How to Know when to Let Go
Give yourself a reality check., Get perspective from others., Analyze the situation., Know when you are sabotaging yourself over an ideal., Realize that a lack of caring is a red flag.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give yourself a reality check.
Sadly, most of the time people do know they need to let go, but are unable to because they are afraid of the consequences.
Reality checks can help you realize it is time to leave a broken relationship.
To do a reality check, try imagining that you are someone else observing your situation.
What does this person think about the situation? Is the answer obvious to him? If so, then you probably know what you need to do.
If you are having trouble removing yourself from the situation and observing it as a stranger would, try changing the names of the characters involved in your story.
Change your name from your real name to someone else.
Also change some minor characteristics about yourself to make "you" less "you-like".
The point is to try to create superficial distance between yourself and this other character "yourself".
Do the same thing for person you are trying to distance yourself from.
Or, imagine a similar scenario as the one that you're in was happening to your friend and his partner.
What advice would you give? Would you tell him it was time to move on? -
Step 2: Get perspective from others.
Grab a friend (or a parent/counselor if you are comfortable).
Ask him what he would do in your situation and if he has ever been in a similar situation in the past.
Be sure to be sincere with him that you will not judge him for his answer, that you are seeking the truth of the matter and do not just want to feel better about yourself.
Ask him whether he honestly thinks what you are thinking of doing is warranted.
Ask him whether you have had a part to play in the relationship turning sour.
To find a therapist near you, try this website: http://locator.apa.org/ , Write your feelings down in a diary where you pour your thoughts out.
Know that you and only you will read this diary, so you should be perfectly honest in it.
Look for patterns in what you write.
Do you find yourself blaming yourself a lot? If so, ask yourself whether there is any real merit to your self-blame or whether your partner has a bigger role to play.
You can ask yourself some specific questions in your diary that may help you clarify whether it is time to leave.
Is your partner constantly making it clear that he fears commitment or does he threaten to end the relationship as a power play? Is your partner envious of your successes rather than excited for you? Is your partner cheating on you? Do you and your partner require very different amounts of intimacy? If you have written down and thought about these questions and answered yes to any of them, this is a sign that it is time to move on.
Journaling about your relationship can also help you to cope with your breakup should you go that route.After you write down your thoughts and go over them, take a few steps back and re-visit them the next day with a fresh set of eyes.
If the same pattern is popping out, it is more likely to be true. , For example, if you want perfection in your relationship and are not willing to settle for anything less, you are probably the one with the problem, not your partner.
In this case, you should try to think about how you might change to make the relationship work.
Be honest with your partner and let him know that you are struggling with having unfair ideals and that you want to work to make the relationship work.
Perhaps he will respect your openness and honesty and will be that much more willing to try harder to meet you half way.
To find out whether you may be sabotaging yourself over an ideal, ask unbiased friends, family, or acquaintances for advice.
Let these people weigh in on whether you are being unrealistic or whether your views about the relationship or your partner's "faults" have merit.
You can also ask yourself the following:
Do you hold the (unrealistic) expectation that you should be given sexual satisfaction whenever you feel like you need it? Do you hold the (unrealistic) expectation that your partner should meet your every demand? Do you expect your partner to meet every one of your needs? , If you find yourself not wanting to spend time with your partner, or don't really care to know about his day, or you no longer respect his opinion, then you are probably falling out of love.
These signals may be signs that it is time to let go.
Although it can be difficult to let someone go, don't let yourself be wracked by guilt; it is better to let him find someone who will truly love him and care for him than to stay with him out of guilt. -
Step 3: Analyze the situation.
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Step 4: Know when you are sabotaging yourself over an ideal.
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Step 5: Realize that a lack of caring is a red flag.
Detailed Guide
Sadly, most of the time people do know they need to let go, but are unable to because they are afraid of the consequences.
Reality checks can help you realize it is time to leave a broken relationship.
To do a reality check, try imagining that you are someone else observing your situation.
What does this person think about the situation? Is the answer obvious to him? If so, then you probably know what you need to do.
If you are having trouble removing yourself from the situation and observing it as a stranger would, try changing the names of the characters involved in your story.
Change your name from your real name to someone else.
Also change some minor characteristics about yourself to make "you" less "you-like".
The point is to try to create superficial distance between yourself and this other character "yourself".
Do the same thing for person you are trying to distance yourself from.
Or, imagine a similar scenario as the one that you're in was happening to your friend and his partner.
What advice would you give? Would you tell him it was time to move on?
Grab a friend (or a parent/counselor if you are comfortable).
Ask him what he would do in your situation and if he has ever been in a similar situation in the past.
Be sure to be sincere with him that you will not judge him for his answer, that you are seeking the truth of the matter and do not just want to feel better about yourself.
Ask him whether he honestly thinks what you are thinking of doing is warranted.
Ask him whether you have had a part to play in the relationship turning sour.
To find a therapist near you, try this website: http://locator.apa.org/ , Write your feelings down in a diary where you pour your thoughts out.
Know that you and only you will read this diary, so you should be perfectly honest in it.
Look for patterns in what you write.
Do you find yourself blaming yourself a lot? If so, ask yourself whether there is any real merit to your self-blame or whether your partner has a bigger role to play.
You can ask yourself some specific questions in your diary that may help you clarify whether it is time to leave.
Is your partner constantly making it clear that he fears commitment or does he threaten to end the relationship as a power play? Is your partner envious of your successes rather than excited for you? Is your partner cheating on you? Do you and your partner require very different amounts of intimacy? If you have written down and thought about these questions and answered yes to any of them, this is a sign that it is time to move on.
Journaling about your relationship can also help you to cope with your breakup should you go that route.After you write down your thoughts and go over them, take a few steps back and re-visit them the next day with a fresh set of eyes.
If the same pattern is popping out, it is more likely to be true. , For example, if you want perfection in your relationship and are not willing to settle for anything less, you are probably the one with the problem, not your partner.
In this case, you should try to think about how you might change to make the relationship work.
Be honest with your partner and let him know that you are struggling with having unfair ideals and that you want to work to make the relationship work.
Perhaps he will respect your openness and honesty and will be that much more willing to try harder to meet you half way.
To find out whether you may be sabotaging yourself over an ideal, ask unbiased friends, family, or acquaintances for advice.
Let these people weigh in on whether you are being unrealistic or whether your views about the relationship or your partner's "faults" have merit.
You can also ask yourself the following:
Do you hold the (unrealistic) expectation that you should be given sexual satisfaction whenever you feel like you need it? Do you hold the (unrealistic) expectation that your partner should meet your every demand? Do you expect your partner to meet every one of your needs? , If you find yourself not wanting to spend time with your partner, or don't really care to know about his day, or you no longer respect his opinion, then you are probably falling out of love.
These signals may be signs that it is time to let go.
Although it can be difficult to let someone go, don't let yourself be wracked by guilt; it is better to let him find someone who will truly love him and care for him than to stay with him out of guilt.
About the Author
Donna Jordan
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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