How to Get Your Guy to Communicate With You
Make talking safe., Get him talking., Practice mutual disclosure and responsibility., Touch him., Be a friend.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make talking safe.
Most guys are willing to communicate and would communicate more if they felt it was emotionally "safe" to do so.This is similar to how you might find it easier to talk about your feelings when you feel comfortable and don't feel threatened.
Guys are the same way.
Show him that no matter what, he can come to you and be open and honest with you without feeling judged.
Show him it is okay to be “real” by showing off your goofy, sad, silly, real self when you are with him.
Let him know that you are really interested in what he has to say and because of that you want to give him the space and time to say whatever he feels without the danger of it turning into an argument or fight. -
Step 2: Get him talking.
You want him to be able to come to you when he wants to talk, but you may be able to give him a little help by getting the conversation going.
You might find it awkward at first, but use that to help you understand that he may feel awkward about it as well.
Try these conversation starters to get things going.If he's a direct person, try asking him directly to talk to you or open up to you.
Sometimes the best route is to be clear and honest with him.
Try asking him open-ended questions, or questions that require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer.
They can be questions about something in the present or they can be philosophical questions.
Asking him his opinion on something you are struggling with or something a friend of yours is dealing with.
This will show him that you value his opinion and input.
Listen to his answers.
If you get him talking, let him talk and then intently listen to his answers.
Ask follow-up questions when he is finished , Your relationship is a team effort, so the communication in the relationship should be as well.
Chances are, right now it may feel more one-sided to you.
Be willing to share with your man everything you'd like him to share with you and be willing to take some of the responsibility when things go wrong.
If your guy feels like he is part of a team, he will be more willing to work with you and more open.
Disclosure refers to how much you are willing to tell your partner about yourself, what you are feeling, and what you are thinking.
In simpler terms, put into it what you want to get out of it.Mutual responsibility is about your view of the relationship and the maintenance of it.
In addition to the relationship being a team effort, the work put into maintaining it, as well as the responsibility if it falters should also be evenly doled out. , Men, like women, are often very guarded with their feelings, and don't want to look weak or vulnerable.
So if your guy comes to you venting about his bad day, a fear he has, or something else that could be perceived as a vulnerability, touch him as he talks to you so that he'll know you're sympathetic to what he's going through.Soon, he'll know that when he has an issue or is feeling vulnerable, he can trust you with his feelings and come to you for comfort.
Touch his hand or arm.
Sit close to him so your legs are touching.
Rub his neck or back. , The more he sees you as a friend (as well as a significant other) the more likely he is to feel comfortable opening up to you.
Be a friend by giving him the time to get comfortable talking to you.
In the meantime do activities he likes with him, even if they are not your favorite thing.
Show him that he is worth putting in the time to get to know. -
Step 3: Practice mutual disclosure and responsibility.
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Step 4: Touch him.
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Step 5: Be a friend.
Detailed Guide
Most guys are willing to communicate and would communicate more if they felt it was emotionally "safe" to do so.This is similar to how you might find it easier to talk about your feelings when you feel comfortable and don't feel threatened.
Guys are the same way.
Show him that no matter what, he can come to you and be open and honest with you without feeling judged.
Show him it is okay to be “real” by showing off your goofy, sad, silly, real self when you are with him.
Let him know that you are really interested in what he has to say and because of that you want to give him the space and time to say whatever he feels without the danger of it turning into an argument or fight.
You want him to be able to come to you when he wants to talk, but you may be able to give him a little help by getting the conversation going.
You might find it awkward at first, but use that to help you understand that he may feel awkward about it as well.
Try these conversation starters to get things going.If he's a direct person, try asking him directly to talk to you or open up to you.
Sometimes the best route is to be clear and honest with him.
Try asking him open-ended questions, or questions that require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer.
They can be questions about something in the present or they can be philosophical questions.
Asking him his opinion on something you are struggling with or something a friend of yours is dealing with.
This will show him that you value his opinion and input.
Listen to his answers.
If you get him talking, let him talk and then intently listen to his answers.
Ask follow-up questions when he is finished , Your relationship is a team effort, so the communication in the relationship should be as well.
Chances are, right now it may feel more one-sided to you.
Be willing to share with your man everything you'd like him to share with you and be willing to take some of the responsibility when things go wrong.
If your guy feels like he is part of a team, he will be more willing to work with you and more open.
Disclosure refers to how much you are willing to tell your partner about yourself, what you are feeling, and what you are thinking.
In simpler terms, put into it what you want to get out of it.Mutual responsibility is about your view of the relationship and the maintenance of it.
In addition to the relationship being a team effort, the work put into maintaining it, as well as the responsibility if it falters should also be evenly doled out. , Men, like women, are often very guarded with their feelings, and don't want to look weak or vulnerable.
So if your guy comes to you venting about his bad day, a fear he has, or something else that could be perceived as a vulnerability, touch him as he talks to you so that he'll know you're sympathetic to what he's going through.Soon, he'll know that when he has an issue or is feeling vulnerable, he can trust you with his feelings and come to you for comfort.
Touch his hand or arm.
Sit close to him so your legs are touching.
Rub his neck or back. , The more he sees you as a friend (as well as a significant other) the more likely he is to feel comfortable opening up to you.
Be a friend by giving him the time to get comfortable talking to you.
In the meantime do activities he likes with him, even if they are not your favorite thing.
Show him that he is worth putting in the time to get to know.
About the Author
Peter Bishop
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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