How to Heal from Domestic Abuse

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Cut off the abuser.

   You may feel pressure to “forgive” your abuser, either from yourself or from your family or community.
   
   However, real forgiveness is done for your sake, not the other person’s.
   
   You can choose not to hold on to the burden of anger at the other person without allowing him/her back into your life.
   
   It’s difficult to obtain closure, which is necessary for healing, unless you sever ties with the person(s) who abused you., You may have heard abuse so often that your brain has accepted it as “true” or “natural.” When you find yourself thinking negative things about yourself, stop for a moment and challenge those negative thoughts.
   
   Find a positive thing to say, dispute a negative thought with logic, or reframe a thought in a helpful way.You may find yourself thinking negative things about yourself or your appearance.
   
   Try to focus on finding things that you love and admire about yourself.
   
   Make it a challenge to find one new positive thing each day.
   
   Adjusting how you think about yourself takes time, but consistently choosing to focus on the positives can help.
   
   You may find yourself using totalizing language about yourself, such as “I’m such a mess” or “I’m a loser.” These statements aren’t true, and they’re not fair to you.
   
   Instead, focus on the specifics of the situation and think about ways you can address the situation in future: “I didn’t get as much done at work today as I wanted to.
   
   I can only do my best.
   
   Tomorrow I’ll focus on prioritizing the most important tasks.” You may find yourself catastrophizing, or exaggerating an unpleasant situation into the worst possible thing that could happen.
   
   For example, doing poorly on a test could become “I’m going to fail this class and I’ll have to drop out of college and then I’ll never get a good-paying job.” Keep your focus on the present moment, use logic to test these assumptions, and think constructively about what you can do to remedy the situation.
   
   For example, “I did poorly on that exam.
   
   This could impact my performance in the class, so I’ll join a study group to help me prepare better for the next one.
   
   I’ll also speak with the professor about extra credit.
   
   Doing badly on one exam isn’t going to destroy my career.” , Research has demonstrated that mindfulness meditation can have a positive effect on mental and physical health.It can reduce stress, relieve anxiety and depression, and strengthen the immune system.Several studies suggest that mindfulness meditation can help survivors of domestic abuse, even abuse that occurred in childhood.You can practice mindfulness meditation at home or in a class.Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.
   
   It should not be too cluttered or have distractions such as a TV or computer.Sit comfortably.
   
   Loosen any tight clothing.
   
   Rest your hands face-down on your thighs.
   
   Focus on your breath.
   
   Inhale through your nose slowly, focusing on how it feels to fill your lungs and abdomen with air.
   
   Exhale slowly through your mouth.
   
   Don’t worry too much about breathing “right.” Just focus on feeling your body as it breathes.
   
   If you notice your mind wandering, acknowledge it.
   
   You can say something like, “My mind just wandered” or “I was thinking about something else just now.” Don’t judge yourself for it.
   
   Return your focus to your breath.
   
   Don’t worry about getting “rid” of your thoughts.
   
   Mindfulness is about accepting the state of things as they are, without judgment.
   
   Stay in this moment for as long as feels comfortable. 15-20 minutes is often a good place to start. , Regular, moderate exercise can help relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, which are very common in abuse survivors.
   
   Swimming, jogging, biking, or doing any other type of exercise will help you feel stronger, healthier, and happier.Tai chi, a type of mind-body exercise with roots in Chinese tradition, combines gentle martial arts and meditation.
   
   It has been shown to have positive effects for people suffering from anxiety and depression.Yoga, which also incorporates meditation into its practice, has also been shown to help sufferers of depression and anxiety., It can be hard as a survivor of abuse to find things to be grateful for.
   
   It may even seem wrong or perverse to focus on gratitude when you have been hurt so deeply.
   
   However, several studies suggest that focusing on what you are grateful for in life can have a healing effect on victims of trauma.These effects take time to see.
   
   One study showed that it took an average of eight months for gratitude to produce any positive impact.
   
   Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean that you ignore the suffering you experienced.
   
   Instead, it means honoring that you have survived this trauma.
   
   You are strong.
   
   Practicing gratitude for your ability to survive and cope can help you build a psychological “immune system” against future stresses and trauma.Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean you’ll always feel grateful.
   
   You can’t control how you feel.
   
   Try practicing gratitude through actions, like recording good things or positive moments in a journal. , It can be easy to feel broken as a survivor of abuse.
   
   You may be so accustomed to hearing that you are “worthless” that you accept this as true, when it isn’t.
   
   Take the time to write down all the accomplishments you make each day, no matter how small.
   
   Honoring even the smallest achievement will help remind you that you’re strong, and you can heal.Nothing is too small to count! Cooking yourself a meal, reading a book, even getting out of bed are all accomplishments.
   
   Pamper yourself, too.
   
   Remember that you are a unique person worthy of respect and care.
   
   Treat yourself to a nice dinner, take a luxurious bubble bath, go to a movie and order an extra-large popcorn all to yourself
   -- do things that remind you that you’re worth it. , Many survivors of domestic abuse feel as though they have “lost” themselves.
   
   Abusers constantly humiliate and degrade their victims to keep them dependent on the abuser.
   
   You can help redevelop a sense of agency by developing interests on your own that fulfill you.Increasing your sense of agency, or your ability to care for yourself and take actions on your own, can also relieve depression and anxiety.Abusers often tell their victims that they’re stupid, worthless, or incapable of doing things on their own.
   
   Finding a new hobby, taking some classes in a new subject, learning a language, or anything else that can give you a sense of accomplishment can help remind you that you are in control and you’re capable of achievement. , Abuse focuses on disempowering and disconnecting its victims.
   
   Embracing sources of creative expression can be very empowering for survivors of abuse.
   
   It can help you feel like you have a voice and a way to express yourself.
   
   Consider learning to write poetry, compose music, or create art.Arts therapy can also be very helpful for children who have survived domestic abuse.
   
   Children are often unable to fully express themselves with words alone, but may find it easier to express their feelings through artistic creations.Formal “trauma-informed expressive arts therapy” has been shown to be helpful in treating PTSD., Healing from trauma and abuse takes time.
   
   Don’t expect yourself to heal overnight.
   
   Try not to judge yourself when you have “bad days” or experience negative feelings such as sadness or fear.
2. 2

   Step 2: Challenge negative self-talk.

3. 3

   Step 3: Try mindfulness meditation.

4. 4

   Step 4: Exercise regularly.

5. 5

   Step 5: Practice gratitude.

6. 6

   Step 6: Honor yourself.

7. 7

   Step 7: Develop interests on your own.

8. 8

   Step 8: Embrace creative outlets.

9. 9

   Step 9: Be patient with yourself.

Detailed Guide

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