How to Move on After a Life Changing Revelation
Take the time to take it in., Decide whether this changes things only for you, or if it will change a relationship(s)., Seek guidance and counsel., Seriously meditate on all possible consequences of your actions., Ask yourself what payoff you are...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Take the time to take it in.
Maybe you've had a personal revelation, about your own life.
Maybe something was revealed about a friend.
Or maybe, you've just been considering life in general, and suddenly see everything in a different light.
This can be a result of a religious epiphany (when you suddenly realize what you truly believe), or because of a revelation of character (your own or a relative's or friend's), or because something about a situation that never sat right with you suddenly clicked into place.
Whatever it is, you need time to process and truly appreciate and understand which areas of your life must change from this time forward.
Don't make sudden changes.
Give yourself time to really consider this revelation from many angles before taking any action. -
Step 2: Decide whether this changes things only for you
When you are the only one to consider, you will have a bit more leeway in implementing changes.
If your revelation involves another person or persons, you will need to consider their rights, your obligations to them, and their feelings.
Change may come in many forms, but not all changes need to be steamrolled out over all those around you. , You don't necessarily have to see a shrink or a therapist.
You could go to a trusted family member or friend and discuss your revelation.
It is never recommended that you act solely on your own instincts unless there is some intensely compelling reason.
It is always preferred and wiser to seek the input of a trusted friend or relative before taking action that will affect your whole life. , After you have spoken to your "advisors" or "counselors," take the time to play out several scenarios in your mind before you do anything drastic.
Will you lose your job? Will your relationship end? What will happen if you do Plan A? What about Plan B? Simply out of courtesy to others, it should be said that the option that creates the narrowest swath of destruction is generally best.
However, if your revelation is one such as outing a molester in your family
- in this case, you cannot allow consideration of who will be hurt or upset to enter into your thinking. , Will your life be better for it in the end? What do you hope will happen when you stage your big reveal? What if it doesn't happen? Then how will you feel? Sometimes, we realize something, and it hurts our feelings, or conversely, it makes us feel huge and invincible.
If you call all your loved ones together and make a big, explosive announcement, what are you hoping they will do? Perhaps your revelation is a personal one: you are gay.
If your family lives in an area where tolerance is the general rule, and you will be reasonably safe if it doesn't go well, then telling them all together this way may pay off in the end.
Given enough time, usually families come around to this news surprisingly well, and quickly.
But if you are in the Bible Belt, and you spring this on your entire family at one big gathering, you may be putting yourself at risk.
Consider carefully what you would hope to accomplish with a big announcement, and instead consider smaller, more personal conversations with one or two family members or friends at a time. , Living with newfound knowledge can be a struggle.
Whether you realize that you are gay, or discover that you are adopted, or your spouse is cheating, or you found out that a family friend molested your sister, or understand that your mother favors your brother over you... these things can change your life.
Maybe you just realized that you want to enter a monastery.
Or maybe you realized that you want to enlist in the service instead of going to college right now.
Whatever you have realized or discovered, after a certain amount of time, you have to act.
Whether the action you take means that your life will change
- or that it won't
- you will decide to move forward from here, one way or the other.
Come out if you are gay, or accept your friend who has just told you that s/he is
- or end that relationship.
Do it in the way that makes the most sense to you.
Enter that convent.
Or decide to do nothing about it at this time.
Live your life on your terms.
The exception here would be if you know that by doing nothing, someone else could be hurt.
In that case, no matter what the consequences, you must take action to prevent this from happening. , Don't relive this event, or this revelation, over and over, trying to put your life back the way it was "before." All life is change.
You cannot hope to go backward, not ever, not from anything, good or bad.
All you can do is put it into its proper perspective and go forward.
Pining for what was is not productive.
Accepting what is and moving ahead with your life is the better plan.
Tell yourself "One day I will come to terms with this.
That day can be today." -
Step 3: or if it will change a relationship(s).
-
Step 4: Seek guidance and counsel.
-
Step 5: Seriously meditate on all possible consequences of your actions.
-
Step 6: Ask yourself what payoff you are looking for
-
Step 7: especially if your actions will create a sensation or a big blowup.
-
Step 8: Take a deep breath... and do it.
-
Step 9: Move forward.
Detailed Guide
Maybe you've had a personal revelation, about your own life.
Maybe something was revealed about a friend.
Or maybe, you've just been considering life in general, and suddenly see everything in a different light.
This can be a result of a religious epiphany (when you suddenly realize what you truly believe), or because of a revelation of character (your own or a relative's or friend's), or because something about a situation that never sat right with you suddenly clicked into place.
Whatever it is, you need time to process and truly appreciate and understand which areas of your life must change from this time forward.
Don't make sudden changes.
Give yourself time to really consider this revelation from many angles before taking any action.
When you are the only one to consider, you will have a bit more leeway in implementing changes.
If your revelation involves another person or persons, you will need to consider their rights, your obligations to them, and their feelings.
Change may come in many forms, but not all changes need to be steamrolled out over all those around you. , You don't necessarily have to see a shrink or a therapist.
You could go to a trusted family member or friend and discuss your revelation.
It is never recommended that you act solely on your own instincts unless there is some intensely compelling reason.
It is always preferred and wiser to seek the input of a trusted friend or relative before taking action that will affect your whole life. , After you have spoken to your "advisors" or "counselors," take the time to play out several scenarios in your mind before you do anything drastic.
Will you lose your job? Will your relationship end? What will happen if you do Plan A? What about Plan B? Simply out of courtesy to others, it should be said that the option that creates the narrowest swath of destruction is generally best.
However, if your revelation is one such as outing a molester in your family
- in this case, you cannot allow consideration of who will be hurt or upset to enter into your thinking. , Will your life be better for it in the end? What do you hope will happen when you stage your big reveal? What if it doesn't happen? Then how will you feel? Sometimes, we realize something, and it hurts our feelings, or conversely, it makes us feel huge and invincible.
If you call all your loved ones together and make a big, explosive announcement, what are you hoping they will do? Perhaps your revelation is a personal one: you are gay.
If your family lives in an area where tolerance is the general rule, and you will be reasonably safe if it doesn't go well, then telling them all together this way may pay off in the end.
Given enough time, usually families come around to this news surprisingly well, and quickly.
But if you are in the Bible Belt, and you spring this on your entire family at one big gathering, you may be putting yourself at risk.
Consider carefully what you would hope to accomplish with a big announcement, and instead consider smaller, more personal conversations with one or two family members or friends at a time. , Living with newfound knowledge can be a struggle.
Whether you realize that you are gay, or discover that you are adopted, or your spouse is cheating, or you found out that a family friend molested your sister, or understand that your mother favors your brother over you... these things can change your life.
Maybe you just realized that you want to enter a monastery.
Or maybe you realized that you want to enlist in the service instead of going to college right now.
Whatever you have realized or discovered, after a certain amount of time, you have to act.
Whether the action you take means that your life will change
- or that it won't
- you will decide to move forward from here, one way or the other.
Come out if you are gay, or accept your friend who has just told you that s/he is
- or end that relationship.
Do it in the way that makes the most sense to you.
Enter that convent.
Or decide to do nothing about it at this time.
Live your life on your terms.
The exception here would be if you know that by doing nothing, someone else could be hurt.
In that case, no matter what the consequences, you must take action to prevent this from happening. , Don't relive this event, or this revelation, over and over, trying to put your life back the way it was "before." All life is change.
You cannot hope to go backward, not ever, not from anything, good or bad.
All you can do is put it into its proper perspective and go forward.
Pining for what was is not productive.
Accepting what is and moving ahead with your life is the better plan.
Tell yourself "One day I will come to terms with this.
That day can be today."
About the Author
Virginia Martin
With a background in digital media and internet, Virginia Martin brings 14 years of hands-on experience to every article. Virginia believes in making complex topics accessible to everyone.
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