How to Live As an Agender Person
Research gender identity., Dress however you feel comfortable., Consider choosing a name., Pick out your pronouns., Figure out whether or not you would like to have surgery done., Consider who it's safe to come out to., Talk to parents and friends...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Research gender identity.
Your gender is a large aspect of your identity, so accuracy is crucial.
Fully understand and accepting your gender will help you gain more self-acceptance, so this is extremely important for those in need of better security in their lives.
Some people find their gender to be fluid.
If you feel agender now, it's okay to identify as that now and identify as another gender later.
You don't need to feel obligated to identify as one gender (or as lacking a gender) all the time.
Find viewpoints from agender people, too, and see how they describe themselves. -
Step 2: Dress however you feel comfortable.
Many agender people choose to wear more androgynous style clothing as compared to feminine or masculine dress, but this isn't necessary.
Wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable in your body.
The same applies to your hair.
You can wear your hair however you want to.
Just keep in mind that AFAB people are often viewed as female if they have long hair, and AMAB people are often viewed as male. , If your current name is masculine or feminine, you may decide that you want a more androgynous name.
If you already have an androgynous name, you can keep it.
You can choose to do either, it is entirely up to you.
If you are agender but love your feminine name to pieces, don't feel obligated to change it. , Some agender people are fine with having gendered pronouns ("he" or "she").
However, some prefer to pick their pronouns.
Many go by "they"
while others use pronouns such as "zie" or "xie".
If you choose to use gender-neutral pronouns, figure out a way to let people know about these.
For example, in a self-introduction, you could say, "Hi, I'm Hayden.
Please refer to me as "they"". , If you think you would prefer to have surgery done to make you feel more comfortable with your body, and you are of a legal age, research what you can do to make you feel agender, places near you to get surgery done, and even how they go about doing it.
Remember, it isn't necessary for you to have surgery to identify as agender, but if it will help you, you can.
Oftentimes, those who are agender but are assigned female at birth have breast reduction done, while those who are agender but are assigned male at birth often request electrolysis (laser facial hair removal). , Unfortunately, not everyone is accepting of agender people, and this can range from rejecting your gender and pronouns to becoming violent.
If you have reason to expect this kind of reaction from others when coming out, then you may have to accept that coming out isn't safe, and if coming out isn't safe, you'll have to find other outlets for your feelings.
Chances are, the more liberal the area you live in is, the more likely you'll be accepted by others around you. , Parents and friends can be difficult, but if it is safe to do so, coming out will provide a sense of relief and solidify your identity.
Don't be afraid, you are only speaking the truth and should not be punished for such.
If they have any questions, answer them as truthfully as possible.
Note that many are uneducated about what being agender is, but don't react with hostility.
Explain to the best of your ability.
If they still don't believe that it is a real thing, know that you can't win every battle, and be patient.
If they truly care about you, they will accept you. , Telling your significant other is hard, especially if they are relatively unfamiliar with the LGBTQA+ community.
Still, it is best to tell them as soon as possible to avoid causing you unnecessary issues such as gender dysphoria.
If they love you, they will do so unconditionally, but don't be surprised if it takes them a while to adjust. , Be polite and ask nicely, but make it clear that you aren't going to change your mind.
State your intentions up front and be transparent.
Don't be too upset if others forget your proper pronouns; just kindly remind them.
It can take time, but, again, be patient.
If you request "they" pronouns and others refuse, stating that it is incorrect grammar, remind them that "they" has been used singularly for centuries in various contexts. , It may seem odd, but if you are younger and your situation limits who you can tell, writing a journal can be very helpful.
Putting your thoughts down on paper is good, because it encourages self-realization and helps you more or less "come out" to yourself.
Keep it hidden somewhere and try to be consistent with how often you write in it. , Although it isn't for everyone, joining an online forum can be a place to get help when you can't get it from outside sources.
Online, there are several other communities to support those who are gender-nonconforming.
Getting in touch with others on and off the internet is a huge help and can make you feel more a part of the LGBTQA+ community. , Many schools and communities nowadays have a GSA, either standing for Gay Straight Alliance, or Genders and Sexualities Alliance. , If you can, pride parades are amazing, enlightening events, and are held all across many countries.
Here, you can expand your borders and meet others in the LGBTQA+ community, not just others that are agender.
This is important, because we all should try to eliminate discrimination within this community. , "Holidays" referring to both the celebrations and days of recognition.
If able, join in on the Day of Silence, or take some time out of your day to recognize victims of hate crimes against LGBTQA+ on other various dates.
Just these small acts make a big difference in your world and can change your perspective. -
Step 3: Consider choosing a name.
-
Step 4: Pick out your pronouns.
-
Step 5: Figure out whether or not you would like to have surgery done.
-
Step 6: Consider who it's safe to come out to.
-
Step 7: Talk to parents and friends.
-
Step 8: Tell your significant other.
-
Step 9: Request pronouns.
-
Step 10: Start a journal.
-
Step 11: Join an online support group.
-
Step 12: Get involved with your local GSA.
-
Step 13: Go to a pride parade.
-
Step 14: Participate in holidays.
Detailed Guide
Your gender is a large aspect of your identity, so accuracy is crucial.
Fully understand and accepting your gender will help you gain more self-acceptance, so this is extremely important for those in need of better security in their lives.
Some people find their gender to be fluid.
If you feel agender now, it's okay to identify as that now and identify as another gender later.
You don't need to feel obligated to identify as one gender (or as lacking a gender) all the time.
Find viewpoints from agender people, too, and see how they describe themselves.
Many agender people choose to wear more androgynous style clothing as compared to feminine or masculine dress, but this isn't necessary.
Wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable in your body.
The same applies to your hair.
You can wear your hair however you want to.
Just keep in mind that AFAB people are often viewed as female if they have long hair, and AMAB people are often viewed as male. , If your current name is masculine or feminine, you may decide that you want a more androgynous name.
If you already have an androgynous name, you can keep it.
You can choose to do either, it is entirely up to you.
If you are agender but love your feminine name to pieces, don't feel obligated to change it. , Some agender people are fine with having gendered pronouns ("he" or "she").
However, some prefer to pick their pronouns.
Many go by "they"
while others use pronouns such as "zie" or "xie".
If you choose to use gender-neutral pronouns, figure out a way to let people know about these.
For example, in a self-introduction, you could say, "Hi, I'm Hayden.
Please refer to me as "they"". , If you think you would prefer to have surgery done to make you feel more comfortable with your body, and you are of a legal age, research what you can do to make you feel agender, places near you to get surgery done, and even how they go about doing it.
Remember, it isn't necessary for you to have surgery to identify as agender, but if it will help you, you can.
Oftentimes, those who are agender but are assigned female at birth have breast reduction done, while those who are agender but are assigned male at birth often request electrolysis (laser facial hair removal). , Unfortunately, not everyone is accepting of agender people, and this can range from rejecting your gender and pronouns to becoming violent.
If you have reason to expect this kind of reaction from others when coming out, then you may have to accept that coming out isn't safe, and if coming out isn't safe, you'll have to find other outlets for your feelings.
Chances are, the more liberal the area you live in is, the more likely you'll be accepted by others around you. , Parents and friends can be difficult, but if it is safe to do so, coming out will provide a sense of relief and solidify your identity.
Don't be afraid, you are only speaking the truth and should not be punished for such.
If they have any questions, answer them as truthfully as possible.
Note that many are uneducated about what being agender is, but don't react with hostility.
Explain to the best of your ability.
If they still don't believe that it is a real thing, know that you can't win every battle, and be patient.
If they truly care about you, they will accept you. , Telling your significant other is hard, especially if they are relatively unfamiliar with the LGBTQA+ community.
Still, it is best to tell them as soon as possible to avoid causing you unnecessary issues such as gender dysphoria.
If they love you, they will do so unconditionally, but don't be surprised if it takes them a while to adjust. , Be polite and ask nicely, but make it clear that you aren't going to change your mind.
State your intentions up front and be transparent.
Don't be too upset if others forget your proper pronouns; just kindly remind them.
It can take time, but, again, be patient.
If you request "they" pronouns and others refuse, stating that it is incorrect grammar, remind them that "they" has been used singularly for centuries in various contexts. , It may seem odd, but if you are younger and your situation limits who you can tell, writing a journal can be very helpful.
Putting your thoughts down on paper is good, because it encourages self-realization and helps you more or less "come out" to yourself.
Keep it hidden somewhere and try to be consistent with how often you write in it. , Although it isn't for everyone, joining an online forum can be a place to get help when you can't get it from outside sources.
Online, there are several other communities to support those who are gender-nonconforming.
Getting in touch with others on and off the internet is a huge help and can make you feel more a part of the LGBTQA+ community. , Many schools and communities nowadays have a GSA, either standing for Gay Straight Alliance, or Genders and Sexualities Alliance. , If you can, pride parades are amazing, enlightening events, and are held all across many countries.
Here, you can expand your borders and meet others in the LGBTQA+ community, not just others that are agender.
This is important, because we all should try to eliminate discrimination within this community. , "Holidays" referring to both the celebrations and days of recognition.
If able, join in on the Day of Silence, or take some time out of your day to recognize victims of hate crimes against LGBTQA+ on other various dates.
Just these small acts make a big difference in your world and can change your perspective.
About the Author
Gloria Stewart
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow crafts tutorials.
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