How to Get over an Ex Who You Lost Your Virginity to at a Young Age
Accept your feelings., Get some perspective., Avoid negative self-talk., Be realistic about the future., Try to contain the grief.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Accept your feelings.
At the end of any relationship, there will be a period of grieving.
You have suffered a loss, and so for a while, you are going to feel deeply sad.
Accept and allow this.
Take some time to cry and process what has happened.With major emotional experiences, psychologists say that our "firsts" are usually more memorable and continue to have emotional power throughout our lives.
This means it's going to take some time to get over your ex.
It also means you will probably never forget him.Rather than trying to forget, just accept your feelings as they are. -
Step 2: Get some perspective.
By the same token, while emotional firsts are powerful, it is possible to exaggerate their importance.
In our culture, losing one's virginity is often viewed as a major turning point in life, but for most people it really isn't a defining moment.After you've had a few days to grieve, try to put things in perspective.
You are the same person you were before you lost your virginity.
Keep in mind, too, that you get to define what the important romantic and sexual moments in your life are.
If you don't want to look back at this as the sexual experience of your life, you don't have to.
You've had one experience with one person, but a different type of sexual experience with someone else may be more special later.
The "big moment" for you may not have happened yet. , For many people, when a relationship ends, there is a tendency to think negative thoughts about themselves.
This is especially true if you are not the person who chose to end the relationship.
These feelings of rejection can lead to negative self-talk.If you feel rejected by your ex, you might be telling yourself it happened because you are not good enough or not attractive enough.
You might be telling yourself you won't find happiness again.
If you've lost your virginity to someone and then been rejected, these ideas can be hard to push aside.
If you notice yourself thinking these thoughts, try to replace them with more positive ideas.
Your ex may not want to be with you anymore, but others will.
Her rejection of you doesn't make you a lesser person in any way. , When you're ready to start thinking about the future, there are two realities you should try to keep in mind.
First, you will find happiness again.
Second, you and your ex must go your own ways.Try to be realistic about your possibilities for future happiness.
You were happy before this happened, and you will be happy again.
In your life, you will love other people.
Try not to dwell on thoughts about getting back together with your ex someday.
Young love is powerful, but in most cases, doesn't last.
You and your ex are both at a point in your lives where you are changing quickly and still discovering who you are.
These changes usually push young people apart.
It's no one's fault, and all you can do about it is move on with your life and allow your ex to do the same. , For your own sake, try to limit the amount of time you spend grieving your ex.
After a few days, if you can start setting your grief apart from other parts of your life, you can start to get past it.For example, you might decided that you are going to spend no more than an hour a day grieving your loss.
Maybe you'll set aside two blocks of 30 minutes where you allow yourself to really feel the pain, but after that, go do something else that will keep your mind occupied.
After a while, try cutting down to two 15 minute blocks.
Some people find that putting their pain in an imaginary box that they open on a routine schedule starts to make that pain boring.
Eventually, this can help you to lose interest in these sad feelings and get on with life. -
Step 3: Avoid negative self-talk.
-
Step 4: Be realistic about the future.
-
Step 5: Try to contain the grief.
Detailed Guide
At the end of any relationship, there will be a period of grieving.
You have suffered a loss, and so for a while, you are going to feel deeply sad.
Accept and allow this.
Take some time to cry and process what has happened.With major emotional experiences, psychologists say that our "firsts" are usually more memorable and continue to have emotional power throughout our lives.
This means it's going to take some time to get over your ex.
It also means you will probably never forget him.Rather than trying to forget, just accept your feelings as they are.
By the same token, while emotional firsts are powerful, it is possible to exaggerate their importance.
In our culture, losing one's virginity is often viewed as a major turning point in life, but for most people it really isn't a defining moment.After you've had a few days to grieve, try to put things in perspective.
You are the same person you were before you lost your virginity.
Keep in mind, too, that you get to define what the important romantic and sexual moments in your life are.
If you don't want to look back at this as the sexual experience of your life, you don't have to.
You've had one experience with one person, but a different type of sexual experience with someone else may be more special later.
The "big moment" for you may not have happened yet. , For many people, when a relationship ends, there is a tendency to think negative thoughts about themselves.
This is especially true if you are not the person who chose to end the relationship.
These feelings of rejection can lead to negative self-talk.If you feel rejected by your ex, you might be telling yourself it happened because you are not good enough or not attractive enough.
You might be telling yourself you won't find happiness again.
If you've lost your virginity to someone and then been rejected, these ideas can be hard to push aside.
If you notice yourself thinking these thoughts, try to replace them with more positive ideas.
Your ex may not want to be with you anymore, but others will.
Her rejection of you doesn't make you a lesser person in any way. , When you're ready to start thinking about the future, there are two realities you should try to keep in mind.
First, you will find happiness again.
Second, you and your ex must go your own ways.Try to be realistic about your possibilities for future happiness.
You were happy before this happened, and you will be happy again.
In your life, you will love other people.
Try not to dwell on thoughts about getting back together with your ex someday.
Young love is powerful, but in most cases, doesn't last.
You and your ex are both at a point in your lives where you are changing quickly and still discovering who you are.
These changes usually push young people apart.
It's no one's fault, and all you can do about it is move on with your life and allow your ex to do the same. , For your own sake, try to limit the amount of time you spend grieving your ex.
After a few days, if you can start setting your grief apart from other parts of your life, you can start to get past it.For example, you might decided that you are going to spend no more than an hour a day grieving your loss.
Maybe you'll set aside two blocks of 30 minutes where you allow yourself to really feel the pain, but after that, go do something else that will keep your mind occupied.
After a while, try cutting down to two 15 minute blocks.
Some people find that putting their pain in an imaginary box that they open on a routine schedule starts to make that pain boring.
Eventually, this can help you to lose interest in these sad feelings and get on with life.
About the Author
Theresa Morgan
Creates helpful guides on hobbies to inspire and educate readers.
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