How to Observe People
Don't be in a hurry., Get out of your head., Don't be obvious., Look when they think no one's watching., Notice differences., Take note of reactions., Look for patterns.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don't be in a hurry.
Do you tend to fly through your day, rushing from one task to the next without taking time to drink things in? Being observant takes practice, and it starts with the ability to slow down, stop, and watch.
You can't do that if you're always in a hurry, and trying it once or twice won't cut it, either.
You can practice being more observant by slowing down in any given situation and taking time to 'smell the roses,' so to speak.
Start with your own family members.
Do you have a habit of half-listening when your partner or child tells you about his or her day? Put down your phone or tablet, face the person who's talking and look him or her in the eye.
Part of being observant is being a good listener.
If you tend to breeze into your workplace every morning, saying "hello" without bothering to make eye contact, start taking a different approach.
Stop and talk with your boss or coworker for several minutes, giving them your complete attention.
You'll notice so much more this way.
Walking down the street, riding the subway or moving through any public setting gives you the opportunity to practice being observant.
Don't just look right through people
- look at them.
Notice them.
What do you see? -
Step 2: Get out of your head.
Being constantly preoccupied with your own thoughts, desires, insecurities and so on is a distraction from observing other people.
For the sake of being more observant, put your own needs aside and concentrate on the other person.
This takes practice, since thought patterns are actually habits that aren't easily changed.
Be more aware of where your thoughts are leading, and consciously focus on other people so you can observe them.
If you walk into a party and are immediately concerned with finding the coolest person to talk to, getting to the bar ASAP or finding the closest exit, you're not giving your brain the space to observe people.
Take a step back and let yourself focus on other people (you'll have a better time that way, too).
When you're talking to someone face to face and you're worried about whether your lipstick's on straight and how your laugh sounds, you aren't being observant.
Don't worry about yourself; focus on the other person
- you'll learn a lot more that way. , You're not going to get an accurate reading of someone if you make it clear that you're trying to interpret their every move.
At best, the person will unconsciously start performing a little bit, projecting what they want you to see instead of the truth; at worst, the person will find your inquisitiveness annoying or even intrusive.
You should act like your normal self, even when your mind is making careful and calculated assessments.
Don't stare.
People will notice that something's up if you keep looking them up and down.
Even if your brain is entirely focused on someone, make sure your eyes flick away when appropriate.
Be inconspicuous if you're trying to observe someone from afar.
If you're at a party, for example, don't stand in a dark corner tracking the person your'e interested in observing.
Or if you do decide to be a fly on the wall instead of participating, make sure you're in a spot where no one will happen upon you and decide that you're being creepy. , People reveal a lot about themselves when they don't think anyone's going to notice what they're doing.
Be especially observant of people during those times when they feel comfortable letting it all hang loose.
This will give you a baseline reading of the person, cluing you in to his or her true emotions.
You might notice the expression on your coworker's face when she walks down an empty hallway, for example.
Pay attention to how people look after they're finished with a conversation, during that break when they have a moment to themselves.
Sit on a park bench or at a cafe table with an open newspaper in front of you, and take time to look around at others around you. , Once you have a baseline reading of someone, you can compare it to later behavior and note the differences.
This can clue you in to interesting facts about the person, like what they might want to hide and how they express their true feelings. , People's immediate reactions to different situations can be giveaways as to their true thoughts and feelings.
While observing someone, notice his or her facial expression the moment he or she is given a piece of news.
You can deliver the news yourself or watch as someone else delivers it and take note of what happens.
For example, if you and your friends are out to dinner and one friend announces she just got a raise of work, observe other people's reactions.
Someone who waits a beat before expressing congratulations might not be overjoyed to hear the news; could jealousy be at play? , Write down what you observe about people so you can begin to notice patterns.
This can help you gain a deeper understanding of an individual, but it's also a good way to understand humanity at large.
You'll start to pick up on the little details that betray people's preoccupations, desires, stressors, fears and weaknesses.
The accumulation of this kind of information will help you get better and better at observing people and making split-second deductions that turn out to be true. -
Step 3: Don't be obvious.
-
Step 4: Look when they think no one's watching.
-
Step 5: Notice differences.
-
Step 6: Take note of reactions.
-
Step 7: Look for patterns.
Detailed Guide
Do you tend to fly through your day, rushing from one task to the next without taking time to drink things in? Being observant takes practice, and it starts with the ability to slow down, stop, and watch.
You can't do that if you're always in a hurry, and trying it once or twice won't cut it, either.
You can practice being more observant by slowing down in any given situation and taking time to 'smell the roses,' so to speak.
Start with your own family members.
Do you have a habit of half-listening when your partner or child tells you about his or her day? Put down your phone or tablet, face the person who's talking and look him or her in the eye.
Part of being observant is being a good listener.
If you tend to breeze into your workplace every morning, saying "hello" without bothering to make eye contact, start taking a different approach.
Stop and talk with your boss or coworker for several minutes, giving them your complete attention.
You'll notice so much more this way.
Walking down the street, riding the subway or moving through any public setting gives you the opportunity to practice being observant.
Don't just look right through people
- look at them.
Notice them.
What do you see?
Being constantly preoccupied with your own thoughts, desires, insecurities and so on is a distraction from observing other people.
For the sake of being more observant, put your own needs aside and concentrate on the other person.
This takes practice, since thought patterns are actually habits that aren't easily changed.
Be more aware of where your thoughts are leading, and consciously focus on other people so you can observe them.
If you walk into a party and are immediately concerned with finding the coolest person to talk to, getting to the bar ASAP or finding the closest exit, you're not giving your brain the space to observe people.
Take a step back and let yourself focus on other people (you'll have a better time that way, too).
When you're talking to someone face to face and you're worried about whether your lipstick's on straight and how your laugh sounds, you aren't being observant.
Don't worry about yourself; focus on the other person
- you'll learn a lot more that way. , You're not going to get an accurate reading of someone if you make it clear that you're trying to interpret their every move.
At best, the person will unconsciously start performing a little bit, projecting what they want you to see instead of the truth; at worst, the person will find your inquisitiveness annoying or even intrusive.
You should act like your normal self, even when your mind is making careful and calculated assessments.
Don't stare.
People will notice that something's up if you keep looking them up and down.
Even if your brain is entirely focused on someone, make sure your eyes flick away when appropriate.
Be inconspicuous if you're trying to observe someone from afar.
If you're at a party, for example, don't stand in a dark corner tracking the person your'e interested in observing.
Or if you do decide to be a fly on the wall instead of participating, make sure you're in a spot where no one will happen upon you and decide that you're being creepy. , People reveal a lot about themselves when they don't think anyone's going to notice what they're doing.
Be especially observant of people during those times when they feel comfortable letting it all hang loose.
This will give you a baseline reading of the person, cluing you in to his or her true emotions.
You might notice the expression on your coworker's face when she walks down an empty hallway, for example.
Pay attention to how people look after they're finished with a conversation, during that break when they have a moment to themselves.
Sit on a park bench or at a cafe table with an open newspaper in front of you, and take time to look around at others around you. , Once you have a baseline reading of someone, you can compare it to later behavior and note the differences.
This can clue you in to interesting facts about the person, like what they might want to hide and how they express their true feelings. , People's immediate reactions to different situations can be giveaways as to their true thoughts and feelings.
While observing someone, notice his or her facial expression the moment he or she is given a piece of news.
You can deliver the news yourself or watch as someone else delivers it and take note of what happens.
For example, if you and your friends are out to dinner and one friend announces she just got a raise of work, observe other people's reactions.
Someone who waits a beat before expressing congratulations might not be overjoyed to hear the news; could jealousy be at play? , Write down what you observe about people so you can begin to notice patterns.
This can help you gain a deeper understanding of an individual, but it's also a good way to understand humanity at large.
You'll start to pick up on the little details that betray people's preoccupations, desires, stressors, fears and weaknesses.
The accumulation of this kind of information will help you get better and better at observing people and making split-second deductions that turn out to be true.
About the Author
Dennis Reed
Specializes in breaking down complex organization topics into simple steps.
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