How to Prevent Yourself from Being Manipulated
Tune into your feelings about the situation., Watch for someone who threatens withdrawal., Look for someone who makes you feel guilty., Be wary of people who make their problems seem more urgent than yours., Pay attention to an excessive use of...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Tune into your feelings about the situation.
Manipulation can be subtle, so it can be difficult to recognize when it is happening to you.
However, there are some common things that manipulators tend to do, such as casting doubt, projecting insecurities, and making you doubt yourself.By learning to tune into how you are feeling, you may be able to spot manipulation more easily.
The next time you think you might be being manipulated, stop and ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, afraid, obligated, responsible etc.?" If you are doing something for one of the latter reasons, then it is possible that you are being manipulated. -
Step 2: Watch for someone who threatens withdrawal.
People who make you feel like they will take something away from you if you don’t act the way they want are manipulating you.
These threats may involve the withdrawal of many things – their company, their love, their money, their support, or any other thing they might threaten to withhold from you.Many people are motivated by this kind of manipulation at work (working late because they fear they won’t get their next promotion if they don’t), but it can be more damaging in personal relationships between people because these interactions involve more intimate emotions.
An example of a love withdrawal statement is, “Sure, you can do whatever you like, but don’t expect me to be here when you get home.
I’m done with you.” , A manipulative person will try to make you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do.
They might achieve this goal by acting like you are letting them down or by talking about how much of an inconvenience/hardship something is for them.
Typically, we experience guilt when we feel like we have gone back on our end of a bargain.
But in situations where you suspect you are being manipulated, try to consider whether you consciously agreed to the thing you feel guilty about or if the person is just making you feel guilty for no reason.
A guilt statement might sound like, “I really thought you cared about me, but I guess this is more important to you.
I see how little our relationship means to you, and I wonder if you even love me.” , Manipulative people often manipulate others by making their own problems seem more important or more pressing than the problems of other people.
If you feel obligated to help someone with something (and this seems to happen quite regularly), you are probably being manipulated.When we decide what tasks are most important to complete in our own lives, urgency is one way we organize our tasks and decide which to complete first.
But when other people get to determine a thing’s urgency, this is problematic and manipulative. , People who spout out lots of facts and figures may also be trying to manipulate you.
The idea behind this tactic is to make you feel as though you do not know as much as the other person.
Someone who does this is trying to convince you that he or she is intellectually superior to you., Some people manipulate others by refusing to speak first or giving you the silent treatment.
When someone does this, he or she may be probing for information that he or she can use against you.
The person may wait for you to speak to find out what you think is happening and what your goals are., Some people will shout or speak loudly to subdue other people.
This person may drown out your voice with his or her own to get you to stop trying to defend yourself and give in to the other person’s demands.If someone is yelling at you or speaking over you, then this is likely manipulation.
He or she may also use other tactics to subdue you, such as blocking your path or standing over you. , Someone can also manipulate you by springing things on you and taking advantage of your lack of preparation.
By catching you off-guard, the person is hoping that you will be more likely to give in to his or her request.For example, someone who is trying to manipulate you might ask you an important question right when you walk through the door.
Or, someone might try to get you to perform an important task with little to no notice. , Someone who is being manipulative may also use criticism to gain an advantage over you.
He or she may even mask the criticism as humor or as coming from a place of love.However, if someone is criticizing you to get something that he or she wants, then this is manipulation.
For example, someone who is trying to sell you a new phone might mask criticism with humor by saying something like, “Geez, is your phone from the stone age?” However, this person is clearly trying to make you feel insecure about your phone so that you will buy a new one.
Someone may also mask criticism with expressions of love, such as by saying, “Even though you don’t put much effort into your appearance, I still love you.” This statement is mean to make the person feel insecure about his or her looks, but the speaker attempts to mask it with a tacked-on statement of love. -
Step 3: Look for someone who makes you feel guilty.
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Step 4: Be wary of people who make their problems seem more urgent than yours.
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Step 5: Pay attention to an excessive use of facts and figures.
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Step 6: Note when someone refuses to speak.
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Step 7: Listen to the volume of the person’s voice.
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Step 8: Think about times when the person has tried to catch you off-guard.
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Step 9: Pay attention to criticism.
Detailed Guide
Manipulation can be subtle, so it can be difficult to recognize when it is happening to you.
However, there are some common things that manipulators tend to do, such as casting doubt, projecting insecurities, and making you doubt yourself.By learning to tune into how you are feeling, you may be able to spot manipulation more easily.
The next time you think you might be being manipulated, stop and ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, afraid, obligated, responsible etc.?" If you are doing something for one of the latter reasons, then it is possible that you are being manipulated.
People who make you feel like they will take something away from you if you don’t act the way they want are manipulating you.
These threats may involve the withdrawal of many things – their company, their love, their money, their support, or any other thing they might threaten to withhold from you.Many people are motivated by this kind of manipulation at work (working late because they fear they won’t get their next promotion if they don’t), but it can be more damaging in personal relationships between people because these interactions involve more intimate emotions.
An example of a love withdrawal statement is, “Sure, you can do whatever you like, but don’t expect me to be here when you get home.
I’m done with you.” , A manipulative person will try to make you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do.
They might achieve this goal by acting like you are letting them down or by talking about how much of an inconvenience/hardship something is for them.
Typically, we experience guilt when we feel like we have gone back on our end of a bargain.
But in situations where you suspect you are being manipulated, try to consider whether you consciously agreed to the thing you feel guilty about or if the person is just making you feel guilty for no reason.
A guilt statement might sound like, “I really thought you cared about me, but I guess this is more important to you.
I see how little our relationship means to you, and I wonder if you even love me.” , Manipulative people often manipulate others by making their own problems seem more important or more pressing than the problems of other people.
If you feel obligated to help someone with something (and this seems to happen quite regularly), you are probably being manipulated.When we decide what tasks are most important to complete in our own lives, urgency is one way we organize our tasks and decide which to complete first.
But when other people get to determine a thing’s urgency, this is problematic and manipulative. , People who spout out lots of facts and figures may also be trying to manipulate you.
The idea behind this tactic is to make you feel as though you do not know as much as the other person.
Someone who does this is trying to convince you that he or she is intellectually superior to you., Some people manipulate others by refusing to speak first or giving you the silent treatment.
When someone does this, he or she may be probing for information that he or she can use against you.
The person may wait for you to speak to find out what you think is happening and what your goals are., Some people will shout or speak loudly to subdue other people.
This person may drown out your voice with his or her own to get you to stop trying to defend yourself and give in to the other person’s demands.If someone is yelling at you or speaking over you, then this is likely manipulation.
He or she may also use other tactics to subdue you, such as blocking your path or standing over you. , Someone can also manipulate you by springing things on you and taking advantage of your lack of preparation.
By catching you off-guard, the person is hoping that you will be more likely to give in to his or her request.For example, someone who is trying to manipulate you might ask you an important question right when you walk through the door.
Or, someone might try to get you to perform an important task with little to no notice. , Someone who is being manipulative may also use criticism to gain an advantage over you.
He or she may even mask the criticism as humor or as coming from a place of love.However, if someone is criticizing you to get something that he or she wants, then this is manipulation.
For example, someone who is trying to sell you a new phone might mask criticism with humor by saying something like, “Geez, is your phone from the stone age?” However, this person is clearly trying to make you feel insecure about your phone so that you will buy a new one.
Someone may also mask criticism with expressions of love, such as by saying, “Even though you don’t put much effort into your appearance, I still love you.” This statement is mean to make the person feel insecure about his or her looks, but the speaker attempts to mask it with a tacked-on statement of love.
About the Author
Lori Bishop
Enthusiastic about teaching creative arts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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