How to Overcome the Guilt of Gossiping About Someone Who Trusts You
Contact those who you gossiped with., Contact the person you gossiped about., Apologize to the person you gossiped about., Take full responsibility for your actions., Allow your friend to respond.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Contact those who you gossiped with.
Depending on the situation, it may be a good idea to contact those with whom you gossiped and point out that you regret your role in the conversation.
This is particularly important if you were dishonest in any way, or may have over-embellished for the sake of a juicier story.
Everyone says things they regret, but you have the option to partially undo the damage by articulating to those you spoke with that you regret your negative comments about someone.When speaking with those you gossiped with, be sure to include something along the lines of “It was wrong of me to say what I said.
No one deserves to be spoken of poorly behind their backs, and I regret doing so.
Please do not define your perspective of this person by my words.” Further, ask whomever heard you gossip not to repeat what you said.
Point out something like "It was wrong of me to say what I said, and I sincerely hope you choose not to repeat it." If you lied or embellished something, stress that what you said was not only inappropriate, but dishonest or inaccurate. -
Step 2: Contact the person you gossiped about.
Ideally, you can speak with someone before they hear the gossip you’ve spread.
Either way, you need to reach out to them as soon as possible.
Ask if you can meet to talk, and propose to meet someplace where you'll have privacy.Concern about getting caught should not be the reason you reach out or apologize.
Rather, your contact should be guided by genuinely apologetic sentiments, and your recognition of the potential hurtfulness you may have caused. , An honest apology will help diminish the potential hurtfulness of your gossip, as well as the damage to your relationship with the person you gossiped about.
Secondarily, you will help resolve your own feelings of guilt by acknowledging your wrongdoing.
Most importantly, be straightforward when apologizing.Say something like, “I wanted to let you know that I said something negative about you the other day, and I feel terribly about it because it doesn’t reflect how I actually feel about you.” If they ask questions, answer them honestly.
Don’t try to downplay what you said. , Don’t make excuses or try to assign some of the responsibility for the gossiping that occurred to someone else.
If you participated, you need to take responsibility for doing so.
Furthermore, don’t try to rationalize what you did.
You violated someone’s trust, and you need to acknowledge that outright, without qualification.Be clear about how you’re feeling; “I know I violated your trust, and I hope I can earn it back.” , After stating a clear and honest apology, just listen.
Understand that they will likely be hurt, and potentially surprised to hear what you’ve told them.
They may not know what to say, or they may become angry or otherwise emotionally upset.
If they're so angry or upset that they shut you out, give them space.Consider how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
If they don’t have much to say, or become upset, reiterate your apology.
Say something like “I’m really sorry, and I hope I have to chance to repair any damage I’ve done to our relationship.
I understand why you’re upset, and am happy to give you space in the meantime.” -
Step 3: Apologize to the person you gossiped about.
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Step 4: Take full responsibility for your actions.
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Step 5: Allow your friend to respond.
Detailed Guide
Depending on the situation, it may be a good idea to contact those with whom you gossiped and point out that you regret your role in the conversation.
This is particularly important if you were dishonest in any way, or may have over-embellished for the sake of a juicier story.
Everyone says things they regret, but you have the option to partially undo the damage by articulating to those you spoke with that you regret your negative comments about someone.When speaking with those you gossiped with, be sure to include something along the lines of “It was wrong of me to say what I said.
No one deserves to be spoken of poorly behind their backs, and I regret doing so.
Please do not define your perspective of this person by my words.” Further, ask whomever heard you gossip not to repeat what you said.
Point out something like "It was wrong of me to say what I said, and I sincerely hope you choose not to repeat it." If you lied or embellished something, stress that what you said was not only inappropriate, but dishonest or inaccurate.
Ideally, you can speak with someone before they hear the gossip you’ve spread.
Either way, you need to reach out to them as soon as possible.
Ask if you can meet to talk, and propose to meet someplace where you'll have privacy.Concern about getting caught should not be the reason you reach out or apologize.
Rather, your contact should be guided by genuinely apologetic sentiments, and your recognition of the potential hurtfulness you may have caused. , An honest apology will help diminish the potential hurtfulness of your gossip, as well as the damage to your relationship with the person you gossiped about.
Secondarily, you will help resolve your own feelings of guilt by acknowledging your wrongdoing.
Most importantly, be straightforward when apologizing.Say something like, “I wanted to let you know that I said something negative about you the other day, and I feel terribly about it because it doesn’t reflect how I actually feel about you.” If they ask questions, answer them honestly.
Don’t try to downplay what you said. , Don’t make excuses or try to assign some of the responsibility for the gossiping that occurred to someone else.
If you participated, you need to take responsibility for doing so.
Furthermore, don’t try to rationalize what you did.
You violated someone’s trust, and you need to acknowledge that outright, without qualification.Be clear about how you’re feeling; “I know I violated your trust, and I hope I can earn it back.” , After stating a clear and honest apology, just listen.
Understand that they will likely be hurt, and potentially surprised to hear what you’ve told them.
They may not know what to say, or they may become angry or otherwise emotionally upset.
If they're so angry or upset that they shut you out, give them space.Consider how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
If they don’t have much to say, or become upset, reiterate your apology.
Say something like “I’m really sorry, and I hope I have to chance to repair any damage I’ve done to our relationship.
I understand why you’re upset, and am happy to give you space in the meantime.”
About the Author
Melissa Wood
Melissa Wood is an experienced writer with over 2 years of expertise in lifestyle and practical guides. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Melissa creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
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