How to Get Along With a Preteen
Let them know you'll be there for them., If your preteen girl gets her period, don't make a huge deal out of it., Remember, she is still a kid., Occasionally do things together., Don't criticize your preteen., Don't judge them., Never play...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Let them know you'll be there for them.
With a preteen's new hormones, body development, the new pressure to fit in, more bullying and peer pressure, it's no surprise that they'll likely need some support.
Although it might sound like second nature to go to a parent, for a preteen with these new problems it can be difficult to go to a parent, especially if they think they may be judged or punished.
However, if the child seems not to want to talk about something, it's not your fault; it can actually be good for them to solve problems on their own.
If the child has unexplained scars, marks or bruises; seems sad or upset even when something good happens; shows sign of an eating disorder; or is showing signs that (s)he may be abused, then it's time to step in.Take him\her to a doctor and get rid of the root problem.
They will likely be mad, but they'll thank you for it in the future. -
Step 2: If your preteen girl gets her period
If you stress over it too much she'll think it's a scary, unnatural thing.
If you tell every one she might be humiliated.
It might be natural, but the fact that it happens from inside her body embarrasses her. , You can expect more responsibility out of them, but don't force responsibility that should be given to a teen or adult unless you are 100% sure that they can handle it and that they don't mind.
What they should do:
Turn in schoolwork, study, clean their room etc.
What they might have to wait till they are older:
Babysitting, taking care of a baby while you sleep etc. , For a preteen, it can be more relaxing than trying to talk to you with everyone else around, and can strengthen the bond. , Nobody wants to be called fat, ugly, bad etc.
But do offer positive criticism.
Example:
Positive:
That's a great top you're wearing.
Maybe it would look good with a scarf.
Negative:
That's an ugly shirt.
Try a scarf. , Just because your child is goth doesn't mean they are about to kill themselves. , There is a fine line between being fair and playing favorites.
If they are the ones being favored, they might become spoiled or self-centered and may struggle keeping their spot.
If they are not being favored, they will have lower self-esteem and be more sensitive.
It also puts them at risk for depression.
Playing Favorites:
Giving one child more gifts or attention, a less severe punishment even though they did the same thing, giving them different bedtimes even though they are the same age etc.
Being Fair:
Giving more attention to a much younger child or baby, giving them an earlier bedtime than older siblings, etc , Don't spoil them but don't be the only person to not give them a present on their birthday.
When punishing, do not make it too harsh. , Preteens need privacy just as teens do.
But if they are in privacy more than a few hours a day or skipping meals take them to a doctor.
It might be a serious problem. , If they get a bad grade, just tell them you're there to help them if they need it.
If they accidentally drop your favorite cup, tell them it's okay and you know it's not their fault. , Expecting them to be respectful and responsible is good.
Pushing them to become someone else is not. , There's nothing wrong with expecting at least a few A's on a report card.
But expecting all A's is setting standards too high; they will struggle often and will think they are not good enough for you. , Parents like this often want the best for their children, but they may end up causing more harm than good.
Keep a close eye on them, but allow some freedom.
Let them make little decisions once in a while.
A good example is to give them an allowance and see if they spend it wisely. , Get messy in the mud, eat ice cream, or just have fun. -
Step 3: don't make a huge deal out of it.
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Step 4: Remember
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Step 5: she is still a kid.
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Step 6: Occasionally do things together.
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Step 7: Don't criticize your preteen.
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Step 8: Don't judge them.
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Step 9: Never play favorites.
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Step 10: Always be fair.
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Step 11: Give them privacy when asked.
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Step 12: Don't punish them for accidents.
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Step 13: Don't push them into being a different person.
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Step 14: Don't set expectations too high.
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Step 15: Avoid being an overprotective parent.
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Step 16: Occasionally let your inner child out.
Detailed Guide
With a preteen's new hormones, body development, the new pressure to fit in, more bullying and peer pressure, it's no surprise that they'll likely need some support.
Although it might sound like second nature to go to a parent, for a preteen with these new problems it can be difficult to go to a parent, especially if they think they may be judged or punished.
However, if the child seems not to want to talk about something, it's not your fault; it can actually be good for them to solve problems on their own.
If the child has unexplained scars, marks or bruises; seems sad or upset even when something good happens; shows sign of an eating disorder; or is showing signs that (s)he may be abused, then it's time to step in.Take him\her to a doctor and get rid of the root problem.
They will likely be mad, but they'll thank you for it in the future.
If you stress over it too much she'll think it's a scary, unnatural thing.
If you tell every one she might be humiliated.
It might be natural, but the fact that it happens from inside her body embarrasses her. , You can expect more responsibility out of them, but don't force responsibility that should be given to a teen or adult unless you are 100% sure that they can handle it and that they don't mind.
What they should do:
Turn in schoolwork, study, clean their room etc.
What they might have to wait till they are older:
Babysitting, taking care of a baby while you sleep etc. , For a preteen, it can be more relaxing than trying to talk to you with everyone else around, and can strengthen the bond. , Nobody wants to be called fat, ugly, bad etc.
But do offer positive criticism.
Example:
Positive:
That's a great top you're wearing.
Maybe it would look good with a scarf.
Negative:
That's an ugly shirt.
Try a scarf. , Just because your child is goth doesn't mean they are about to kill themselves. , There is a fine line between being fair and playing favorites.
If they are the ones being favored, they might become spoiled or self-centered and may struggle keeping their spot.
If they are not being favored, they will have lower self-esteem and be more sensitive.
It also puts them at risk for depression.
Playing Favorites:
Giving one child more gifts or attention, a less severe punishment even though they did the same thing, giving them different bedtimes even though they are the same age etc.
Being Fair:
Giving more attention to a much younger child or baby, giving them an earlier bedtime than older siblings, etc , Don't spoil them but don't be the only person to not give them a present on their birthday.
When punishing, do not make it too harsh. , Preteens need privacy just as teens do.
But if they are in privacy more than a few hours a day or skipping meals take them to a doctor.
It might be a serious problem. , If they get a bad grade, just tell them you're there to help them if they need it.
If they accidentally drop your favorite cup, tell them it's okay and you know it's not their fault. , Expecting them to be respectful and responsible is good.
Pushing them to become someone else is not. , There's nothing wrong with expecting at least a few A's on a report card.
But expecting all A's is setting standards too high; they will struggle often and will think they are not good enough for you. , Parents like this often want the best for their children, but they may end up causing more harm than good.
Keep a close eye on them, but allow some freedom.
Let them make little decisions once in a while.
A good example is to give them an allowance and see if they spend it wisely. , Get messy in the mud, eat ice cream, or just have fun.
About the Author
Joseph Diaz
Writer and educator with a focus on practical hobbies knowledge.
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