How to Help People Dealing with the Death of a Loved One
Acknowledge that grieving is different for everyone., Recognize that either acceptance or denial is a natural response., Recognize the person's yearning for the loved one., Recognize anger as a way to cope with hurt., Watch for depression., Help the...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Acknowledge that grieving is different for everyone.
The grieving person may feel very different emotions from one day to the next, and from hour to hour.People experience grief in very different ways.
Some people may feel multiple emotions, such as denial or anger, at the same time.
Some people may take awhile to feel anything at all, experiencing a sense of numbness after loss.It is often more helpful to think of grief as a "roller coaster" instead of orderly stages.
People who have experienced a loss may seem completely accepting of it one day and in denial the next.
They may feel angry one moment and calm the next.
It is important to validate their feelings as natural responses to loss. -
Step 2: Recognize that either acceptance or denial is a natural response.
Although popular culture expects denial to be the first response to experiencing the loss of a loved one, research suggests otherwise.
Acceptance of the death is actually much more common an initial response than denial.However, it is also possible to experience shock or denial.
It all depends on the individual.
The duration of shock varies greatly among individuals and across circumstances.
It is important to give a person in this stage time to process information.
You should acknowledge the death, but it is not necessary to force others to acknowledge the death before they are ready to do so. , Research suggests that yearning for the lost loved one is a stronger initial response than disbelief, anger, or depression.This yearning may manifest itself as something like "I miss him so much" or "Life just isn't the same without her." The person may go back over old memories, photos, and other things tied to the lost loved one as a way to keep that connection alive.
This is natural.You can help by listening to these stories.
Encourage the person to share her memories, if she wants to.
You could even ask questions about the deceased, if the person seems interested in sharing.You can also assure the bereaved that she could not have prevented the death.
Yearning for the lost loved one may lead to bargaining, which we employ to help us feel like there is some way we can regain control and prevent future loss.Blaming oneself is a common initial response to bereavement.Bargaining statements often start with "I should have" or "If only." Remind the bereaved that events were not within her control., As the shock and hurt of the initial loss wears off, the bereaved may use anger to combat the pain.
Research suggests that feelings of anger increase between 1-5 months after a loss, and then gradually subside after that.The anger may be irrational and misplaced.
It may manifest as blaming a deity, fate, or themselves for the loss.
Do not minimize these feelings by using shaming language, such as "Don't be angry" or "Don't blame God." Validate the bereaved's feelings of anger by saying: "I'm sure that it's painful to go through what you're experiencing.
Anger seems natural to me."
Depressed mood is normal after a major loss and will not necessarily lead to Major Depressive Disorder.
Research suggests that depression may peak between 1-5 months after the loss.However, the initial shock of the loss may also cause depressive symptoms, such as mood swings, feelings of immense sadness, and trouble concentrating.If the bereaved has expressed a desire to harm him or herself or has completely withdrawn, these may be signs of Major Depressive Disorder, and you should contact a mental health professional., Mourning is a way of expressing and processing one's grief.
Some psychologists that there are particular tasks that people need to complete in order to feel some sense of acceptance and closure.
It should be stressed, though, that how each person completes these will be unique to them.Accept the reality of the loss:
Intellectual acceptance often happens quite early in the mourning process,but it can take a long time for the emotions to catch up.You can help this along by speaking (compassionately) about the loss.
Process grief and pain.
This can take a long time.
How each person processes grief is unique to them.
Adjust to a world without the loved one.
The types of adjustments include external (such as finding a new place to live or closing bank accounts), internal (redefining oneself apart from the relationship with the loved one), and spiritual (considering the impact of the loss on your worldview).
Find enduring connection with the loved one while going into a new life stage.
One common misconception about grief is that you should encourage people to "get over it."However, bereaved people may want to find a way to help them feel connected to their lost loved one, and that is natural.
Help find a way to remember your friend's loved one with a special memorial project, whether it's planting a tree, creating a scholarship or another meaningful activity.
At the same time, encourage the person to continue to discover new aspects of herself and what life means for her now. , Popular culture tends to insist that people "let it out" while grieving.
We usually believe that if you do not express your emotional reactions to a trauma, you will be unable to move on from it.
However, research suggests that this is not entirely true.
People experience and process grief in very different ways.
Do not try to force any emotional experience on them.
Studies about loss in general, and bereavement in particular, actually suggest that people who do not express negative emotions abut their loss may actually be less stressed and depressed six months later.
If the people you're trying to help want to express their feelings, support them, but don't pressure them to do so.
They may simply be using another valid way to cope. -
Step 3: Recognize the person's yearning for the loved one.
-
Step 4: Recognize anger as a way to cope with hurt.
-
Step 5: Watch for depression.
-
Step 6: Help the bereaved complete the tasks of mourning.
-
Step 7: Allow the person not to express anything at all.
Detailed Guide
The grieving person may feel very different emotions from one day to the next, and from hour to hour.People experience grief in very different ways.
Some people may feel multiple emotions, such as denial or anger, at the same time.
Some people may take awhile to feel anything at all, experiencing a sense of numbness after loss.It is often more helpful to think of grief as a "roller coaster" instead of orderly stages.
People who have experienced a loss may seem completely accepting of it one day and in denial the next.
They may feel angry one moment and calm the next.
It is important to validate their feelings as natural responses to loss.
Although popular culture expects denial to be the first response to experiencing the loss of a loved one, research suggests otherwise.
Acceptance of the death is actually much more common an initial response than denial.However, it is also possible to experience shock or denial.
It all depends on the individual.
The duration of shock varies greatly among individuals and across circumstances.
It is important to give a person in this stage time to process information.
You should acknowledge the death, but it is not necessary to force others to acknowledge the death before they are ready to do so. , Research suggests that yearning for the lost loved one is a stronger initial response than disbelief, anger, or depression.This yearning may manifest itself as something like "I miss him so much" or "Life just isn't the same without her." The person may go back over old memories, photos, and other things tied to the lost loved one as a way to keep that connection alive.
This is natural.You can help by listening to these stories.
Encourage the person to share her memories, if she wants to.
You could even ask questions about the deceased, if the person seems interested in sharing.You can also assure the bereaved that she could not have prevented the death.
Yearning for the lost loved one may lead to bargaining, which we employ to help us feel like there is some way we can regain control and prevent future loss.Blaming oneself is a common initial response to bereavement.Bargaining statements often start with "I should have" or "If only." Remind the bereaved that events were not within her control., As the shock and hurt of the initial loss wears off, the bereaved may use anger to combat the pain.
Research suggests that feelings of anger increase between 1-5 months after a loss, and then gradually subside after that.The anger may be irrational and misplaced.
It may manifest as blaming a deity, fate, or themselves for the loss.
Do not minimize these feelings by using shaming language, such as "Don't be angry" or "Don't blame God." Validate the bereaved's feelings of anger by saying: "I'm sure that it's painful to go through what you're experiencing.
Anger seems natural to me."
Depressed mood is normal after a major loss and will not necessarily lead to Major Depressive Disorder.
Research suggests that depression may peak between 1-5 months after the loss.However, the initial shock of the loss may also cause depressive symptoms, such as mood swings, feelings of immense sadness, and trouble concentrating.If the bereaved has expressed a desire to harm him or herself or has completely withdrawn, these may be signs of Major Depressive Disorder, and you should contact a mental health professional., Mourning is a way of expressing and processing one's grief.
Some psychologists that there are particular tasks that people need to complete in order to feel some sense of acceptance and closure.
It should be stressed, though, that how each person completes these will be unique to them.Accept the reality of the loss:
Intellectual acceptance often happens quite early in the mourning process,but it can take a long time for the emotions to catch up.You can help this along by speaking (compassionately) about the loss.
Process grief and pain.
This can take a long time.
How each person processes grief is unique to them.
Adjust to a world without the loved one.
The types of adjustments include external (such as finding a new place to live or closing bank accounts), internal (redefining oneself apart from the relationship with the loved one), and spiritual (considering the impact of the loss on your worldview).
Find enduring connection with the loved one while going into a new life stage.
One common misconception about grief is that you should encourage people to "get over it."However, bereaved people may want to find a way to help them feel connected to their lost loved one, and that is natural.
Help find a way to remember your friend's loved one with a special memorial project, whether it's planting a tree, creating a scholarship or another meaningful activity.
At the same time, encourage the person to continue to discover new aspects of herself and what life means for her now. , Popular culture tends to insist that people "let it out" while grieving.
We usually believe that if you do not express your emotional reactions to a trauma, you will be unable to move on from it.
However, research suggests that this is not entirely true.
People experience and process grief in very different ways.
Do not try to force any emotional experience on them.
Studies about loss in general, and bereavement in particular, actually suggest that people who do not express negative emotions abut their loss may actually be less stressed and depressed six months later.
If the people you're trying to help want to express their feelings, support them, but don't pressure them to do so.
They may simply be using another valid way to cope.
About the Author
Jack Wilson
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow pet care tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: