How to Not Let Your Emotions Get the Best of You
Identify what you're feeling., Pinpoint which situations cause you to get emotional., Become aware of your thoughts about the situation.Once you target which person/people or topic is the stimulus, write down your feelings about this person or...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify what you're feeling.
Your emotional experience is broken down into three elements: body language and behaviors, visceral reactions, and thoughts.
Sometimes, you may clearly feel one emotion, while, at other times, you may experience a spectrum of emotions.
Consider some common emotions with their three associated elements to determine how you're feeling right now.Anger may be characterized by clenched fists, flaring nostrils, pounding heartbeat, sweating, and jumping to conclusions with thoughts.
Confusion may include scratching one's head or cheek, blinking rapidly, rising body heat, and racing thoughts.
Disappointment may be exhibited by a heavy sigh, lowering one's head, sudden onset of nausea, a heart that seems to be shrinking, and thoughts of dread or hopelessness.
Fear may be associated with pressing one's elbows into the sides, shaking, hypersensitivity to touch and sound, and mentally having the desire to run or hide.
Jealousy may be characterized criticizing the rival, sneering, burning sensation in the chest, and rash decision-making.
Sadness may include wincing, a trembling chin, soreness in the the throat, the world seeming to slow down, and wanting to be alone. -
Step 2: Pinpoint which situations cause you to get emotional.
If you are experiencing strong emotions, you need to figure out the stimulus that caused these feelings.
This is especially true if you find yourself getting upset often.
Think back over the last few hours or days.
Consider the people you have talked to and the topics of the conversations you have had.It could be that a certain person caused you to feel strongly, or a specific topic set you off.
Possible people/topics that may evoke strong emotions include family, friends, relationships, work, money, criticisms, and broken promises. , Write out these emotions as "I am angry because..." or "I am disappointed because..." This exercise can give you some insight into what's driving your emotions.
You may not have even been aware of these factors before now. , Once you have written what's driving your feelings down on paper, you can check these statements for accuracy.
For example, if you wrote "I am disappointed because Dan did not get what me a birthday gift."
you need to consider the variables that surrounded Dan's behavior and your own.
Did you explicitly tell Dan that you didn't want a gift this year? Do you generally feel dissatisfied by the previous gifts Dan has brought you? Is Dan going through financial difficulties and couldn't purchase a gift? If you can find at least one shred of evidence that shows Dan's behavior was warranted, then you have proven that your response (i.e. disappointment) was illogical.
If you cannot find a single shred of evidence that can challenge your strong emotion, then you need to look at the situation from a different perspective.
Strong emotions are virtually always tied to some irrational belief that we hold deep inside., After you have closely examined your thought patterns and behaviors in your interactions with others, try to devise a plan to demonstrate healthier responses in the future.
Consider the previous scenario about the birthday gift.
Once you realized that Dan did not get you anything for your birthday what did you do? You may have acted passive-aggressively by not expressing your feelings, but performing subtle actions such as withdrawing from him, not being affectionate, or ruining any other plans he had for your day.
Think about how you could have responded to minimize your upsetting feelings
- and possibly his as well.
You could have openly stated that you expected a gift from him and that you were disappointed.
This may seem blunt but you are less likely to feel disappointed once you have an understanding of Dan's true motives.
What's more, he won't have to tiptoe on eggshells around you wondering why you're behaving a certain way.
Your feelings will be clear to him and eliminate any confusion. -
Step 3: Become aware of your thoughts about the situation.Once you target which person/people or topic is the stimulus
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Step 4: write down your feelings about this person or topic.
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Step 5: Verify if your thoughts are realistic.
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Step 6: Develop an adaptive substitute behavior.
Detailed Guide
Your emotional experience is broken down into three elements: body language and behaviors, visceral reactions, and thoughts.
Sometimes, you may clearly feel one emotion, while, at other times, you may experience a spectrum of emotions.
Consider some common emotions with their three associated elements to determine how you're feeling right now.Anger may be characterized by clenched fists, flaring nostrils, pounding heartbeat, sweating, and jumping to conclusions with thoughts.
Confusion may include scratching one's head or cheek, blinking rapidly, rising body heat, and racing thoughts.
Disappointment may be exhibited by a heavy sigh, lowering one's head, sudden onset of nausea, a heart that seems to be shrinking, and thoughts of dread or hopelessness.
Fear may be associated with pressing one's elbows into the sides, shaking, hypersensitivity to touch and sound, and mentally having the desire to run or hide.
Jealousy may be characterized criticizing the rival, sneering, burning sensation in the chest, and rash decision-making.
Sadness may include wincing, a trembling chin, soreness in the the throat, the world seeming to slow down, and wanting to be alone.
If you are experiencing strong emotions, you need to figure out the stimulus that caused these feelings.
This is especially true if you find yourself getting upset often.
Think back over the last few hours or days.
Consider the people you have talked to and the topics of the conversations you have had.It could be that a certain person caused you to feel strongly, or a specific topic set you off.
Possible people/topics that may evoke strong emotions include family, friends, relationships, work, money, criticisms, and broken promises. , Write out these emotions as "I am angry because..." or "I am disappointed because..." This exercise can give you some insight into what's driving your emotions.
You may not have even been aware of these factors before now. , Once you have written what's driving your feelings down on paper, you can check these statements for accuracy.
For example, if you wrote "I am disappointed because Dan did not get what me a birthday gift."
you need to consider the variables that surrounded Dan's behavior and your own.
Did you explicitly tell Dan that you didn't want a gift this year? Do you generally feel dissatisfied by the previous gifts Dan has brought you? Is Dan going through financial difficulties and couldn't purchase a gift? If you can find at least one shred of evidence that shows Dan's behavior was warranted, then you have proven that your response (i.e. disappointment) was illogical.
If you cannot find a single shred of evidence that can challenge your strong emotion, then you need to look at the situation from a different perspective.
Strong emotions are virtually always tied to some irrational belief that we hold deep inside., After you have closely examined your thought patterns and behaviors in your interactions with others, try to devise a plan to demonstrate healthier responses in the future.
Consider the previous scenario about the birthday gift.
Once you realized that Dan did not get you anything for your birthday what did you do? You may have acted passive-aggressively by not expressing your feelings, but performing subtle actions such as withdrawing from him, not being affectionate, or ruining any other plans he had for your day.
Think about how you could have responded to minimize your upsetting feelings
- and possibly his as well.
You could have openly stated that you expected a gift from him and that you were disappointed.
This may seem blunt but you are less likely to feel disappointed once you have an understanding of Dan's true motives.
What's more, he won't have to tiptoe on eggshells around you wondering why you're behaving a certain way.
Your feelings will be clear to him and eliminate any confusion.
About the Author
Diane Butler
Specializes in breaking down complex cooking topics into simple steps.
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