How to Keep Your Cool when You Are Criticized
Avoid a non-assertive response., Respond assertively., Agree with all, part, or none of it., Listen and ask questions., Don’t take it personally.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Avoid a non-assertive response.
Being aware of your non-assertive response to criticism is important because these behaviors are likely not acceptable, just as a violent response is unacceptable.
If you notice any of these behaviors after receiving criticism, pause, remove yourself from the situation if possible, and calm down until your responses have stopped.Becoming defensive Withdrawing Internalizing anger and stewing over the criticism Shutting down Retaliating with anger or blame -
Step 2: Respond assertively.
Ideally, you’ll respond assertively to criticism, the most balanced response possible, meaning that you can distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism and respond appropriately.
Rather than get defensive, place blame, yell at the other person, or turn the blame back to them, you accept the criticism for what it is and move on with no negative feelings.Responding assertively doesn’t mean that you agree with the criticizer.
Rather, it means you don’t have an emotional attachment to the criticism and respond appropriately.If the criticism is constructive and valid, your assertive response might simply be to accept the criticism or to accept it and openly agree with the other person, which shows self-confidence and willingness to change your behavior.
Another assertive response is to ask, “why do you say that?” in a non-accusatory way.
This indicates a genuine interest in their thought process and how you’re being received.
You might also disagree and say, “No, I do not always forget to empty the recycle bin, although I do forget on occasion.
Not always, though.” This shows that you take responsibility for your actions, but not sweeping generalizations. , You are under no obligation to accept criticism.
However, you might find there is a kernel of truth in what was said, you might actually agree with everything that was said, or none of it.
As long as you’re being honest with yourself about the content of the criticism, these are perfectly legitimate responses. , Listen to what the other person has to say – they might offer an insight or perspective that you hadn’t considered.
Pay attention to what they’re saying, not the tone of their voice, and don’t tune them out because you’re uncomfortable being criticized.
After they’ve spoken, ask follow up questions to clarify any points that you might be confused about.
This demonstrates that you earnestly listened and are considering what was said.Make sure that your questions aren’t antagonistic or designed to prove the speaker wrong. , Usually criticism is constructive and not intended to hurt the recipient.
Don’t take the criticism personally – it isn’t a character attack.
Instead, understand that it’s likely addressing a specific action or behavior or yours, and doesn’t reflect on you as a person.One great technique is to look for the positive.
Whether the criticism is valid or not, there is always something positive to be found.
Say your boss criticizes you for not arranging the files in a way that they think makes sense.
Sure, hearing that might feel rotten, but rather than take it personally, look for the positive – you get to develop an even better filing system that will universally work for everyone.
Another good way to not take criticism personally is to turn the meat of the criticism into “if” language.
Ask yourself what the main point of the criticism was.
Then, ask, “if” this were true, for example, if it were true that you were always late, how could you improve the situation? This allows you to emotionally distance yourself from the criticism and tackle the actual issue, if there is one. -
Step 3: Agree with all
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Step 4: or none of it.
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Step 5: Listen and ask questions.
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Step 6: Don’t take it personally.
Detailed Guide
Being aware of your non-assertive response to criticism is important because these behaviors are likely not acceptable, just as a violent response is unacceptable.
If you notice any of these behaviors after receiving criticism, pause, remove yourself from the situation if possible, and calm down until your responses have stopped.Becoming defensive Withdrawing Internalizing anger and stewing over the criticism Shutting down Retaliating with anger or blame
Ideally, you’ll respond assertively to criticism, the most balanced response possible, meaning that you can distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism and respond appropriately.
Rather than get defensive, place blame, yell at the other person, or turn the blame back to them, you accept the criticism for what it is and move on with no negative feelings.Responding assertively doesn’t mean that you agree with the criticizer.
Rather, it means you don’t have an emotional attachment to the criticism and respond appropriately.If the criticism is constructive and valid, your assertive response might simply be to accept the criticism or to accept it and openly agree with the other person, which shows self-confidence and willingness to change your behavior.
Another assertive response is to ask, “why do you say that?” in a non-accusatory way.
This indicates a genuine interest in their thought process and how you’re being received.
You might also disagree and say, “No, I do not always forget to empty the recycle bin, although I do forget on occasion.
Not always, though.” This shows that you take responsibility for your actions, but not sweeping generalizations. , You are under no obligation to accept criticism.
However, you might find there is a kernel of truth in what was said, you might actually agree with everything that was said, or none of it.
As long as you’re being honest with yourself about the content of the criticism, these are perfectly legitimate responses. , Listen to what the other person has to say – they might offer an insight or perspective that you hadn’t considered.
Pay attention to what they’re saying, not the tone of their voice, and don’t tune them out because you’re uncomfortable being criticized.
After they’ve spoken, ask follow up questions to clarify any points that you might be confused about.
This demonstrates that you earnestly listened and are considering what was said.Make sure that your questions aren’t antagonistic or designed to prove the speaker wrong. , Usually criticism is constructive and not intended to hurt the recipient.
Don’t take the criticism personally – it isn’t a character attack.
Instead, understand that it’s likely addressing a specific action or behavior or yours, and doesn’t reflect on you as a person.One great technique is to look for the positive.
Whether the criticism is valid or not, there is always something positive to be found.
Say your boss criticizes you for not arranging the files in a way that they think makes sense.
Sure, hearing that might feel rotten, but rather than take it personally, look for the positive – you get to develop an even better filing system that will universally work for everyone.
Another good way to not take criticism personally is to turn the meat of the criticism into “if” language.
Ask yourself what the main point of the criticism was.
Then, ask, “if” this were true, for example, if it were true that you were always late, how could you improve the situation? This allows you to emotionally distance yourself from the criticism and tackle the actual issue, if there is one.
About the Author
Evelyn Barnes
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in hobbies and beyond.
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