "You need to listen, because I'm really angry with you because of what you did." That will only make the person you're talking to defensive. , When you're expressing strong emotions, it's easy to start talking over the other person, while never listening to what he or she is saying.
You'll possibly come off as uncaring and arrogant, and you won't have the possibility of clearing up any misunderstandings because you won't hear what the other person is saying. -
Step 3: Be open with whoever is willing to help you.
-
Step 4: Talk to a friend or family member.
-
Step 5: Try to avoid confronting someone when you're already angry.
-
Step 6: Remember to listen.
Detailed Guide
Given the stigma surrounding mental health treatment, you may feel hesitant to seek counseling services.
Don’t be.
Feelings of sadness and anger are common and unavoidable, but when those feelings are negatively affecting your day-to-day life you may need a therapist to help you work through your thought processes to understand why you feel the way that you do.
Ask friends or family for counselor recommendations.
While you may be hesitant to disclose to others that you are seeking therapy, you could find a valuable resource.
You may even be able to have a great discussion about the process of going to counseling with someone whose opinion you value.
Search for a therapist in your area.
Depending on where you live, you might have numerous options for a counselor, and you might have very few.
In either case, you go find a directory of counselors in your area by visiting the website for the National Board for Certified Counselors.
If you'd rather find a counselor based on a personal recommendation, ask your doctor for a referral.
When you are experiencing intense emotions, you sometimes lose the ability to accurately see what is motivating those feelings.
In these times, it’s helpful to have a trained professional to help you analyze the situation.
Be aware of feelings of resistance while talking to your counselor.
Inevitably, there will be times when you'll feel misunderstood or as if your therapist doesn't understand why you feel so strongly about certain things.
Remember that your therapist can see the situation more clearly than you can. , Don't worry about trying to make your counselor think that you're a normal, well-adjusted person.
They can only help you if they understand how you process your emotions and think about them.
Your counselor is the one person with whom you should feel comfortable saying every ugly or embarrassing things you'd be hesitant to say to anyone else.
Ask questions.
If, at any point, you feel confused about why you're feeling the way you do or how you should react in certain situations, ask your therapist for feedback.
He or she is there to give you feedback and to help you monitor your thoughts and feelings, and asking questions will help both of you clarify what is important for your treatment. , In some situations, such as feeling sadness over the death of a loved one, you probably have friends and family who are feeling many of the same emotions that you are.
Be brave.
Though it might be scary to express those feelings to loved ones, it could be helpful for both you and them to acknowledge the situation.
After doing so, you won’t feel quite so alone.
Be careful, however: in situations where you are expressing anger toward someone, it’s possible that they’ll respond with anger, as well.
If that happens, don't allow your emotions to escalate.
Simply take a deep breath and walk away until you can continue your conversation calmly.
Getting into a screaming match isn't going to make anyone feel better.
Speak honestly but tactfully.
Especially if you're confronting a friend or family member about something that bothers you, try to approach them with calm and humility.
Say something such as, "I was wondering if we could talk.
There's something I'd like to get off my chest, and I'm hoping that I can be honest with you."
That leads to conversations where you might say something such as, "You need to listen, because I'm really angry with you because of what you did." That will only make the person you're talking to defensive. , When you're expressing strong emotions, it's easy to start talking over the other person, while never listening to what he or she is saying.
You'll possibly come off as uncaring and arrogant, and you won't have the possibility of clearing up any misunderstandings because you won't hear what the other person is saying.
About the Author
Gary Freeman
Specializes in breaking down complex DIY projects topics into simple steps.
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