How to Get Through a Miscarriage
Forgive yourself., Try your hardest to find out why the miscarriage occurred., Stop stressing!, Identify why you're so upset about having the miscarriage in the first place., Know that everything happens for a reason., Talk to other women who have...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Forgive yourself.
Having a miscarriage is often a chromosomal problem & usually has nothing to do with any neglect on the mother's part.
Either way, some women have a way of blaming themselves for the miscarriage & rather or not they have valid reason to, the first thing to do FOR yourself is to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself if you've been told (by a doctor) that your actions or negligence has caused the miscarriage and/or if this is not the case, forgive yourself for even thinking so. -
Step 2: Try your hardest to find out why the miscarriage occurred.
The best way to find these answers are through the doctors that have alerted you of the miscarriage and/or treated you for the miscarriage.
A lot of doctors will inform you that even if they had caught the problem, there was probably nothing they could do.
But sometimes, if there is a specific cause (example: tilted uterus, cysts on ovaries, smoking, too much stress, etc.) it's best to know these causes because it'll give you some breathing room to know & understand why the pregnancy didn't work out and/Or any treatment that could prevent further miscarriages.
If your doctor cannot identify why the miscarriage occurred or IS occurring, consider this a good thing, thus the chances of the miscarriage happening from specific health conditions or actions from the mother (smoking, drinking, smoking, not eating healthy, etc.) was highly unlikely.
There is always a chance that your doctor can fix or treat any specific problem that might have/be causing your body to reject the pregnancy., Not only will your body literally be experiencing some physical changes and/or discomfort, but your mental state will also be off balance too.
If you've had a D&C procedure after the miscarriage, understand that the best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to rest.
Don't focus too much on the physical pain.
If granted permission by your doctor, take whatever over-the-counter or prescription medications to help ease the physical discomfort.
Remember that your hormones were already imbalanced & raging all over the place from being pregnant in the first place, so understand that even after a miscarriage, those same hormones may not go back to normal right away.
It's normal to experience even more severe moodiness and/or irritability.
If you understand the changes & the fixing that's being done inside of your body, it will make things go smoother for you, emotionally as well as physically. , Did you desperately want to have a baby? Have you had previous miscarriages before & prayed that this pregnancy would not end in the same result? Are you over the age of 35 & afraid that your time for having a successful pregnancy is running out? Did you want to have the baby for the wrong reason(s)? What future consequences or strife will come from having the miscarriage? Are you just freaked out that the pregnancy wasn't successful (whether the pregnancy was planned or not)? Either way, it's important that you are HONEST with yourself about what's bothering you the MOST in losing the pregnancy.
Remember, you can't solve/fix the puzzle if you don't have all the pieces. , Everyone will tell you this & most of the time we are told this during the times that we absolutely do NOT want to hear this.
But have you ever wondered why people use this phrase so often when they hear of miscarriages? It's because this phrase is literally true.
Miscarriages aren't always life-ruining for women; sometimes miscarriages are eye-openers for women: her chance to start over & to protect herself, specifically if the pregnancy was unplanned & unwanted in the first place; her chance to evaluate if she was in a relationship or situation with the right presumed child's father anyway; her chance to learn about medical conditions or problems that she wouldn't have been aware of had she not had the miscarriage; her ability to learn about herself & see her plans of her own future through tough & vulnerable times; etc. , Sometimes others in your life won't understand where all of your grief & stressing over the loss is coming from.
Miscarriage affects every woman differently & usually tends to have the longest & most traumatic affects on the women who were previously depressed or not happy with their lives way before the pregnancy was known of.
It's easy to shut off & to feel even more hurt after seeing how others can sometimes use the phrase, "get over it" too loosely.
Talking to other women who've experienced miscarriages will, if anything make you understand & see that you are not alone.
You'd be surprised at how many other women have experienced the same grief you are experiencing & how similar their stories of the pain and/or moving on are quite similar to your own story.
As with anything, it's always best to interact and/or connect with others who have been through the same ordeal you've been through.
Even those who've gone through this before are very helpful in providing further tips on how to cope, forgive yourself & move on. , As with anything in life, if you keep reminding yourself that you've encountered great loss, eventually these thoughts will start to consume you & take over/control your emotions.
There is no such a thing as too much grief in any loss, but understand that in order for others to support you the way you deserve, they must first be able to come to you with open arms to help you.
And this means being rational & calm enough to express your emotions & make it possible for others to try to intervene & help you.
There is always a gain from any loss, even with miscarriages.
Make a list of all the things you will/can gain from having the miscarriage.
After all, you might gain knowledge of any problems/medical conditions you wouldn't have known about had the miscarriage not occurred; you can gain the ability to release some old emotions that were suppressed in other situations, that willingly decided to come out during the miscarriage, thus adding to healing from more than just the miscarriage; you can gain clarity on your current relationship/friendship with the presumed father of the child (after all, every man will show his true colors for the best or for the worst when he finds out that the pregnancy test came out positive); and best of all, you might have gained a better appreciation for life, including for your own. , Be patient with your body after the miscarriage, as your body is preparing to heal from the damage/rejection of the pregnancy, thus eventually going back to normal.
Hang around positive friends (specifically the friends who've shared your experience), keep up with your normal routines & take up an extra hobby to keep your mind off of things.
You don't have to exercise your body too death, but at least keep your physical self in top shape, as this will be very important & essential for the next time you become pregnant.
Go on a road trip with friends or by yourself.
Meditate.
Spend hours listening to your favorite music.
Do some research on how to get yourself back in top shape like before.
There are a million things you can do to physically persuade your hormones to go back to normal.
Instead of surrendering to your emotions, take the control back. -
Step 3: Stop stressing!
-
Step 4: Identify why you're so upset about having the miscarriage in the first place.
-
Step 5: Know that everything happens for a reason.
-
Step 6: Talk to other women who have experienced miscarriages.
-
Step 7: Think gain instead of loss.
-
Step 8: Get some rest.
Detailed Guide
Having a miscarriage is often a chromosomal problem & usually has nothing to do with any neglect on the mother's part.
Either way, some women have a way of blaming themselves for the miscarriage & rather or not they have valid reason to, the first thing to do FOR yourself is to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself if you've been told (by a doctor) that your actions or negligence has caused the miscarriage and/or if this is not the case, forgive yourself for even thinking so.
The best way to find these answers are through the doctors that have alerted you of the miscarriage and/or treated you for the miscarriage.
A lot of doctors will inform you that even if they had caught the problem, there was probably nothing they could do.
But sometimes, if there is a specific cause (example: tilted uterus, cysts on ovaries, smoking, too much stress, etc.) it's best to know these causes because it'll give you some breathing room to know & understand why the pregnancy didn't work out and/Or any treatment that could prevent further miscarriages.
If your doctor cannot identify why the miscarriage occurred or IS occurring, consider this a good thing, thus the chances of the miscarriage happening from specific health conditions or actions from the mother (smoking, drinking, smoking, not eating healthy, etc.) was highly unlikely.
There is always a chance that your doctor can fix or treat any specific problem that might have/be causing your body to reject the pregnancy., Not only will your body literally be experiencing some physical changes and/or discomfort, but your mental state will also be off balance too.
If you've had a D&C procedure after the miscarriage, understand that the best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to rest.
Don't focus too much on the physical pain.
If granted permission by your doctor, take whatever over-the-counter or prescription medications to help ease the physical discomfort.
Remember that your hormones were already imbalanced & raging all over the place from being pregnant in the first place, so understand that even after a miscarriage, those same hormones may not go back to normal right away.
It's normal to experience even more severe moodiness and/or irritability.
If you understand the changes & the fixing that's being done inside of your body, it will make things go smoother for you, emotionally as well as physically. , Did you desperately want to have a baby? Have you had previous miscarriages before & prayed that this pregnancy would not end in the same result? Are you over the age of 35 & afraid that your time for having a successful pregnancy is running out? Did you want to have the baby for the wrong reason(s)? What future consequences or strife will come from having the miscarriage? Are you just freaked out that the pregnancy wasn't successful (whether the pregnancy was planned or not)? Either way, it's important that you are HONEST with yourself about what's bothering you the MOST in losing the pregnancy.
Remember, you can't solve/fix the puzzle if you don't have all the pieces. , Everyone will tell you this & most of the time we are told this during the times that we absolutely do NOT want to hear this.
But have you ever wondered why people use this phrase so often when they hear of miscarriages? It's because this phrase is literally true.
Miscarriages aren't always life-ruining for women; sometimes miscarriages are eye-openers for women: her chance to start over & to protect herself, specifically if the pregnancy was unplanned & unwanted in the first place; her chance to evaluate if she was in a relationship or situation with the right presumed child's father anyway; her chance to learn about medical conditions or problems that she wouldn't have been aware of had she not had the miscarriage; her ability to learn about herself & see her plans of her own future through tough & vulnerable times; etc. , Sometimes others in your life won't understand where all of your grief & stressing over the loss is coming from.
Miscarriage affects every woman differently & usually tends to have the longest & most traumatic affects on the women who were previously depressed or not happy with their lives way before the pregnancy was known of.
It's easy to shut off & to feel even more hurt after seeing how others can sometimes use the phrase, "get over it" too loosely.
Talking to other women who've experienced miscarriages will, if anything make you understand & see that you are not alone.
You'd be surprised at how many other women have experienced the same grief you are experiencing & how similar their stories of the pain and/or moving on are quite similar to your own story.
As with anything, it's always best to interact and/or connect with others who have been through the same ordeal you've been through.
Even those who've gone through this before are very helpful in providing further tips on how to cope, forgive yourself & move on. , As with anything in life, if you keep reminding yourself that you've encountered great loss, eventually these thoughts will start to consume you & take over/control your emotions.
There is no such a thing as too much grief in any loss, but understand that in order for others to support you the way you deserve, they must first be able to come to you with open arms to help you.
And this means being rational & calm enough to express your emotions & make it possible for others to try to intervene & help you.
There is always a gain from any loss, even with miscarriages.
Make a list of all the things you will/can gain from having the miscarriage.
After all, you might gain knowledge of any problems/medical conditions you wouldn't have known about had the miscarriage not occurred; you can gain the ability to release some old emotions that were suppressed in other situations, that willingly decided to come out during the miscarriage, thus adding to healing from more than just the miscarriage; you can gain clarity on your current relationship/friendship with the presumed father of the child (after all, every man will show his true colors for the best or for the worst when he finds out that the pregnancy test came out positive); and best of all, you might have gained a better appreciation for life, including for your own. , Be patient with your body after the miscarriage, as your body is preparing to heal from the damage/rejection of the pregnancy, thus eventually going back to normal.
Hang around positive friends (specifically the friends who've shared your experience), keep up with your normal routines & take up an extra hobby to keep your mind off of things.
You don't have to exercise your body too death, but at least keep your physical self in top shape, as this will be very important & essential for the next time you become pregnant.
Go on a road trip with friends or by yourself.
Meditate.
Spend hours listening to your favorite music.
Do some research on how to get yourself back in top shape like before.
There are a million things you can do to physically persuade your hormones to go back to normal.
Instead of surrendering to your emotions, take the control back.
About the Author
Isabella Reynolds
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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