How to Recognize and Break Free of Relational Enmeshment
Realize the patterns in your family of origin, especially if one or more of your parents was alcoholic or addicted in some way., Ask a trustworthy friend for feedback about your relational patterns., Acknowledge the truth that pleasing and helping...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Realize the patterns in your family of origin
Often, an addict’s family enables them to continue destructive behavior, protecting them from the consequences of it by rescuing them, covering for them, and so on. -
Step 2: especially if one or more of your parents was alcoholic or addicted in some way.
When we're stuck in enmeshment, we sometimes refuse to listen to people outside the situation, who notice our unhealthy patterns.
To break free, we must be willing to listen to feedback about how our rescuing and enabling actually hurts the person we’re trying to help.
We must be open to the truth about ourselves. , But ultimately, it’s detrimental to us, to the other person, and to our relationship.
Facing the truth (that your helping is actually hurting) is an essential step toward healing. , “True love is not wrapped up in a drive to rescue, overprotect, control, or manipulate.
It genuinely wants the best for the other person,” Clinton writes in his book Break Through. “It is grounded in our heart’s desire to cherish, honor, and treasure another person simply because of who they are. ...True love offers a safe place to be you; it’s not driven by a desire to rescue or a need to perform.
True love values the other person for who they are and celebrates healthy separateness.”, For example, if you’re in the habit of writing checks to your adult child when they get into financial trouble, this enabling behavior is keeping them from growing up.
But warn them ahead of time that you won’t be doing that anymore.
Tell them they will need to be responsible for their own financial life.
Expect some resistance—after all, you’ve taught them an unhealthy dependence on you.
Changing the pattern begins with clear communication. , An enmeshed person’s goal, whether they realize it or not, is to protect the other person at all costs—even if they’re protected from the consequences of their own bad behavior.
A person with healthy boundaries allows others to experience the consequences of their own choices.
But it may not be easy to stick to your guns.
Be strong.
Get help from a trusted friend or counselor to help you enforce the new boundaries you are setting. -
Step 3: Ask a trustworthy friend for feedback about your relational patterns.
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Step 4: Acknowledge the truth that pleasing and helping others
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Step 5: even when it keeps them from taking responsibility
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Step 6: makes us feel good.
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Step 7: Decide to trade the false love of enmeshment for real love.
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Step 8: Communicate clear boundaries to the other person.
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Step 9: Enforce those boundaries.
Detailed Guide
Often, an addict’s family enables them to continue destructive behavior, protecting them from the consequences of it by rescuing them, covering for them, and so on.
When we're stuck in enmeshment, we sometimes refuse to listen to people outside the situation, who notice our unhealthy patterns.
To break free, we must be willing to listen to feedback about how our rescuing and enabling actually hurts the person we’re trying to help.
We must be open to the truth about ourselves. , But ultimately, it’s detrimental to us, to the other person, and to our relationship.
Facing the truth (that your helping is actually hurting) is an essential step toward healing. , “True love is not wrapped up in a drive to rescue, overprotect, control, or manipulate.
It genuinely wants the best for the other person,” Clinton writes in his book Break Through. “It is grounded in our heart’s desire to cherish, honor, and treasure another person simply because of who they are. ...True love offers a safe place to be you; it’s not driven by a desire to rescue or a need to perform.
True love values the other person for who they are and celebrates healthy separateness.”, For example, if you’re in the habit of writing checks to your adult child when they get into financial trouble, this enabling behavior is keeping them from growing up.
But warn them ahead of time that you won’t be doing that anymore.
Tell them they will need to be responsible for their own financial life.
Expect some resistance—after all, you’ve taught them an unhealthy dependence on you.
Changing the pattern begins with clear communication. , An enmeshed person’s goal, whether they realize it or not, is to protect the other person at all costs—even if they’re protected from the consequences of their own bad behavior.
A person with healthy boundaries allows others to experience the consequences of their own choices.
But it may not be easy to stick to your guns.
Be strong.
Get help from a trusted friend or counselor to help you enforce the new boundaries you are setting.
About the Author
Debra Morris
A seasoned expert in education and learning, Debra Morris combines 4 years of experience with a passion for teaching. Debra's guides are known for their clarity and practical value.
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