How to Know if Your Ex Misses You
Think about what you know about your ex., Note how often she contacts you., Think about how he behaves when he contacts you., Note how long she takes to get back to you., Observe their body language., Notice if she shows up in places you frequent.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Think about what you know about your ex.
Tuning in to your knowledge of yourself, your ex, and your relationship is the best possible way to know how to interpret observed behavior.
Think back about your relationship and how your ex communicates and deals with conflict.
Is he blunt and straightforward? Then he's probably not hiding his feelings and you'll be able to tell if he misses you.
Did he used to avoid you when he was mad and upset? Then his silence now probably means he's not pining for you — he's probably upset and angry and doesn't want to talk.
Is he someone who lingers on things and dwells on the past? Then maybe he is thinking a lot about you.
Use what you know about your ex and his personality to interpret his behavior toward you.
Keep in mind that behavioral interpretations are filtered through the observers biases and wishes (when it's a personal relationship), and thus you tend to see things that are not actually there.
If your ex is big on texting and you haven't heard a word from him since your breakup, don't try to interpret that silence to mean he misses you — he'd probably be texting you if he missed you.
Try to look at his behavior from a more objective perspective. -
Step 2: Note how often she contacts you.
If your ex doesn’t miss you, she probably only contacts you if she really has to (for example, to arrange picking up her things from your house).
If she does miss you, she will probably have a hard time resisting the urge to call, text, email, etc.
When your ex gets in touch with you, she may not have a specific reason.
She might say something like, “Hey! I was just wondering how you’re doing.” An exception to this might be if your ex was the one that ended the relationship, but also expressed a desire to remain friends.
If this is the case, getting in touch with you could be a sign that she misses you, but she may also simply be trying to stay friends.
If your ex is constantly “drunk dialing” you, which means that she contacts you in the middle of the night after she's had a few drinks (and thus, is less inhibited) there is a pretty good chance that she has some feelings that she hasn't been able to work through. , If he is contacting you, he probably is looking for excuses for calling so that he isn't continually contacting you for no reason.
He might ask for advice or for help dealing with a problem.
He might also try to steer the conversation towards deeper topics.
For example, he might talk about things he wants to accomplish in his life or thoughts he's been having about the kind of life he wants to live.
When he contacts you does he “accidentally” call you by a pet name that he used when you were together? This slip of the tongue could indicate that he still thinks of you in that way. , When, and if, you contact your ex, how quickly does she respond to your text or email? How long does it take to call you back? Although one instance of taking hours to respond doesn’t necessarily mean anything, if she consistently ignores you for hours or even days, she probably isn't missing you that much.If an ex is completely ignoring your calls and messages, avoid sending more messages or calling again.
If you’re missing her, this can be very hard to do; however, imposing a rule on yourself that you won’t get in touch with her will help you move on. , If you do end up in the same place as your ex, notice his body language around you.
If your ex is avoiding eye contact, has his arms or legs crossed, and isn’t smiling, he probably isn't very happy to be around you.Although body language is a great indicator of how a person is feeling in that moment, it won’t tell you everything.
For example, your ex may miss you terribly, but acts like he wants to have nothing do with you in your presence.
This may be because he is afraid of being hurt again.
Try to observe his body language and combine it with the other information you have.
For example, if your ex’s body language is suggesting that he doesn't want to be around you, but he is calling you every day, then it may be that he does miss you, but he is feeling defensive in your presence. , If your ex randomly drops by your work, or shows up at a place that she knows you frequent, it probably wasn’t an accident.If you have mutual friends, she might find out where you will be and “coincidentally” be there too.
If your ex does show up somewhere that you are, don’t forget to observe her body language.
Does she keep glancing in your direction? If so, she is probably trying to observe your behavior, too. -
Step 3: Think about how he behaves when he contacts you.
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Step 4: Note how long she takes to get back to you.
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Step 5: Observe their body language.
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Step 6: Notice if she shows up in places you frequent.
Detailed Guide
Tuning in to your knowledge of yourself, your ex, and your relationship is the best possible way to know how to interpret observed behavior.
Think back about your relationship and how your ex communicates and deals with conflict.
Is he blunt and straightforward? Then he's probably not hiding his feelings and you'll be able to tell if he misses you.
Did he used to avoid you when he was mad and upset? Then his silence now probably means he's not pining for you — he's probably upset and angry and doesn't want to talk.
Is he someone who lingers on things and dwells on the past? Then maybe he is thinking a lot about you.
Use what you know about your ex and his personality to interpret his behavior toward you.
Keep in mind that behavioral interpretations are filtered through the observers biases and wishes (when it's a personal relationship), and thus you tend to see things that are not actually there.
If your ex is big on texting and you haven't heard a word from him since your breakup, don't try to interpret that silence to mean he misses you — he'd probably be texting you if he missed you.
Try to look at his behavior from a more objective perspective.
If your ex doesn’t miss you, she probably only contacts you if she really has to (for example, to arrange picking up her things from your house).
If she does miss you, she will probably have a hard time resisting the urge to call, text, email, etc.
When your ex gets in touch with you, she may not have a specific reason.
She might say something like, “Hey! I was just wondering how you’re doing.” An exception to this might be if your ex was the one that ended the relationship, but also expressed a desire to remain friends.
If this is the case, getting in touch with you could be a sign that she misses you, but she may also simply be trying to stay friends.
If your ex is constantly “drunk dialing” you, which means that she contacts you in the middle of the night after she's had a few drinks (and thus, is less inhibited) there is a pretty good chance that she has some feelings that she hasn't been able to work through. , If he is contacting you, he probably is looking for excuses for calling so that he isn't continually contacting you for no reason.
He might ask for advice or for help dealing with a problem.
He might also try to steer the conversation towards deeper topics.
For example, he might talk about things he wants to accomplish in his life or thoughts he's been having about the kind of life he wants to live.
When he contacts you does he “accidentally” call you by a pet name that he used when you were together? This slip of the tongue could indicate that he still thinks of you in that way. , When, and if, you contact your ex, how quickly does she respond to your text or email? How long does it take to call you back? Although one instance of taking hours to respond doesn’t necessarily mean anything, if she consistently ignores you for hours or even days, she probably isn't missing you that much.If an ex is completely ignoring your calls and messages, avoid sending more messages or calling again.
If you’re missing her, this can be very hard to do; however, imposing a rule on yourself that you won’t get in touch with her will help you move on. , If you do end up in the same place as your ex, notice his body language around you.
If your ex is avoiding eye contact, has his arms or legs crossed, and isn’t smiling, he probably isn't very happy to be around you.Although body language is a great indicator of how a person is feeling in that moment, it won’t tell you everything.
For example, your ex may miss you terribly, but acts like he wants to have nothing do with you in your presence.
This may be because he is afraid of being hurt again.
Try to observe his body language and combine it with the other information you have.
For example, if your ex’s body language is suggesting that he doesn't want to be around you, but he is calling you every day, then it may be that he does miss you, but he is feeling defensive in your presence. , If your ex randomly drops by your work, or shows up at a place that she knows you frequent, it probably wasn’t an accident.If you have mutual friends, she might find out where you will be and “coincidentally” be there too.
If your ex does show up somewhere that you are, don’t forget to observe her body language.
Does she keep glancing in your direction? If so, she is probably trying to observe your behavior, too.
About the Author
Isabella Gonzales
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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